Does anyone else find being pregnant with a toddler brutal or am I just being a complete wimp?

[Blueprimrose]

Keep thinking how a hundred years ago you’d have probably two toddlers, pregnant, a baby and a plethora of other children too. And no hot water etc.

Still, it’s rubbish. I’m struggling with my days off with toddler - he’s a lovely boy but my god he has boundless energy and enthusiasm. But zero attention span. Listening to nursery rhymes and he listens to two lines of Baa Baa Black Sheep then ‘bus.’ First verse of wheels on the bus and he wants wind the bobbin up. Then ‘rainbow.’

He enjoys the park but does need help sometimes with equipment, which can be tricky. He enjoys books but this is a ten minute activity. Swimming is good but so tiring for me, as is soft play, I have decided to knock this on the head until post baby!

I do find myself dreading my days off with him (feel mean saying this) as I’m worn out by the time the weekend starts then two more days … then the ‘break’of work.

I still have 3months to go, any tips?

I was pregnant with twins in lockdown with a toddler 😂 I was fortunate that the weather was nice so I bought lots of outside toys like sand pits and mud kitchen and they played in the garden a lot with me sat on a deckchair resting or bat and ball where at least I could stand fairly still 😄 - gave her little jobs like painting the shed 😳 and decided that if she got filthy it was worth it if she was worn out and occupied! did lots of activities where I could just sit down and supervise like crafts, reading, jigsaws etc - I couldn't walk far by about 24 weeks

No tips but I’ve had to put mine in nursery for some of the days he would be off with me - my hips can’t take it any more! I’m 26 weeks.

It’s brutal. Most tired I have ever been.

A hundred years ago you’d probably have lived in a village surrounded by aunts and cousins etc who’d have helped you. Also you’d probably be physically stronger due to doing physical work much more of the time. Plus a hundred years ago if the toddler was being too demanding you’d just pop them in the garden and ignore them.

Standards of how we expect to interact with our kids have completely changed, family structures have changed, etc etc.

So don’t compare yourself to historical women who weren’t in the same situation, just do the best you can with what you’ve got!

I had ‘morning’ sickness really bad. Used to put 18month old in a shallow bath with lots of toys and sit on the bathroom floor next to her, throwing up in the toilet as and when needed. She was happy and looked after (obviously supervised at all times, toilet right next to bath) and it filled some time.

In fairness, one hundred years ago you likely didn't have a job yourself. It's also unlikely you would have moved away from your family, and would be surrounded by others who were in the same situation as you who could help take the load off you. Or if you were reasonably wealthy, you could have employees to do it for you. I won't get into the infant mortality side of it, or the older ones being at school/work/helping you out, but those were things too.

Being pregnant with a toddler was the most exhausting thing I've ever done. I just did what I had to do to survive the day. I took her to baby/toddler groups and let her run feral with other toddlers. If I was too tired, it meant there was copious amounts of screen time. DC1 had to learn how to play individually too, which was so handy when the baby was here, and I had zero hands free.

so glad you’ve said this ..l suggested trying to put him in nursery on a Friday from 30 weeks (I currently have Thursdays and Fridays off with him) and I think DH thought I was being a bit dramatic!

Thinking back, when I was pregnant with a toddler I invented all kinds of games that involved me sitting - favourites include “fetch” (I throw a ball for him, he brings it back), “run and find” (eg you say bring me a green car, and time him), and “mummy motorway” where you lie on the floor and he gets to drive his little hot wheels cars up and down your body.

Oh yeah! I forgot there was the option of the garden! I was heavily pregnant over winter, so I was not inclined to spend any amount of time outside. Bath time is also a great shout.

Also lots of toddler groups, I used to find one pretty much every day. This also meant I got to know people so that when dc2 arrived and I was taking both of them, there was often someone to offer to either hold baby or watch toddler when they could see I was struggling.

No tips but this sure sounds familiar.

@Blueprimrose I'd suggest that DH takes at least one day off a week then to have DC so you can rest for a day. He'll have to use his annual leave and then we'll see who is being dramatic.

Actually, we pay for more additional care so I can rest more. I have found that helpful. +1 to putting your toddler in nursery and haveing a day to actually rest. You are not being dramatic.

It's brutal! Obviously not the worst thing in the world but very tiring and if you're feeling sick etc there's no respite. However, over a decade later now, I'm so glad I did it and that my kids have each other to love and torment!

Go for the nursery on a Friday. You aren't being dramatic it's tough! Use that day to get some rest. Even half a day would help.I was looking forward to being pregnant as my first pregnancy was joyful... the 2nd was horrendous. I think lack of sleep and rest is a lot to do with it. I had very little nausea first time. 2nd time, I felt sick 24/7 for four months. My son also had some sort of sense he was being neglected and wouldn't let his dad do anything - just mummy. He wanted me to play with him or sit on the floor oh r all the time. My back ached. After 9 months of that labour was actually a relief! It was actually easier when the baby was out!

I did find the newborn stage much easier 2nd time. We put my son in nursery full time for the first few months. But after that he was home 2 days a week. We actually really enjoyed that time together. I hope it's the same for you.

Good luck!

It's bloody hard. I was pregnant with dc2 when dc1 was almost 2. I had awful morning sickness and was working a twilight shift, dc1 would walk at 4:30 everyday.

One morning we went for a long walk to wear him out for a nap. We came home and I went for a shower. He came in as I was drying myself and gave me a massive cwtch. Next thing I could smell poo. He must have put his hand down his nappy and got it on my towel and I was covered in shit 🤢 I spewed my arse up and had to jump back in the shower.

You’re not being a wimp, it is brutal! Mine was in nursery some of the time which was a lifesaver. I also relied a lot on CBeebies and mini packs of chocolate buttons. Said toddler is now a perfectly healthy 12 yr old! Do what you have to do to get by - and take care of yourself! Best of luck.

@Blueprimrose my OH suggested the extra days so I can get some rest! Toddlers are hard enough 😁

I am currently 26 weeks with a 13 month old and at home full time.

It is the ultimate form of savagery.

100s of years ago you would have lived in a village with other women sharing childcare and work. Not being a wimp!!

Yes 20 weeks and have a 20month old DS made redundant on last maternity so trying to keep up with him everyday is killing me when I was pregnant with him I was working 11 he days 6 days a week and thought this time would be a breeze 😂 in a new area too so need to get out of my comfort zone and find done things to do while I can
x

Another vote for nursery & a nice routine you could keep in place to give yourself birth recovery (& at least you'd have the place if for example you had a c-section).
You have your toddler for a few hours every single morning & evening & weekends regardless of their day setting. That's a lot heavily pregnant without much family support so if you can afford it...

DH can shut up

I’ve managed to book an afternoon session once a week - it’s good as it means I don’t have as bad mum guilt but not sure how DS will be, he may be confused being dropped off in the middle of the day especially as it’s around nap time! But hopefully it will work well, it’s just four hours but that’s going to be lovely downtime for napping/catching up on sleep/watching rubbish TV before baby gets here!