Considering termination. Feeling so conflicted.

[NameChange7284]

I have name changed as the details might be very outing.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. Unplanned. DP not happy about the situation and doesn't want another child. Our DC1 is primary school aged with SEN. School have been terrible, DC has barely attended for the last 2 years due to the school being unable to meet his needs. Its a challenging situation. DC1 needs a lot of care and likely always will.

Despite this at first I wanted to keep the pregnancy. But for the last 3 weeks I have had absolutely awful morning sickness to the point that I can hardly function. I feel horribly sick all day and all night and can hardly eat or drink. Its making it very difficult to care for DC1 and DP is not that supportive. For the last few days I've been feeling like perhaps I should just have a termination as my situation is not the best for having another child and I just want to feel well again and be able to function. I should add I am on antisickness medication from the GP but it's not helping that much.

I am worried that I will regret a termination though and feel guilty and regretful forever onwards. This would be my last chance to have a second child. But feeling this ill is making it hard to stay positive about any of this and I am just overwhelmed with negative thoughts about having another child hence considering a termination.

I know at the end of the day only I can decide but I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation and has any advice.
I'm just so conflicted. Afraid I will regret it but afraid to continue.

Have you contacted your local maternity care team or gp and spoke to them. They can usually put you in touch with people who can talk you through your options and some offer counselling to help you make your decision within a safe non judgemental environment. Don’t rush into anything as you say you may end up regretting it. It’s a difficult decision. I’m sure whatever you choose will be the right one

Sorry you are feeling so rough and also that you are going through the stress of whether to go ahead with the pregnancy or not. I wonder if you are feeling so sick that you are feeling panicky and finding it hard to think clearly.
I read your post as being two separate issues, one that your husband is not excited by a second child but you are.The second issue being you feel so sick that you don't want to be pregnant anymore.
There are solutions to the second issue if you speak to your doctor.
The first issue is something you and your husband need to talk about if possible. Have you told him how desperate you feel?
I suppose the real question is if you could take away the early pregnancy sickness, would you want to go ahead with things?
There is no right or wrong answer either way, so please don't put pressure on yourself that you must or must not do something. Good luck OP. It's a really hard place to be in but once you have made your decision, you will start to make peace with it.

@technotstarnotechstar
I do think if I didn't feel so sick I wouldn't be thinking as negatively as I am now. But 3 weeks of severe nausea and sometimes vomiting has worn me down as I can't take care of my first child properly and have very little support.

I'm going to say something really blunt. You may regret a termination but you may also regret having a child. You may end up alone with Two children, One of whom has complex needs as it sounds like your partner is no support at all.

You will likely cope either way and make the best of it.

I'm so sorry you're in this position.

@PleaseGoDontGoAgain
That is one of my worries. Or that the baby will also have complex needs and I will be alone with both. At the start I kind of made peace with that fact and still felt it would he worth it to have a second child but now I am feeling so ill and so down the negative thoughts are creeping in.

Have you had a look at Pregnancy Sickness Support and their treatment ladder? I found them really helpful. They also have a helpline. There are different treatments you can try if whatever you are on isn't working. I agree with the comment above that if you get the sickness more under control you will be in a better place to make an informed decision about whether to go ahead or not.

In 2/3 weeks your sickness should ease up, don't apply a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Try and get some rest and don't rush into anything

It does sound as if your physical state is affecting your decision making, It must be so so shit for you.
You WILL cope, whichever decision you make. I'm a single mum, 2 SN kids and it's hard at times but it would also be hard if I had just one SN child and an unsupportive husband in the house.

There is no wrong decision here and with so much going on, try to remove any guilt from the thinking process.

Would you regret NOT having another child? That's often the bare bones of this decision.

@PleaseGoDontGoAgain
I think if I hadn't gotten pregnant I would have just accepted not having another child due to our difficult circumstances. We would never have actively tried for one given that DP doesn't want another. But when I found out I was pregnant I felt scared but happy as deep down I always wanted another. But now I am just feeling really worried and negative. I'm afraid the sickness will go on for my entire pregnancy and I won't be able to care for myself and the baby won't get what it needs. I'm also worried about the impact this will have on DC1 if I can't function properly. In turn its making me think about the impact another child in the family will have on DC1 in general and if it'll be more negative than positive. I'm sure I'm not thinking clearly as I haven't slept well or eaten properly in 3 weeks.

I really understand how you feel and early pregnancy is very scary and it doesn’t help that you feel like utter shit and your DH is not supportive. But that will pass in a few weeks and to me it sounds like you want this baby?

It sound like the sickness is making you feel a lot worse about the situation. It might not be the right decision for you to have another baby but maybe you could wait until 12 / 13 weeks when your sickness may have passed.

From the outside it seems like you want the baby. Good luck x

@Sallyh87 Yes I feel like this may be a good idea as I might be able to approach things more positively if I'm feeling better. I'm just scared this won't pass at the end of the 1st trimester. In my first pregnancy I didn't have any sickness at all so this is totally new to me. My mum had hyperemesis both times all the way through though so this is what scares me.

To state, I'm very pro choice but it also sounds to me like you want a child. Think of it this way, if someone could remove the sickness right now- would you continue the pregnancy. I think that likely gives you your answer.

Yes I think I would continue the pregnancy as I wouldn't feel anywhere near as bad and would be able to think positively about it. But realistically I don't know if I can continue through the whole pregnancy feeling like this if it doesn't pass.

I think you should go back to the gp and ask to try a different anti-sickness medication.