Husband to come to 20 week scan?

[gemloving]

This is our third child, second child was born in lockdown so I went to every scan on my own. They found something at the 20 week scan, fetal medicine scan a week later, I did this all on my own, then onto genetic testing (my husband was asked to leave 3 times and I got so annoyed saying that he's got to be there). Anyway, this little baby is now 2 and perfectly healthy and we have his baby bro on the way.

My husband starts a new job next week (office based in London, 3 days from home 2 in the office) and he thinks it's a bit much to ask to leave for a good few hours and I agree in a way, someone has flown in from the US to train home so he should be in all week.

I had bi weekly scans and did everything on my own with our second child but I feel like because they did find something last time (despite it turning out nothing), there was 20 weeks of worry that my child might have a serious health condition until after birth... hence why I'm quite anxious for the anomaly scan, so is it really that bad to ask his new employer to leave?

I'm sorry you went through such a stressful and isolating experiencd in your last pregnsncy. But congratulations on having such a healthy, growing family.
i think the highlight here is that it's a new job and they're flying someone over to train him and I guess this is why you don't want him to ask for leave, which is understandable and rational.
Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation. Only you know how worried you are and how much you really you need and want your husband to be there. Can your mum, sister, friend be with you instead?
I understand you were alone last time, but you don't have to be alone this time, even if your husband can't be there.
But if you think you absolutely need him there, you can only hope that his new employer is sympathetic. He can only have the conversation. If they say no, there's your answer

Take a friend or relative with you.

@Dontbelieveaword in a way, I got so used to doing it all on my own, I almost found it strange having him at my 12 week scan.

My family are abroad, so might as my MIL. She might like it actually.

@Dontbelieveaword & thank you for your kind words. In a way, it feels like everything is good. I am almost 19 weeks, can feel baby lots and just feel positive. The new job is great for his career and he knows I am really proud of him, timing is just not great.

I think it depends on how accommodating the employer is. My dhs manager had lots of trouble conceiving with his wife so he was fantastic when I fell pregnant as we had a few complications and he made sure my dh was able to get out for every scan and appointment. I could have gone on my own but it was really appreciated. So I think your dh needs to weigh up how understanding they'd be and if he thinks they'd be reasonable then he can ask the question? Could you maybe move your scan date so it doesn't overlap the training? I had to move one of mine due to a holiday and it was fine.

Your MIL would be thrilled to be asked, I should imagine. That's if you get along well and would feel supported.
I think you've come up with perfect solution.

@Ilovetea42 I wouldn't mind moving if if I had remembered when they gave it to me 6-7 weeks ago but I don't like changing it last minute. He's always worked for large corporates who should accommodating simply because they are large corporates. Their policy would state to give him the time off but it's really down to us to make that decision.

This is a difficult one. You should have his help and support but I think it would set the wrong impression so early in the job, particularly as they have flown a colleague from the states. They have probably put together a detailed induction plan and he will have something within the time slot. If you have someone else or you can tolerate doing it alone, in this case I would do that.

Sorry you went through such a tough time with your first, glad they are doing well now x

If you did it this week and are over 19 weeks they can still do it. They could als prob do the week after if you are under 21. Worth. Seeing if there is a last minute slot available.

Honestly, no I don’t think your dh should ask to have leave. Given that someone is flying in from America and it’s a new job.

I can totally understand why you would want him there ( I had extra scans with two of mine). However given the situation, I would ask MIL or a friend.

If you feel close enough to your MIL to think of asking her, I’m sure she’d love it.