Second pregnancy after 10 years - confused if to continue or not. Please help

[Anonmish]

Hello,
I just found out that I am pregnant second time and this is unplanned. I don't know what to do? Me and my husband always wanted only one kid and we are happy with that but sometimes my son (9 years old) says he would like a sibling but I am not sure if 10 year age gap between them will have any bonding. Anyone who has this much age gap between their kids and happy with the decision? As far as I am concerned, I am too confused, stressed right now as I don't want to go through all those sleepless nights, breastfeeding and baby things again but husband saying we will manage. Please share your thoughts.

Hi, I am 13 years younger than one sister and 9 years younger than my other sister, (also have a brother 6 years older and one 19 months younger), I’m actually closer to the older two (in later life I find). I get what you mean about having your life back and then going into the baby phase again though (especially sleepless nights and breastfeeding - but I must say it was easier with my second, 7 year gap between them), I would say follow your gut, sorry this isn’t the most helpful response.

I don't have quite that large an age gap but I do have 8 years. My eldest also wanted a sibling. Despite the age gap they bonded well and age gaps diminish when you become an adult anyway - don't forget this is a lifelong companion, not just a childhood friend. I only have good things to say about my experience. They won't want to do the same activities together but it still changes the family dynamic in positive ways. Even with the age gap they shared childish jokes and funny moments at the dinner table etc that parents just don't get. And one good thing is that you don't have to buy the same expensive things at the same time, like tech and designer trainers etc. And in a few years you might have a potential babysitter so it's definitely easier the second time around!

Currently pregnant with number 2 after a 14 year gap (first born will be almost 15 when baby is here).
I feel like a first time mum

I've just had baby #4, My 16, 13 and 11yo are absolutely besotted and I'm not sure I'll get a look in, my big brother was 12 years older than me and we had the most beautiful relationship growing up.x

Hi OP I have just had DC2, he is 3.5 months. My first son is 9 (10 in October.)

A gap this big was never the plan but due to secondary infertility and I too was worried about the bond but I needn’t have been, my first son ADORES his brother. He asks if he can do his bottles, pick his clothes, bath him, read him stories. He is the only one so far who has gotten a laugh out of the baby! The baby is enamoured with his big brother, his eyes are always following him and a big grin on his face when he comes to him.

Obviously, as they get older the bond will be different to say one with siblings with a couple of years between them but the love is there and I think that’s all that matters. I picture my boys being 21 and 30, hanging out together and having fun and being so pleased I was finally able to make DS a big brother.

Meant to add - I had forgotten how hard these first few weeks were but feel like we’re just about coming out the other side, and DS1 has been an angel helping out where he can, DP is brilliant too so although yes it is very hard I think not as hard as having two littles to look after such as a a toddler and newborn!

My mum was one of nine as such her oldest sibling was 20 years older than her. She always maintained that while she never played with him and had no childhood relationship with him it was when she became an adult she really felt his friendship, support and felt he was always there for her.

How old are you OP? X

Wishing you the best, OP.

Fwiw my little brother is 8 years younger and we are close now, though we weren't as much when growing up.

@Anonmish The only question to think about is do you want this baby? You can't have a baby for someone else. If you want it, have it. If not, then don't.

Very different situation as we experienced secondary infertility but we are going to have the same age gap and I’m really happy about the age difference. I was never one for pulling off the plaster all at once with sleepless nights. I felt I regained my strength for round 2 in the years I’ve had restored sleep…I do think if you go for it you’ve got to see the next year or so a part of the ultimate picture, it’s not going to last forever. The exhaustion etc… can you see them when they are 4 and 14, and does that picture look happy? Or would you rather not see the second in your imagined scene? Maybe write two projections of what your future would look like with and without the second child to help you make your mind up?

I wish you luck whatever your decision.