Pregnancy

[Butterfly23xx]

Hi some advice please,
im 22 I own my own house , me and my boyfriend have stable jobs and I really want a baby but all I hear all the time is ‘it’s too hard’ (which I know) and ‘goo and live your lives’ which we definitely have done a lot off the only thing I think I could struggle with is my body changing, but I’d love to be a mum and have always wanted to be. Is it as hard has everyone says? I have done night feeds and everything before for my family, but the body changing part did anyone else struggle with ?

I’ve heard the same thing a lot, I’ve wanted to be pregnant for years but was always told you’re too young and there’s plenty of time, I understand their point but it doesn’t apply to everyone! I’m 24 weeks and I’ve never felt happier, I know it’s not the same for everyone but being pregnant has been amazing and all I’ve ever dreamt off! Do you mean you’re worried about your body changing through weight gain etc? Xx

I know everyone is different aren’t they, but congratulations that’s lovely!! Yeah weight gain is my biggest worry I know obviously you will put it on that comes with having a baby but I just worry if I would loose it and find it hard or if I wouldn’t care because having the baby would make it worth it! But I’m the same I’ve always loved babies and everyone around me has them xxx

@Butterfly23xx I think it’s really normal to feel down about your body after having a baby but honestly I don’t even think about it, I love dressing the bump now it’s obvious!xxx

It’s alot harder than babysitting as it is just constant i had my girl when I was 26 I’m almost 28 now.

my advice would be do it if you want to because that’s what we all do in the end but don’t expect it to all be rainbows and butterflies cause it isn’t. My mum said the same to us about living our lives and I was the eldest when having my baby out of her daughters.

i love being a mum, the first year was the hardest. My mental health took a massive hit and I lived with my mum for the first 6.5 months. She is now 16 months old and I’ve come to a point where I’m having more good days then bad but she doesn’t sleep through that stopped at like 8/9 months old.

Hearing them laugh, playing with them. Bonding moments. Knowing that they are your person for life. Visualising your future with them and living days out in the best way possible. It’s not easy but it’s amazing. It’s mentally challenging and loosing yourself then reinventing yourself with a baby. I don’t have body confidence issues never did have but I now feel even though my body’s gone back to my small size 6 normal I now feel like I’ll pick to dress slightly differently etc.

Id never tell anyone not to do it but please don’t go on based on babysitting duties or other peoples babies. I was amazing with other peoples babies and now I feel totally different with my own but that’s because I’m here 24/7.

it’s the best thing I’ve ever become and 22 is still young! Xx

I had my daughter at 21, I wouldn't change the age

Pressed send too soon

The only downside for me is struggling to find mum friends that are similar to me as most of the mums at the groups I go to are 35+ and I don't have much in common with them but I have a couple of friends that are the same age as me

When DD starts secondary school and gets more independent I'll be 32 which I think is great!

I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have a baby but if you're financially secure and in a healthy secure relationship then I don't see why not!

Is it as hard has everyone says? I have done night feeds and everything before for my family

Yes it's bloody hard work, I've never felt tired like it, I am permanently exhausted but it's also really rewarding and DD makes me so happy and we have a great time together.

Occasional night feeds for family is definitely not the same as doing it every single night for however long. DD woke up hourly every night for nearly 2 years and I've never had a night away from her.

I know it definitely isn’t easy, I can imagine how hard it must have been with the first few months but it glad things have gotten more easy for you! I have experienced it all with my sister when I lived their and seen how hard it was for her but as you said it’s worth it when you see them laugh and grow which I would love one day !!! Thankyou for your advice 💗

I had DD when I was 22, was pregnant at 21 and was in a worse position than you! I didn't live with DH (then boyfriend) and was still at university. It's one of those things that when you want it you just find a way to make it work I think. I had quite bad PND after she was born but was lucky to have a smooth pregnancy and lots of family support which helped a lot. I wouldn't change any of it and I'm quite glad to have had her younger.
Agree with pp though I found it hard not having any similar aged mum friends and none of my friends had children so I ended up losing touch with a lot of them as our lives became very different. However my body was the slimmest and best it's ever looked post pregnancy 🤣 No idea how that happened but was definitely a good boost!

Yeah that’s one thing about having children when your younger is you get your time back when your still young too! But I know I can imagine how exhausted you must be sometimes! But we both are definitely ready but their is a lot to think about isn’t their! But as you said their is probably never a perfect time, but thankyou for replying! Xx

@Butterfly23xx Myself and my husband have been together since we were 20 (we’re 36/37 now). We waited several years before we even considered kids and it was a massive massive lifestyle change once our little one came along and as mentioned above don’t expect it to be all rainbows and butterflies cause it’s not.

Yes being a parent can the best thing in the world but my god it can be the toughest one too, and each stage of a child’s life brings new challenges. Please don’t base how easy it is just on the nightfeeds and helping out that you’ve done, it’s a very naive thing to do, I’m sorry to say!

Your body will change, your hormones will change and unfortunately no woman will know how she will be (physically or mentally) once a little one comes along.

You’re 22, go live your life for another few more years, travel the world with your partner before the added worry of kids come into it.

Sorry to be so blunt x

yeah I agree , it’s lovely that you had family and friends to support you I can imagine that of been a hard time you for ! But yeah I’m the opposite all my friends have babies , I have a really good family that I know would always be very supportive like you too! And oh wow that’s amazing goo you!😂 hoping that will happen to myself xxx

I had my first last year at 38 and honestly wish I'd started sooner, although I spent my 20's travelling and wouldn't change this either. Body changes haven't bothered me at all, if you're dedicated you can bounce back pretty quickly. The only thing you must accept is that the minute you give birth you have to be UTTERLY selfless from then on, both of you. It will probably come naturally but you should accept it before deciding. If you have close family who can support you it will be priceless. My daughter is the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me and I can't even describe the love and happiness she makes me feel. Oh yes and motherhood may also make you an emotional sentimental puddle x

Ahh I understand, I did do a lot more than just night feeds I lived with my sister for a few years and was their for everything my niece calls me her second mum haha, but noo thankyou for telling the truth because sometimes it needs to be heard!

I wouldn’t be the type to sugar coat things 😂best to be honest 🙈 It’s a really big thing to think about, life changing! Take your time to think about it. Whatever you chose I hope everything works out well for you in the future x

I think it depends on what else you want from life.
I wanted a career, decent salary and my own home before children. Had my first at 35, wouldn't change that for anything, but it is hard work. I've done 8 years of uni, countless training programs and a high pressure job - all are easy compared to the 6 months of night feeds!
Even when DC are all grown I'll only be in my mid 50's (at peak career, mortgage free & still young enough to enjoy life!)

I wouldn't rush into having DC, it's not like you are running out of time - biologically speaking!