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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Friend too involved in pregnancy

24 replies

Harlxox · 15/04/2023 21:45

Hi everyone, really needing some advice.
my best friend of over 11 years has gone in a mood and not spoke to me all day because I messaged her this morning after an early gender scan that me, my mum and my partner attended letting her know I was having a boy. She replied that I was mean and that she would have loved to have come. I even had to lie about my first scan because she wanted to come to that too and I hate confrontation. She wants to come to every scan, she wants to be at the birth and she genuinely believes she will be taking my baby at times to go on walks etc. it’s really over bearing and I’m getting upset with it. She still now hasn’t replied to me and is genuinely in a mood that I’ve had a scan and not taken her. I’d understand if the dad wasn’t involved but he is so I don’t understand it. I don’t know if I want her around as she has made fraudulent calls to social services in the past when arguing with people, including my own mum. This is why I don’t want to start an argument with her, as I’m certain she will do the same to me and i will flip my lid but she’s being very over bearing and feels way too entitled to my child. What can I do? Has anyone else had anything similar?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TempNCforthis · 15/04/2023 21:47

Oh come on, you need to stop thinking of this woman as a friend. She makes false accusations, even against your own mother! That should have been the time to stop contact.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 15/04/2023 21:47

She’s no friend, I don’t really know where to start here, tbh.

Uncouple, pronto.

TMI2000 · 15/04/2023 21:52

She’s definitely no friend though I understand it must be hard to ignore her completely, personally I would start slowly phasing her our, talking to her less, meeting her less, if she asks just say you’re so busy and eventually stop talking to her so she has no reason to be angry and do anything rash!
she sounds like a toxic friend and you don’t need that around you right now!

Irridescantshimmmer · 15/04/2023 21:55

Your friend is no friend.

She sounds like too much high maintenance and has no right to be confrontational with you as your new baby is yours and your families' priority and not hers.

You need to tell her to back away, she is soneone you should not trust especially as she has made false reports about you to SS.

You are right to have your family and your partner at your scans.

You don't need some unhinged maniac making demands on you right now so I advise you to drop the 'friend' like a lead balloon.

blahblahblah1654 · 15/04/2023 22:00

She sounds dangerous! Best cut her out now before the baby is born.

monsteramunch · 15/04/2023 22:03

You've remained friends with someone who made malicious reports to SS about your own mum?

Why on earth are you in contact with her at all following that?

Eggseggseverywhere · 15/04/2023 22:04

She sounds like taking your dc for a walk and not bringing it back territory..
Get rid op. She sounds unhinged.

andhmk · 15/04/2023 22:06

Well that's crazy

BubziOwl · 15/04/2023 22:07

monsteramunch · 15/04/2023 22:03

You've remained friends with someone who made malicious reports to SS about your own mum?

Why on earth are you in contact with her at all following that?

Yeah, OP, this beggars belief! That's really not normal behaviour from her, to put it lightly. You deserve better people in your life than this! She is no friend.

trulyunruly01 · 15/04/2023 22:10

I would be very concerned about having such a person anywhere near my baby at all.
Best you get this sorted and concluded before the baby arrives.

Foodylicious · 15/04/2023 22:13

Let her not talk to you.
And when she does eventually get in touch, don't fall over yourself to accept an apology if she offers one. And definitely don't apologise.

Gently phase her out if you can. Be non- committal about meet ups and just not that interested either way.
Be less available, so don't reply to messages or answer the phone right away.
Keep filling up your time with other people- mum, OH etc.

You probably will have to be direct with her at some point.
So when she brings up being at the birth you will need to say clearly something like "you do realise that's not happening don't you?, I'd appreciate the offer if I was on my own, but I have OH and its our baby"

And don't feel tied to her due to the length of time you've known her.

Oh, and congratulations!

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 15/04/2023 22:36

She’s off her rocker. Cut her off. Post haste.

Emmamoo89 · 15/04/2023 22:36

She's not a friend. Cut her off x

Summer2424 · 15/04/2023 22:37

Hi @Harlxox defo phase this friend out, initially just start by taking a few days to reply to any texts and don't answer phone calls.
Congrats on your pregnancy! x

herlightmaterials · 15/04/2023 22:40

She sounds dangerous. I would let her know that you feel the friendship has run its course.

ChaToilLeam · 15/04/2023 22:46

She sounds unhinged. And do you really want someone who makes malicious reports to SS as a friend - someone who reported your own mother?

Grey rock, phase her out.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 15/04/2023 22:47

herlightmaterials · 15/04/2023 22:40

She sounds dangerous. I would let her know that you feel the friendship has run its course.

I wouldn’t tell her anything. She’s already behaved unforgivably so why trigger a ‘dangerous’ person more?

Original poster

Harlxox · 15/04/2023 23:04

We were 13 at the time and I just kinda assumed she’d grown out of it, until she said she was calling them on a woman she argued with on Facebook (that she doesn’t even know)

OP posts:

Original poster

Harlxox · 15/04/2023 23:04

I just worry that cutting off will push her to make those calls, it terrifies me

OP posts:

Original poster

Harlxox · 15/04/2023 23:05

thank you so much x

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 15/04/2023 23:07

I don’t know if I want her around as she has made fraudulent calls to social services in the past when arguing with people

Cut her out of your life immediately. You will massively regret it if you don't.

andhmk · 15/04/2023 23:14

Harlxox · 15/04/2023 23:04

I just worry that cutting off will push her to make those calls, it terrifies me

Weird reason to stay friends with someone, most people would want them well out of your life and away from your kids. Let her make the calls, there won't be any proof of anything and I'm sure if she's done it a few times maliciously it will be recorded somewhere.

Smallyellowbird · 15/04/2023 23:34

You can't keep pretending to be friends with her because you're scared shereport you yo social services, it would mean keeping up a facade for at least 18 years!

When she gets back in touch you need to be too tired/busy to see her, and keep putting her off - she doesn't sound like someone who would take well to a frank conversation.

If cut off contact with her now she's mad enough to report you to social services when the baby arrives it will be clear to them that it's a malicious complaint - if she's not in your life she won't have any grounds for stating that you have neglected/abused your child.

Brightbouquet · 16/04/2023 00:23

Social services don't remove children from families just because of a phone call. They would always investigate and even when there is a need they do everything they can do keep families together as long as it is in the best interest of the child. So this is not a threat to you and a reason to maintain this "friendship", let her make the calls, SS will see through it. Good luck with your pregnancy

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