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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby showers

24 replies

cruciverbalista · 15/04/2023 09:44

I know, I know, it's an American tradition that's frowned upon. But... I'm American! I moved to the UK a few years ago because my husband is British, and regularly throw things like Independence Day or Thanksgiving parties. I'm not really fully assimilated into the culture here yet, haha.

Anyway, first pregnancy and obviously I assumed we'd have a shower, but it looks like they're really unpopular here and I don't want to rock the boat or annoy our local friends/family. I suspect people back home would want a chance to give us gifts-- maybe I should throw one over Zoom? It doesn't really feel the same, though.

Any thoughts appreciated.

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BabyBabyBaby123 · 15/04/2023 09:46

I know so many people who have baby showers or gender reveal parties.
Not really my cup of tea, but if you want one have one!

Rainpuddle · 15/04/2023 09:47

What age are you? Just asking because my 26 and 27 year old friends are having baby showers. I think it is becoming a thing, among younger mums at least. You could always throw your own and I'm sure those invited would come along!

featherlampshade · 15/04/2023 09:48

Baby showers are definitely a thing over here! I mean, not widely popular but they do happen. I have two separate showers to attend tomorrow 😊 if it's important to you then do it xx

WandaWonder · 15/04/2023 09:49

I didn't have one but if I was going to it would have been 'I am having a baby soon so how about we have a get together' rather than an actual specific baby showed

But if you want nothing wrong with one

HoppingPavlova · 15/04/2023 09:53

Tacky and grabby all at once. You may get people there but would be under obligation and sufferance and there would likely be internal eye rolling. Seems more popular now with the young as another social media opportunity.

Sallyh87 · 15/04/2023 10:00

My friends (early - mid 30s) all had them. It was just a nice little party, played some games and we all gave some gifts for the baby or Mom. I didn’t see it as grabby anymore then I would a birthday party.

I didn’t have one as I hate events that are centred around me!

If you want one, I agree with any excuse for a party. I would also love to be invited to an Independence Day barbeque or thanksgiving dinner ☺️

Mumsnet seems to really hate them, that is not my experience in real life.

PickledScrump · 15/04/2023 10:07

I have known of a few happen here, but not in the same way as the US. There’s not much focus on gift giving more just a bit of food, some cake and really cringey games.

If you want one have one, just don’t expect the same level of gift giving.

Original poster

cruciverbalista · 15/04/2023 10:46

Rainpuddle · 15/04/2023 09:47

I am 32 and not on Instagram :)

OP posts:

Original poster

cruciverbalista · 15/04/2023 10:48

Thanks for the feedback all, maybe we'll plan somrthing similar but a bit less traditional. I do like hosting events and won't have a chance for a while after baby comes!

OP posts:

Bumbers · 15/04/2023 10:54

I'm in my late 30s and most people I know had baby showers (we all had our kids late). I didn't for various reasons, but would happily go to someone else's (now, not when suffering infertility etc). I don't like the games etc, but a get together with your friends is fine/lovely!

Gemstar2 · 15/04/2023 11:07

I didn’t have one, but I know lots of people who did - it’s it’s definitely a thing here too nowadays and people wouldn’t be surprised to be invited to one. Personally I’ve only been to one - for a colleague from the US living in the UK. We (the office friendship group) all went, as we knew it was an important tradition for her and if something is important to a friend people generally want to do it! My advice would be to frame it as a last get together before baby comes so you can manage your expectations re gifts - you might find people more superstitious about buying things ahead of the baby arriving here.

BelleSauvage9 · 15/04/2023 11:10

I really don't understand the hate for baby showers 🤷‍♀️ I think it's just a nice get together to celebrate baby and mum. People always say it's grabby but I think that really depends on the person! I've had one for each of my pregnancies, I don't expect gifts at all, it's just nice to get together with family and friends, play some games, eat some food etc.

Go ahead and have one op 😊 and congratulations on your baby

B0g · 15/04/2023 11:17

They’re for being ‘showered’ with consumer products. The whole point of them is gifts. If you want a party for being pregnant, fine, but it’s not a ‘baby shower’. OP wants gifts. Guests can choose to attend or not attend🤷🏼‍♀️

WaltzingWaters · 15/04/2023 11:22

I didn’t have one but went to one a few week ago. I think what annoys me is now the expectation to get a gift for the baby shower, and then another gift when baby is actually born. That’s why it seems grabby I think. I’d happily go to the baby shower if it’s low-key, but would rather wait and give a gift when baby is born.
But they’re definitely widely done here nowadays. Maybe don’t make such a big thing of it, a get together to meet up, but not a huge party.

drpet49 · 15/04/2023 11:23

They are only unpopular on MN. I love attending baby showers.

drpet49 · 15/04/2023 11:25

B0g · 15/04/2023 11:17

Not necessarily. I’ve been to ones where gifts were not given.

Fandabedodgy · 15/04/2023 11:27

They are marmite

I have some friends who like and expect them

Others who loathe and detest them. Im in the loathe camp.

However as you actually are American I'd be sympathetic as it's your culture.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2023 11:28

Oh just plan one OP. I’d never throw one for myself but I don’t begrudge other people that do. Plus you’re American - you get a free pass 😀. Honestly in real life I don’t think they’re hated as much as people on MN make out.

I would say that in the U.K. the custom is to give a gift when the baby is born, so I’d err towards specifying no gifts at the shower… I think our culture is more superstitious.

Kranke · 15/04/2023 11:28

Personally I prefer to buy a gift once the baby is actually here, both myself and a lot of my friend’s have had baby losses so I never want to tempt fate. You could have people over for tea and sandwiches, just make it clear you’re not expecting gifts, as you can see on here a lot of people are struggling at the moment so you don’t want to put people in an awkward position of feeling they are obliged to buy a gift if they can’t afford to.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/04/2023 11:29

There are many people who believe it is only appropriate to give a baby gift once the baby has safely arrived, not before the baby is born.

If you want one, have one. They are definitely more of a thing now

Pahpahpotato · 15/04/2023 11:30

Oh go for it. I love a baby shower, such an exciting time for mum to be and I think it’s just nice to be involved. Mumsnet is very down on these things but I don’t think that’s always completely representative of real life. Certainly all my friends had baby showers and so did I (mid - late twenties), some super low key, some less so, some had games and gifts, some were just a nice excuse to get together before baby!.

Fernanfrank · 15/04/2023 12:19

My mum had a 'baby shower' type party in the 80's. As did a lot of her friends. I don't think they're as new a concept as people in the UK like to make out. MN hates anything like that though, at times it's not a true representation of the real world on here.

I didn't have one but all my friends did. Personally loved attending them and getting the chance to gather as a group to make one feel special. We didn't 'shower' then with 'consumer products' tat like someone up thread suggested.

Twizbe · 15/04/2023 12:35

Baby showers are a thing here but the don't follow the same rules.

You can host your own one (which is a huge no no across the pond)

You don't send out gift lists ( some people do but it's hugely grabby)

Some people (like me) feel it's unlucky to celebrate a baby before it's born. They either won't attend or won't bring a present.

People won't tend to travel for one.

B0g · 15/04/2023 16:06

@drpet49 ok? So it was just a party for being pregnant then, since, as I said, showers are for showering someone with products. That’s why they’re called that.

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