Risk of miscarriage and genetic etc, when can I announce healthy pregnancy

[aibuaibuaibu]

I'm 5+4 pregnant and the tiredness and sickness is real..... I'm also very excited, somewhat.

I've been reading on this and other sites about miscarriages and genetic testing etc. I've got my first "booking appointment" at 10 weeks.

I've just started a new job and a male boss, so I don't think I will get much sympathy. It's a company with 300 employees and I doubt I'll get sacked but it's just awkward being pregnant so early and im the only one doing my job.

Anyway, I've had no bleeding so far and feel dog rough with tiredness at various times and vomiting Sunday.

When will I get the genetic testing done and results?

I’m not sure what you are asking, but congratulations.

is it the Harmony blood test you are talking about?

You won't have any genetic testing done in a normal pregnancy.

You can announce it whenever you like, there's no hard and fast rule. People like to wait until 12 weeks but I've never really understood that as things can still go wildly wrong after that, it's not a magic 'safe' point.

Can I just say, in my experience for a lot of issues health and otherwise, I've found having a male boss easier than a female one, sometimes it's actually females who have less sympathy for issues than men. Just my experience

I’m not entirely sure what genetic testing you’re referring to as there’s no magic test that can predict miscarriage unfortunately.

At your booking in appointment the midwife will go through your and your partners medical history as well as taking bloods to check your blood group and rhesus status as well as screening for hiv, syphilis, hep b and rubella I think. Once you’ve been booked in you’ll be given a date for your 12wk growth scan.

I think you might be talking about the tests for Edwards/pataus/down syndrome?

They take measurements of baby at the 12w scan and a blood test and then this will tell you if you're high risk for one of those (takes about two weeks) but most people share the news after the 12w scan if everything looks fine.

Congratulations! Definitely appreciate your predicament - as you're new to your job it might actually be a good idea to tell your boss early so you're protected a little as HR are normally pretty hot on any pregnancy discrimination. I told my (male) boss before my family even because I have diabetes so needed to go for fortnightly appointments and am in a very stressful role so wanted to ease off my workload - he was happier about the pregnancy than I was I think - he said it was so nice to hear good news!! So your boss might surprise you and it felt so much better arranging appointments etc. after that. I also asked him not to tell anyone else and he honoured that.

Regarding the testing / telling people - it depends on your circumstances. We waited until the downs syndrome / Edwards test had been done at 12 weeks before telling immediate family because we agreed - sorry if this offends anyone - that we would probably abort if there was a high risk just because we felt we wouldn't cope and it wouldn't be fair (highly respect people who make other choices). The results for this test are pretty quick if you're low risk but, as someone else said, can take up to 2 weeks. The advice I've heard from other people is tell people at this stage who you would want to share / talk about a miscarriage with.

Because I'm at high risk for miscarriages with diabetes, I didn't tell anyone else until after the 20 week scan and, even then, I only drip fed it as and when I saw friends and other family. I'm sure if we were lower risk we might have shared a bit earlier but I'm glad we waited because I felt much more confident and tbh it's meant less questions about baby / how you're feeling which is all that anyone will talk to you about once they know :-P Good luck with your decision!

I've had one male boss who didn't know what a flexible working request was - he worked providing legal advise including employment law. Another female who was very clued into being a caring boss. Current boss isn't very emotional, getting to know me etc. i shouldn't have written what I did. It's just a new job,

Yes this.

I’m currently 11w and will only be telling a few select people (including managers at work) after my dating scan on Tuesday. I don’t think there is any major rule for when you can tell people but for me I wanted to keep my secret a little bit longer!

How did you get over the tiredness!

@aibuaibuaibu I am totally exhausted still, I have good days but then really bad days! I just make sure I slow down if I’m exhausted. I’m hoping my second trimester gives me some energy back

Oh goodness!

Tell people when you want OP.

First time round I think I told 1 friend when we got the BFP and then our parents when we had a private scan at around 9 weeks and we’d seen a heartbeat, everyone else found out between 12 and 20 ish. I had to tell work at 13 weeks because I was off sick for 2 weeks.

This time round I told my mum at about 6 weeks because I was struggling with feeling unwell, needed her help and didn’t want her to worry. We told a few very close friends almost as soon as we found out. We were so happy to be pregnant.

I almost told work at 7 weeks because I was unwell but wasn’t too bad in the end so will hold out a bit longer. We’re having an early private scan again at around 9 weeks and will probably start telling people in person after then just as and when we see them.

Is there anything we can do to help the exhaustion?

@aibuaibuaibu the tiredness is really common in the first few months. Just make sure you rest when you need too, take your vitamins and drink loads of water. At your booking in appointment with the midwives you will have bloods etc taken which will check for an deficiencies etc

Your 10 week booking appointment will probably just be the midwife collecting lots of information from you.

And following that you’ll be booked in for a scan between 12-14 weeks.

I personally wouldn’t tell work until after 12 week scan if I could help it. I would like the confirmation that I was still carrying a healthy baby.

I'd personally wait for 12 week scan before telling work but there's no rule. There's always a risk throughout pregnancy, it just statistically goes down after 12 weeks. And I have no idea why you'd be sacked?

Sleep and eat well. Listen to your body as much as you can.

It’ll pass. Then baby will be born and you’ll be exhausted for years 😂

I told people after the dating scan with my older ones. Then with my 2nd youngest we had problems diagnosed at the anomaly scan at 20 weeks. I found it quite stressful with family members ringing up and asking if we were having a boy or a girl while we were trying to get our heads round a life changing diagnosis. So we ended up telling some people about the diagnosis before we understood it properly ourselves. Also I found that the hospital were very cautious about telling us about the problems, saying things like such and such is a possibility but you need another scan to check. But at the same time they also referred us on so we got a phone call the next day with a cheery "Hi, it's Tracey, specialist nurse from the xyx syndrome team, are you free to have a chat about the operation your baby will need in 6 months time?" Then I had some family members who thought they knew better than the drs, family members who kept giving unwanted advice and some people just crying, it was awful. So with our youngest we waited until after the 20 week scan showed everything seemed to be going well.

It’s totally up to you. I told my boss first because of safety issues with my job then close family at 10 weeks after a private scan (happened to be Xmas otherwise I might have waited for the 12 week scan) and then everyone else after the 20 week scan. After a miscarriage scare in the early weeks I was quite reluctant to announce the news to anyone I didn’t have to.

The exhaustion phase happed to correspond with the Omicron wave and I managed it by working at home. Luckily it did pass and I felt much better from around 10 weeks.

It's like o want him to know but I don't....