Trying for Your Ideal Birth Second Time Around

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I am wondering what you all found helpful in preparing for your second birth if things didn't go as planned the first time. With my first child, I really wanted to have a water birth in the midwife-led birthing centre. However, due to bleeding I immediately got sent up to the consultant-led unit of the hospital and had a much more medicalized birth. I felt really listened to despite all of this, and in the end did have a vaginal birth, but I also had many more interventions than I wanted to have. The one intervention I chose due to a long and intense labour was an epidural, and I'm really keen to avoid this in particular as I hated not feeling my legs as the epidural moved lower and lower down (i.e. first numbing around my stomach and then more my pelvic area so that I was feeling contractions but not baby being born).

Of course I know I can't control everything, and I'm okay with interventions if that's what's needed, but I'm hoping that things I could control like choosing an epidural I can do better on by managing the pain in other ways. I definitely think in my case having to go to hospital sooner due to the bleeding did not help. As soon as I left home I felt labour slowing and being in the hospital room without access to the pool threw me off. My contractions also did not follow the whole textbook pattern and I felt them coming thick and fast from the beginning, despite the fact that my body was very, very slowly dilating (as it happens, this is common in my family where we dilate slowly and then BAM are fully dilated all of a sudden).

I'm looking into pain relief options I didn't try before like a TENS machine and hypnobirthing. I don't want to pay for classes, but if there are online resources or a really good book I can buy I'm happy to pick these up. Any other tips really welcome! This is probably my last baby, and for many reasons I want it to be a more positive experience. To be honest, there were many reasons why my first birth was challenging, particularly shortly after baby was born, and I never did get the counseling offered by the hospital and am finding a bit of that coming back and bringing in extra fear as I get closer to my due date.

I would recommend reading The Positive Birth book by Milli Hill.

@Scroobydoo , I'll take a look--thanks! I never had the bleeding explained just told 'it was more blood than expected for it to be the "show"' so they wanted to monitor me closely. I'm hoping that doesn't happen again so I can labour longer at home and be in the birthing centre once it's time to go to the hospital. That in and of itself will be a really positive improvement from last time.

Planned home birth with hypnobirthing for second baby after traumatic hospital birth with lots of interventions for first baby. First birth was very hard, second was a quick and easy birth with a very fast postnatal recovery.

I just want to say that I had a less than ideal first birth and really hoped second time would be different. I put a lot of effort and planning in, including speaking to my midwife & the hospital about the things that were really important, including having them written down, and a whole load of other stuff too.

In the end it didn’t go to plan at all. But it was still a really positive experience - because I had thought through and talked through all the possibilities (well as many as possible) and so none of it felt out of control which had really been the big issue first time round. It ended up being very healing, despite not being at all how I had hoped (& pretty hairy medically for a while).

So please please don’t worry that if it doesn’t work out exactly how you hope it will be a bad experience.

I had quite a medicalised first birth, my waters went and then I had slow progression so they induced me. I ended up with a epidural, episiotomy and ventouse. It wasn't traumatic but I feel some of the intervention was unnecessary.

The second started the same way with my waters going first and then slow progression. However I felt more confident and refused an induction (and any intervention to be honest), I let them look at various points but refused any physical examinations. I did use tens and gas & air, and I had a very lovely birth second time around.

On my second my waters broke nearly six weeks early so obviously I'd zero control over how it all went. I think the main thing is to plan for ideally what you'd like but be prepared for plans to change which can be out of your control. That doesn't mean that it's a bad experience.

Digital hypnobirthing by positive birth company.

My first birth was very slow and very much what everybody else was thinking, and expecting, me to do. None of it felt natural to me and I didn't like it.
My second birth I researched lots of stuff (specifically how to have a natural, faster birth) and did it totally how I wanted. It was nice, I felt totally in control of what was happening and quite enjoyed the whole experience. Once I was in labour i didn't stop walking about until I physically couldn't anymore. I then stood (never laid down once because I read that slows labour as the baby has to go against gravity) and gave birth on all fours. I had an older midwife who clearly didn't agree with me doing that, but I ignored her.
My third birth I did the same but gave birth standing up and it was even faster and easier (no pain relief either because I was totally in control and didn't feel I needed it).
If I could give you one piece of advice I'd say go with whatever feels right that you may have learnt from the birth of your first child. But, as other people say, expect that things may not go to plan. Good luck!!

I had a similar first birth. I had a bleed in labour which meant I had to go to labour ward. I was monitored and delivered on my back etc. I didn't have an epidural as I was also pretty quick.

It was a good birth though.

For my second I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted. A low intervention water birth in the MLU. That's exactly what I got and it was amazingly beautiful. I didn't bleed that time and I think that gave me some confidence to continue with how I was...

I'd also recommend the positive birth book. I've recently read it for academic purposes and I WISH I'd read it before my births. I was firmly in the 'no point having a birth plan' camp but after reading that I've changed my mind a lot. I realised that my 'no birth plan' was actually me thinking through the things I really wanted to repeat (DH telling me the sex) snd things I really didn't want to repeat (the fucking cannula)

@Philandbill , I would consider this but my first had to be in SCBU for weeks and needed immediate surgery within 24 hours of birth (part of my fear is related to the trauma from that experience). My first child is well and happy and healthy now, but we thought she would die at first and it was a very scary and confusing time. I wouldn't be away from hospital now as I do think having the right experts so close to hand played a role in her survival (though I do want to give birth in the midwife-led unit which is part of the hospital near me, if I don't get kicked up to the consultant-led unit again).

I had a terrible experience first time giving birth, with lots of interventions and trauma afterwards. When pregnant second time around I requested a debrief from the hospital to talk about what happened, why decisions were made and how it felt from my experience which was really helpful and had some counselling. In terms of preparing I found the positive birth book great and cannot recommend JuJu Sundin's birth skills book enough. The second labour was so different and less chaotic. I was able to manage my pain and anxiety so much better that I didn't need any interventions and it was a really healing experience.

@AnonymousArabella , I do feel that's what I need the most. Some things will already be better, because it's a familiar hospital and I know more how things will go (or potentially not go) so that I don't think changes will bother me as much. I am going to bring this up with my midwife at my 28-week appointment, and just see what options there are to discuss my previous birth experience. I was really happy with my care during the labour itself last time, even though it didn't go as planned, though really do want to try to avoid the epidural in particular. The fear from my experience following my daughter being born is also kind of hanging over me as things get closer.

@Twizbe , Sounds very similar to my experience, expect that my first labour was long. I gave in to an epidural after 12 hours and very little progress dilating--think I was only 3-4cm at that point and was so totally knackered. I really want to be in the MLU this time so your story gives me hope!

@staybyyou , I meant to refuse physical exams as well and can't remember why I caved on that. I do think knowing how little I was dilating really took away my motivation as it made it harder to focus and carry on working through contractions.

@SparkyBlue , That must've been scary at the time! Totally agree on being prepared for change. I wouldn't say my first birth was traumatic (though the after part was). The doctors that oversaw my labour were lovely and caring, and they gave me time despite the length of my birth to deliver vaginally the way I had wanted. They even checked in on me when they heard our baby was sick and in SCBU. But there are still things I'd do different and knowing more what it's like giving birth definitely helps.

@UnaVaca , Thanks, that sounds perfect!

@comfyslippets , That's one thing I am researching more. I did take a birth course, but because I ended up in the consultant-led unit it was like all that knowledge left my brain. I ended up delivering on my back with the epidural, and I completely hated that feeling and regretted that decision later on.

@BlueMoon23 , Thank you for sharing your experience. I do think some kind of reflection on my first birth with a midwife or professional would help. I do want to understand a few things from the delivery, but also work through some of the trauma of the post-birth period.

I wanted a vaginal birth in a MLU and went to pregnancy yoga etc but ended up with a failed induction and a c section. I then struggled to bf. I was traumatised by the whole experience and felt I'd failed and also missed out on the "real" experience of birth.

The second time they said they would need to induce again with low chance of success. After various meetings and thought I decided to go straight for the c section. Baby was poorly after birth and had to have some formula early on as I couldn't express enough for her feeding tube.

Weirdly the second experience helped me make peace with the first. I stopped feeling the way I had about the first time. The babies were here and I gave birth to them. I hope you get the birth you want but I wanted to give another positive perspective in case you don't.

With my first birth I found the TENS machine really good, there are ones you can hire for giving birth and they have a setting that you press when the contraction starts and then to stop. It’s a weird distraction rather than pain relief but I found it helped. I used gas and air when pushing and when being sutured.

I did the ‘baby chapter’ online hypnobirthing and antenatal course which is made by a midwife which I thought was really useful because you get a good overview of how decisions are made and how to prepare for all eventualities and use hypnobirthing in these. I used the Freyja App when contractions started until I was giving birth (poor midwife lol) you press it as a contraction starts and it talks you through breathing and then you stop it when it stops and then it chats meditation like stuff on between.
I did like the water birth, but you are stuck in a position (bum under water) and I know someone who got in and then hated it-felt like a bug on her back and demanded to get out.
im pregnant again and will defo be doing hypnobirthing/ taking a birth plan to the hospital. Hypnobirthing was good for me because it tries to minimise the fear response you get from unexpected things happening during labour which can then slow/stall labour. I work in healthcare so was too aware of what could go wrong and it really helped me trust in my body and trust the midwives. I hope we both get epic 2nd births 🤞