Hand hold in my place to vent...

[OnNaturesCourse]

Recently found out I am pregnant. I will be around 4 weeks 3 days.

Not planned.

We were trying a while ago but decided to take a break for a few months as we have commitments at the end of the year that being heavily pregnant wouldn't have been ideal for. Since taking the break our finances have went all over the place with the rise in the cost of living, and truthfully some debts getting a hold of us as the cost of everything goes up. So we had no plans on returning to TTC again for the foreseeable.

Having discussed it there are definitely more cons than pros - DP thinks this means decision made, we need a termination. I agree it is the most logical decision given how our circumstances are just now (plus we have other children to think of as well.) But my heart is broken. This was a longed for child a few months back, something we were trying for. Now I just can't see how we'd manage, and I don't want DP under any more stress (suffers with depression and anxiety)

I need a safe place to vent and bounce all my thoughts around.

Is a termination as scary as it sounds? I have done some research on the medical route (pills) and it sounds like very mild labour to then pass "it". I'm also perplexed with the time it takes from referral to appointment to termination as I'm told it can be 2-3 weeks, and that I'd need a scan to confirm my dates? I think having a scan would make it even harder for me to go through with it.

Hi. Obviously this is a hard decision for you to make. Are you sure you want to terminate the pregnancy? There is never a good time to fall pregnant I've found, things will always crop up. It needs to be your choice.

So for the pill abortion you will have a scan to see how far along you are (not that you can see the screen) as this option can only be done upto 8 or 9 weeks i do believe. After that it will have to be surgical. To make sure everything comes away and less risk of infection to you.

I hope that's helped a little.

I don't want to terminate at all but I feel I don't have much choice in our current circumstances.

Thank you for replying.

Even just having a neutral place to bounce off and vent is helping.

Sorry @OnNaturesCourse , horrible situation for you to be in. Making this decision will be difficult but for me, putting extra stress on your DH shouldn’t be a big part of that. It will be a lot of additional stress for you, if you don’t want a termination. As pp said there is never a good time to have a baby.

Anyway, sending you hugs x

Thanks.

I do worry about the stress of it on everyone to be fair but especially him. (at the same time we both got ourselves in to this though...)

If I continue the pregnancy we will need to cancel a long haul, once in a lifetime sort of holiday too. Deposit will need to be paid/returned to my parents who kindly gifted us it as last year's Christmas.
(but honestly the financial pressure of spending money, passports etc would be lifted off us if we done this too so pro's and cons)

If you're even a little bit unsure, don't do it.
I went back and forth for weeks about what I wanted to do.
My main worry was about what everyone else would think and those same people who I would need to rely on for childcare so I could go back to work.
I stupidly decided to take the first abortion pill last Thursday and instant regretted it. I didn't take the 2nd round and am currently 4 days into the side effects unsure if I will actually miscarry from mifepristone alone. Something told me to drop the tablet into the toilet and I didn't and now I'm hoping with everything I have this baby makes it.
I'm 11+1 today.

Your situation now will be different in 8 months time. If you're completely sure then termination is perfectly okay. If you're not, give yourself that time to think it through. When I had my first (and hopefully last) abortion in 2019, they scanned me with the screen turned away and it was okay, just like a heavy period for a few hours that gradually got lighter.

Good luck for whatever you choose 💜

Would your travel insurance cover the cancellation fee?

If cancelling the holiday would free up some money and make this pregnancy (which you clearly want) more viable then I think that’s very sensible.

If you want this pregnancy, I would approach it from a point of view of ‘how can I make it work’ as opposed to why it can’t. Not saying that’s easy though!

Is the holiday the main reason? I wouldn’t terminate for a holiday OP. It’s a very difficult position to be in, but what you want does still matter even if the circumstances aren’t great. Take more time to mull it over and discuss it again once the initial shock has worn off and make sure you are sure as possible before terminating.

Hi Op
It's obvious you don't want to terminate pregnancy,

I agree with @Sallyh87 post ...

@Brickbrick I'm really sorry if I've read this wrong but are you saying you've taken the pill abortion last Thursday but not taken the second tablet? If so you need to get that second tablet. Or your going to have a massive infection. The first tablet stops blood flow and everything going to fetus so it's no longer viable. The second tablet just makes your muscles contract to be able to pass it. Again I'm sorry if I've read that wrong but I just don't want you to end up being really ill.

Have you sought medical advice? You were too far along to take the pills at home anyway, and your situation could be dangerous now if left unattended, please contact a midwife you haven’t already. I really hope you get the outcome you want though 💐

Thanks for your concern @Coffeellama and @Blondie1024
I had a scan yesterday that showed baby is okay, heartbeat perfect, no issues with placenta or lining. I was actually sick after taking the tablet so it might not have been taken any effect but I did tell my midwife and was given antibiotics just in case of infection.
But anyway I feel bad for derailing the ops thread! I shouldn't have written all of that, my point was to just be sure of your choice even if there's any doubt. Sorry op 💐

I think it’s great that you have thought logically about pros and cons, however I think it’s really important to consider the emotional aspect. You are the one who has to go through an abortion and you have to live with that decision. From your post you don’t sound ok with it. It sounds as though you’re trying to convince yourself. Would you enjoy the holiday after having a termination to go? How would you feel if you weren’t able to conceive again in the future? I’m not trying to be negative just these are things that you should also consider. It’s a really hard decision to make and I hope you are able to make the right one for you

Obviously, it's very much your decision and one that only you can make. I am very much of the opinion that everything happens for a reason - there's a reason this didn't happen a few months ago and did now. Holidays can usually be postponed or cancelled when it relates to a medical reason - most airlines wouldn't allow you to fly heavily pregnant unless it's for certain circumstances. As a previous poster has said, pregnancies rarely come at the perfect time - 45% are unplanned in England.

@Brickbrick I'm glad everything turned out OK for you. One of my fears is doing exactly what you did but not having the good outcome. I feel more confident in my decision if the process could be over and done with quickly rather than a few weeks wait and days in between pills etc.

My other babies had scans at 6 weeks and a couple of days and had heart beats - I know if I get to that stage there's no termination for me. I'm not against it but I don't feel like I could. Right now I can tell myself "it's" just cells. The longer it goes on the more attached I am getting - plus I've had symptoms for about a week that I've put down to illness but now I know what's causing them I'm more invested.. If that makes sense at all.

Thank you for everyone's kind responses. So far we are still going ahead with it, plans to call my GP tomorrow morning and discuss it.

On another note - my tests are very very positive but I'm 100% sure of my dates. Has anyone else had a almost dye stealer of a test at 4 - 5 weeks?

Woke up this morning to DP asking when I'll call the GP / clinic so looks like he's still 100% in his decision.

I've gone in the other direction and I'm 70% sure I'm not terminating.

I think I am going to make the point to him that if I had fallen pregnant a few months ago we'd still have a baby on the way in our current circumstances - we'd need to suck it up and get on with it. So I don't see why we cant have the same attitude now.

I don’t think you should be having a termination. You need to explain to your DP it’s a much wanted pregnancy for you and if you go ahead in terminating for him alone you will resent him which will damage your relationship long term.

I think not having the termination may impact our relationship too.

Strain from the decision then from the sleepless nights and worries etc.

Just updating and venting again.

We still haven't come to an agreed decision. I'm now really starting to feel the pregnancy in terms of nausea, heartburn and digestive issues which isn't making me the most level headed person - poor DP 😂

We tried to contact the clinic yesterday to discuss options etc but couldn't get a answer all day. Don't know if that's a sign or not!