26 weeks, having second thoughts

[KOrca]

Hi everyone.
I'm 26 weeks pregnant and starting to have second thoughts about whether or not this is right for me.
I had my Mirena coil removed as it was due for removal or change, and we decided we would just see what happens.. nothing did for about 2 years. Then whilst on holiday in October, I became pregnant.
I was in the process of changing jobs because we had moved from the North West to the East Midlands, and didn't realise at the time that this would mean I get no SMP, only £656 mat allowance per month. So when I became pregnant and we decided to keep the baby, I didn't realise the financial turmoil we'd be launching ourselves into. If I had known, I probably would have aborted and then we would wait until I was in my job long enough to qualify for mat pay.
Anyway, I'm now at the point where it's too late to consider termination, and having had 4D scans and getting daily movement, I am very excited to meet my baby, but I am absolutely terrified at the thought of the financial situation we will be in. My partner earns a good wage, so we aren't eligible for any benefits, but the majority of his money goes to paying off debts from over 10 years ago, so we don't actually have that much money.
How have other people dealt with the financial ramifications of having a baby? My sister-in-law has been very kind and given us all her baby stuff so fortunately we don't have to find money for that, but paying rent and bills will be a serious issue. I'm terrified we have made a huge mistake and will be scraping by for the rest of our lives, never able to get married or buy a house or go on holiday or even buy new clothes.

In my experience you just muddle through and deal with it/make it work. What else can you do really?

Very few people have a baby when it's perfect timing, and when it is perfect timing it sometimes just doesn't happen. Most posters on here would likely say they fell pregnant at the worst time for lots of different reasons money, jobs, relationships etc. Could you revisit the debts and refinance so you pay pay more now before you go on maternity leave and less whilst on leave? You could look into taking payment holidays and see if you qualify and there are organisations such as Christians Against Poverty that can help/advise with financial difficulties/debt. Also would any family members help? 💐

Other than the first 6 weeks maternity allowance is at the same rate as SMP anyway.

You can always go back to work sooner, although of course you’ll have childcare costs.

can you take a break/pay the minimum on your debts for a time?

It’ll be OK.

@KOrca so sorry that you're feeling so anxious. I think a lot of people starting families at the moment are feeling the same with cost if living crisis etc. It is a bit scary and daunting. Take some deep breaths and bear in mind:

Babies in the first year really don't have to cost a lot - especially if you have people around happy to pass on equipment and stuff which is great that you do. If you can manage to breastfeed that would save you money on formula too. There is an element of 'keeping up with the Jones' around baby and toddler stuff but very few bits are things that you have to do. It is possible to not have to spend loads.

Try not to project ahead. Once Bubba is here, life will adapt. Their needs grow as your parenting skills grow. The expenses related to children do increase with time but again, there are choices to be made within that. Things are looking hopeful RE childcare costs improving a bit quite soon and that should be a big help to lots of families.

It's great that your partner is in a good earning role, and great that you are working on getting debts etc paid off. Even if this makes times a bit tough in the shorter term, it will be a good investment longer-term. I wonder if it would be worth talking to someone re the debt repayment to find a different way/consolidating payments etc to free up a bit more monthly money once little one arrives. Could be worth asking citizens advice or something to see what options are available to you.

Again, I'm really sorry that you are feeling so stressed and wish you the best going forwards.

So sorry you're feeling this way ❤️ I'm just here to share that I'm in a similar situation, I changed job in October 2022 and fell pregnant in November 2022 - only qualify for the basic maternity pay level and I'm the main earner in our household. It's really overwhelming and I know how stuck you feel!

Ask your partner to up his debt repayments now to try and shift the debt sooner, he'll pay less interest overall that way.

Look at what subscriptions you can stop for now.

Cut down on spends like any hot drinks you buy out or lunches. Meal planning can help reduce your supermarket shop.
Turn down the boiler temperature for your hot water.
Shop around for a cheap sim-only mobile phone deal.
Look on Facebook marketplace or charity shops if you need more clothes,

Start building up a pot for nursery or childminder fees, you should qualify for tax free childcare

Just to mention, has your partner looked at the Shared Parental Leave section of his contract? It's separate to the paternity leave section. My partner, many of my friends' partners and some of our antenatal groups partners received an enhanced Shared Parental Leave Package. Most got full pay for a few months. My partner got 5 months full pay. My company pays men and women the same number of months full pay. So it could be worth looking into and speaking with his HR to see if there's something that could be done here

@Daffodil63 We've been paying off as much as we can for a while now which has made a dent. I will look into Christians Against Poverty, thank you ❤️

@TooOldForThisNonsense The problem I have is that if I went back to work, 100% of my wage would go towards childcare costs, so it doesn't make sense to do that. I mentioned to my partner about looking into payment breaks which he is going to do, so thank you ❤️

@SnookyPook Thank you for these very kind words ❤️ I'm going to look into Citizens Advice, I hadn't thought of that!

@Babykingincoming It feels really unfair to be penalised for changing jobs doesn't it? I hope you get everything sorted ❤️

You need to prioritise going back to work, if at all possible. (With reference to your point about it not being affordable to go back to work). You need to see this as a shared cost.

This is your best bet for safeguarding your long term financial situation & your own security.

In the short-term, you need to work out your current finances, how much you can save before having the baby, and possibly restructuring the debt to allow for more cash flow.

It'll be ok. 💐

@SouthwestSisBecause we've been trying to pay off the debts as quickly as possible, we live pretty frugally anyway so can't really cut down on much more, but these are good tips thank you ❤️

By the time your baby is 9 months old, you'll be eligible for the new funded childcare hours that the government announced recently.

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 Thank you for this, I will ask him to look into it. With the Shared Parental Leave, does that mean he would take time off work as well and I would go back to work? I'm not sure really how it works. I think he would be very resistant to doing that because things tend to fall apart without him if he's gone for more than 2 days.

@EarringsandLipstick We have briefly looked into it..but will be in the same situation, so much money will go on childcare we will be very stretched for everything else. I don't understand how people do it. I have looked into any benefits we would he entitled to and the answer was a big fat zero.

@Nix32 I haven't even thought ahead to when the baby is 9 months as it will be a struggle within the first month. I'm also very worried about the new funded hours proposal, the nuseries themselves don't seem convinced?

Childminders are often a bit cheaper than nurseries, & don't forget the tax free childcare scheme will reduce costs by 20%.

Maybe try Stepchange or similar to reduce debt payments for a while.

Yes you can split the leave however you want, or in blocks etc so you can do two mo this of work, two months off, two months of work etc. There was no mat cover for me or my partner so splitting it like this worked out quite well

I was made redundant when pregnant so I can empathise with how scared you feel. But honestly, babies don't need a lot of stuff, despite all the things that are available.

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 out of curiosity what industry do you both work in? I’ve never heard of anything this generous and it’s deflated me a bit. I’ll get 5 weeks full pay and 12 weeks half pay, then SMP. My husband gets two weeks off on full pay. I thought this was standard, did not realise some people were getting months off paid, that’s crazy!

People in government jobs nurses etc he very good maternity leave

@Lhdale most public sector roles have decent enhanced occupational maternity packages (mine is 6 months full pay, 3 months SMP - but you have to be an employee for a year & return for at least a couple of months after mat leave to be eligible).

Public sector salaries are often lower than equivalent roles in private sector, but the pension, parental & sick leave policies are often better.

@AwkwardPaws27 I’m a teacher in the state sector!

Blimey, I would have thought you'd get a similar package! I'm sorry to hear that.

When I worked at a local college (admin team) we got the same as local.council employees; I think it was 2 years employment to be eligible, and something like 3 months full pay, 3 half & 3 SMP...