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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Was this a gender slip up???

25 replies

JLM1981 · 06/04/2023 08:51

Hi all. Just looking for some opinions. I had a growth scan at 36+ 5 this week. Sonographer was lovely and said since we wanted a surprise (unexpected baby no4) she wouldn't check that area and because baby is measuring on the big side it would be hard to tell anyway. She said I will tell you to look away if I think we will see. I didn't see anything in that area.

Towards the end of the scan she referred to 'her little fingers' then quickly said 'Or his. I haven't looked'.

I now feel quite deflated like she must have noticed the gender? Husband was the opposite and said it's probably just habit to say he/she. Thoughts?

Appreciate any opinions or experience 😁

OP posts:

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Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/04/2023 08:54

Honestly, i think you need to be a bit flexible with this, and all couple who don't want to find out the sex

The sonographers job is to check the health of the baby, not to try and make sure they don't give away the sex of the baby just because you as parents have decided you don't want to know

I would have thought its just a habit, but could be you are having a girl anf she accidentally said it, but you are still in the same position you were that you don't know 100% what the sex of your baby is

hulahoopqueen · 06/04/2023 08:55

I imagine it's habit to say one or the other, she might have daughters and be predisposed to saying "her", she might have had a scan showing a girl earlier in the day or the previous day and it stuck in her mind, or maybe you're having a girl!
At my first scan, the tech explained that it's not the done thing to speculate about baby's sex during the 12 week scan, and then proceeded to reference "his" heartbeat, measurements etc. We found out at 20 weeks that we're having a little girl.
Congratulations, and wishing you and your little surprise a safe delivery!

Newnamenewname109870 · 06/04/2023 08:56

I don’t think they actually see unless they’re looking. Often they just say he or she.

turnthebiglightoff · 06/04/2023 08:58

You'll know in a few weeks anyway.

SnookyPook · 06/04/2023 09:11

Not really any point dwelling on it 🤷🏼‍♀️ You don't know for sure anyway so it's still a surprise. If it's a girl now you'll think she slipped up regardless but I have heard that most sonographers have a 'go to' when they're talking about a foetus. You'll know pretty soon I guess 😁

PurpleSpottedLeopard · 06/04/2023 09:15

Hello my husband and I didn’t want to find out either and left an appointment at a similar number of weeks feeling deflated after several references to “she”. Our little BOY has just turned 3 months old! You might be having a girl and the sonographer has let it slip or you might be having a boy and they just used she by accident. You’ll find out for sure soon, good luck!

Cherryblossomtreesforever · 06/04/2023 09:20

Either way it will still be a surprise.
If Baby is a girl, it won't confirm that she let the gender slip, as obviously it's going to be 50/50 anyway.

SingingWaffleDoggy · 06/04/2023 09:23

We knew we were having a girl and one sonographer made a few references to “he” so I wouldn’t put too much thought into it

Lampzade · 06/04/2023 09:24

On the occasions when the sonographer ‘slipped up ‘ and referred to dd as a ‘she’.Dd was indeed a she.
DS was referred to as a ‘he’ and was a he

SapphireSunday · 06/04/2023 09:24

I had a scan around 36 weeks too, we knew the sex but I asked the sonographer if she was still a girl and she said baby was so big now it's much harder to tell. It's probably just them wanting to avoid saying 'it!'

SpaceJamtart · 06/04/2023 09:29

I had all girls and the sonographer and the nurses often called them him or his even after we knew they were girls.
Even when I was having a c-section one of them said something like "come on little man, lets get you out"
I figured they just say whatever, the tone was comforting so I didn't mind.

WappersReturns · 06/04/2023 09:32

They really have to look for it at 36 weeks so it’s unlikely she’s come across it accidentally.

I was told at one scan that she picked a pronoun for the day and used that for each scan to avoid calling the baby it. Seems likely that in your case she’s just used to using random pronouns rather than an accidental slip up.

Original poster

JLM1981 · 06/04/2023 10:14

Thanks to everyone for the replies and reassurance. I feel like I'm still getting a surprise now. I've always found out at 20 weeks with my other 3 children so I've done really well to not ask or even try and study the scans for nub theory this time 😁

OP posts:

Oopswediditagain2023 · 06/04/2023 10:52

We told sonographers we didn't want to know and our DD was referred to both as a "he" and as a "she" in scans so I wouldn't look too much into it 😂

AfterGlow87 · 06/04/2023 13:20

I’m a sonographer, I try my very best to stay neutral and just say “baby” but the very odd time I might say “he” by accident. The purpose of the scan is not to find out the gender but check on the wellbeing of your baby. I honestly find people too precious these days, the gender is the least of my concerns! Plus it’s very difficult to see the gender at 36 weeks so I would believe her when she said that she didn’t look.

DarlingG · 06/04/2023 15:56

I had my 20 week scan the other day and when they went to ask us if we wanted to know (we did), one sonographer looked at the other (we had two due to having a check for something) and said ‘did you see when you were looking already?’ and the other one said ‘no I can’t concentrate on anything else so I didn’t notice’. I don’t think they look until the part when they’re supposed to actually look so I would try just to assume it wasn’t on purpose and you don’t know what it is

Original poster

JLM1981 · 06/04/2023 17:30

Helpful thanks. I'm not upset or worried about it but when I mentioned it to family they seemed to think it must be a girl (Probably is. I have three already 🤣) I was wondering if I was overthinking it and maybe it happens often which it sounds like it does. As I said she was lovely I was happy with the scan and weight for this stage.

OP posts:

Original poster

JLM1981 · 06/04/2023 17:32

Thanks for your insight that's helpful.

OP posts:

custardbear · 06/04/2023 17:40

They're experts at this! Don't worry I doubt she even checked or saw and if she did they always chose a sex and refer to that ... the ones I've been to anyway!

lv884 · 06/04/2023 18:10

There are a lot of possibilities other than they genuinely slipped up so I think the surprise isn’t ruined:

They probably just use one pronoun or the other as default.

Maybe they use them interchangeably in a totally random way.

Or maybe they say the opposite sex if they happen to see if it’s a boy or girl.

I always reminded myself they do this many times a day and they don’t give it a second thought unlike us. So we tend to overthink everything they say/do. Eg I remember reading too much into “Look away while I check this area please” then thinking “Ooh, it must be a boy as she wouldn’t say this if it was a girl as it wouldn’t be obvious to us as we’re not sonographers but maybe a boy would be obvious to us.”

And even if it turns out to be a girl, there was a 51% chance anyway.

Good luck with your pregnancy and baby - not long to go now.

Daisydu · 06/04/2023 18:14

Probably just habit. I had to have scans right up till baby was born and they kept referring to the baby as he… and it was a she!

Original poster

JLM1981 · 06/04/2023 18:42

Thanks I have a c-section booked in soon so the wait is almost over 😄

OP posts:

Original poster

JLM1981 · 20/04/2023 12:15

Update. Was indeed a girl 🌸

OP posts:

lv884 · 20/04/2023 12:18

Huge congratulations. That’s lovely news. Good luck. Enjoy your lovely daughter! x

Trysbutfails · 20/04/2023 12:24

Congratulations OP!

FWIW a sonographer referred to mine as a “she” and we had a boy. I don’t think it’s deliberate, they’re concentrating on other things than pronouns.

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