Google couldn’t answer this for me…

[Aedatr]

I know that sometimes things don’t work out for us expecting mothers and our boyfriends/partners/husbands leave us during pregnancy. Mine has dumped me.

I gave him the news Tuesday. He was not happy and expressed he can’t be a dad. Next he was demanding an abortion. Then he’d apparently came around to the idea but then Saturday he got drunk and started being extremely unreasonable and broke up with me repeatedly, then again in the morning when he sobered up.

I searched Google trying to find the odds that he might change his mind and reconcile. I know men leave us when we’re pregnant sometimes but I wanted to know how common it is for men to have a change of heart and return to their pregnant partner. I found nothing on that…

I didn’t do anything wrong or to deserve this and in fact he was in the wrong. He was drunk, controlling and toxic. He screamed at me that we don’t work as a couple simply because he was being unreasonable and trying to control what I do and I said no. I couldn’t do what he was asking of me. He was being unfair.

I can’t help but fantasise that he will calm down and realise it is not me that’s the problem and his demands were unreasonable, his behaviour was unacceptable and the only reason we don’t “work” is because he is not behaving like someone capable of a healthy relationship.

He was drunk, controlling and toxic. He screamed at me

He started yelling and arguing, telling me I'm not normal

And you want this man to stick around and be the example of a healthy relationship you show your child!? He's done you a favour showing you who he is so early on

Thank you everyone.

what about when it comes to midwife appointment where they want to know about his medical history, family history etc. I won’t be able to answer those questions?

Do I contact him for this information or just explain I can’t provide it?

Yes well it’s not true that people can’t change. But the conditions for change have to be right. They have to get a clear sense of right and wrong and want to do what’s right. They have to want to change.

this is why in my very fragile moments immediately after situation I posted the video on social media and told “the world” what happened. He would not acknowledge his behaviour as abusive but of course everyone paying attention to the posts did. I still had some hope then that there’d be a chance people around him would encourage him to confront himself than enable it.

Theres a very, very slim chance of that. But all I asked in op is the chances of an ex returning when you’re pregnant. That’s all I really want to know. If he does, I will deal with the conditions I place on him if he’s serious about wanting to be in our lives.

I explained it on social media before leaving. He NEEDS therapy. He NEEDS to stop drinking. He NEEDS to stop being abusive. I will never accept him back in my life as a romantic partner overnight based on words/promises that he’ll change. I would take him back if over time he shows he’s not drinking and in therapy, recovering and accepting he cannot control and abuse me EVER.

so, nobody worry about that.

You both sound childish. Seriously. How did “guests” even know you’re pregnant if you’ve only just told your boyfriend? If he isn’t ready to be a dad, what contraception were you both using?
It’s all a huge mess tbh and there’s a bloody child coming into this. You need to grow up and stop posting videos on Facebook. Walk away from this man, he isn’t going to change.

I sincerely hope that if you decide to continue with the pregnancy he does NOT come back. He would make a terrible father and frankly if you are considering having him in your baby’s life you need to seriously consider your critical thinking skills.

I mean this man had you literally shaking.

You sound ignorant and, like my ex, like you have an empathy problem.

Clearly my ex told his neighbours. He suddenly miraculously remembered telling them and all of the details after he’d lied to me and left me in the position to be shocked by their congratulations.

Respectfully, gtfo out of my thread.

He makes my skin crawl and I don’t even know him…

I agree with those who said abusive men usually become even more so during pregnancy and when their children are born, contrary to people often believing fatherhood will be the making of them and imagining this rose-tinted view of them as a little family. It doesn’t happen in the vast majority of cases and, if it does, it’s usually temporary. Regardless of his feelings towards you, anyone who doesn’t protect the mother of their child during pregnancy (including by causing stress) should tell you enough about what kind of father they are/are going to be.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, OP. I feel for you and your baby. But you really don’t have to put up with his abuse for a moment longer and you shouldn’t. There are so many inspirational mothers out there who provide so much love and everything their little ones need.

I really agree with the PP who said do it for your child if not you as I don’t think you are quite ready to let go of this deadbeat just yet.