Help! Pregnancy mood swings ruining my family!

[ELL2478]

More of a desperate rant really and to see if anyone else has felt similar. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with dc3 and have found my mood has been abysmal throughout it all. I get so angry so easily and have no patience. I have referrer myself to IAPT but have a 3 week wait.

It's affecting my marriage as well. My husband said I am mouthy all the time. We had an argument today because I was snapping and grumpy. I just can't seem to help my emotions. He does not really talk about how I feel etc He just make a joke about it saying that I need sex or to just take my clothes off. He told me to go to bed beacause i look awful which i do. It came to a head when I said he never talks to me and he said he won't talk to me when I'm grumpy. He doesn't understand I am crying out for him to help me but I realise it's my fault because I don't communicate well enough. I said I will leave and they will all be better without me. I wouldn't hurt myself because I am pregnant but I just feel it would just be easier for me to be gone. He is a better parent than me all round anyway. Has anyone ever felt this bad and has it resolved after pregnancy?

@ELL2478

Just reading your message, I feel like what you're feeling is more extreme that just pregnancy mood swings - I suffered from prenatal depression, and it's incredibly important that you discuss this as a possibility with your midwife. He is not helping himself by saying mean comments and not sympathising at all. But it sounds like you have a hazy head - so it might be worth discussing with your midwife? Xx

I was exactly the same in my both my pregnancies. Horrid mood swings, generally very snappy and short tempered. I’m fairness I had raging HG with my first so essentially spent 8 months on the sofa with a bucket whilst every one else’s lives carried on (I was pretty bitter tbh) and suddenly all the friends/outlets I’d had were gone and all that was left was DH and he didn’t seem to give a crap, or at least that was my perception. His life carried on as normal.

I was less sick with number 2 (still quite sick) but there’s only 14 months between ours so DH was burnt out from work and busy with our eldest so I felt totally overlooked and honestly like a total burden. I felt on many occasions that DH didn’t like me, didn’t want me, had no interest in me…etc on reflection that wasn’t true he just had nothing left to give.

The best advice I can possibly give you is this: Pregnancy doesn’t create false feelings but it impairs your ability to deal with or preceded them as you usually would. It’s a bit like being a bit drunk. You rarely feel or say or do stuff you don’t mean but you’re much more out there and uninhibited than usual.

I still think a lot of what I felt during pregnancy was valid. I would not deal with or process it the same way now, I can see both sides much more clearly x

Thank you both for your posts.

He isn't being mean as such, I really do look awful. I will possibly mention it to the midwife but I know the only other option is anti-depressants and I don't want to go on them.

@Thehonestbadger the explanation about inhibitions makes sense. I too feel like I'm burnt out with a 2 and 4nyear old. I work 3 days a week and H works full time plus volunteers for 7 hours a week. I am struggling to cope with looking after my own kids and feel pathetic.

@ELL2478

So I have a real issue with deriving my self worth from what others perceptions of me are. I never noticed it until I had kids, I mean sure I was always a bit of a perfectionist and liked feedback/performance reviews in work places but that was just because I prided myself on a job well done, right?

No, when I had kids, was unwell, my eldest was diagnosed with CMPA as a baby then ASD as a toddler and suddenly my only real feedback was from hubby (who gave me non) or strangers who just told me how I could be doing everything better. My social circles were non existent and I was always always meeting myself coming back. I couldn’t do a ‘good’ job anymore, I couldn’t hold it all together and present the image I wanted and I felt like everyone around me thought I was failing. Basically I’d lost control of the situation and I was really critical of myself and hubby for that. All the things I used to derive pleasure from were gone, all I ever did was half a job or a rushed job.

@Thehonestbadger did your feelings towards your husband get better? I don't know if I'm unhappy with him or if it's the hormones tbh. Buy I have never felt this angry in my life.

@ELL2478

Yes they did.

I think how I felt in pregnancy was largely my own frustration at being ‘out of action. Feeling like I wasn’t good enough, like I was failing. I remember saying to DH once whilst heavily pregnant with DD ‘I feel like you’re watching me drown whilst standing there holding a life ring telling me you’ll save me if I REALLY need it but you believe in me that I can save myself. Belief in my ability to cope is not a damn life ring and I will just drown!’ That went for both physical and emotional help. At the time he gave me little of both (did work very long hours in fairness) he is much better how physically at least.

I won’t say our relationship is like it was. It’s not. Each extra child reveals another layer of cracks. I’ve come to accept that DH is a good provider, he is solid, loyal and dependable. He will do night wakes and change bums but he will never be naturally affectionate or emotionally available. I don’t think he’ll ever make me ‘feel better’ about stuff or soften things for me like I do him. He doesn’t function that way. I think there’s a sort of acceptance when you know you aren’t fully fulfilled by a relationship but at the same time you’re far better off being in it than out of it. He’s a good man, he is kind and respectful and I do love him but he will never make me feel like I’m walking in sunshine…if that makes sense x

That is how I feel about mine that he isn't really emotionally available. After our row he actually kissed me on the head and hugged me. Unfortunately for me he then started to grope me talk dirty etc. Cs I know he only shows affection like that when he wants sex. And that's not what I need right now. We do have a lot of issues which I have posted about before about a year ago. Sometimes I think this third baby is the final straw between us and I will have to leave but I know I cannot cope with 3 kids on my own. I am worried they are getting used to my mood swings and feel like this is what I'm like now. I suppose I just have to wait to see if talking therapy helps just some days it feels like I can't wait.

I can't help feeling like the bad guy and I'm starting to really hate myself and dislike my husband. I'm in bed now with my son who never leaves my side and sleeps on his own and I'm shaking from feeling angry and sad at the same time. I just don't want tommorow to come. I am scared of getting PND again if this is how I feel now.

Yes - please talk to the midwives about this they will help you!