34, just started TTC, period late and now panicking whether I’m ready

[AnxiousOne1]

I’ve always been very nervous of pregnancy and more recently also appreciative of the enormity of parenthood.

I suffer from anxiety and keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong during pregnancy/birth, the massive identity shift and loss of freedom, and even relatively silly things like social anxiety - telling people I am pregnant etc.

Everyone says to make sure you’re ready but what if you want children but never do feel ready? I’m 34, DH same age, and we are in a stable place in life, so if we’re not ready now then I don’t know if we ever will be.

This has come to the fore for me today as we’ve just started TTC (because I was worried about increasing risks and access to fertility treatment after 35) and now my period is 2 days ‘late’ but does vary a few days each month anyway. I have no other early pregnancy symptoms so don’t think I’m pregnant but could be.

Surely most people would be excited (as DH is!) and would take a test, but the idea of possibly being pregnant makes me feel sick. I have wondered whether this means I don’t really want children after all but I’m sure I do, I’m just anxious about it. I’m in the strange position of TTC but now hoping I’m not pregnant YET.

Has anyone else felt like this and can share any advice?

I tried for years for my first. Much wanted baby. Found out I was pregnant taking a compulsory test the night before invasive assessment re:infertility.
I felt physically ill. Completely panicked. My husband was delighted and i just felt terrified.
So I dont think you are alone. Not sure what advice to give though..

Hi , just wanted to say I think most ladies do feel terrified. I’m married with an 8 year old daughter. Tried for years. Got told we had secondary infertility no hope of conceiving naturally, gave up pretty much and now I have fallen pregnant and I am petrified. Like you I think of lifestyle change , the dynamic change within the family, but now I have know for a few weeks I am excited and so happy and grateful, I think if you do test and it is positive, you will be scared and think I’m not ready, but it’s a perfectly normal reaction to a big change in your life. Once you let the news settle in you will be fine ❤️ xxx

You’ve literally described me! God it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one. DH and I are both 34, have been together 13years, stable jobs, see kids in the future etc.
Anyway we had the TTC conversation, which we’ve had in the past, but took it a bit more seriously this time, thinking that we should crack on because it’ll take a while - instead we got pregnant basically that night 😱.
I took ages to take a test even after I’d missed my very regular period, and cried when I told DH because I was so scared and nervous about such a monumental change.
I’m 23 weeks pregnant now and have been so anxious/awkward telling people that I’ve literally just been telling people that need to know at work today - and I’m finding it exhausting and also feel strange that I’m
not excited but still scared.
I’m probably still in denial and don’t talk about baby things at all, haven’t bought anything and find conversation’s about it generally awkward and intrusive.
I really have no advice for you as I’m in the same boat, but just know that you’re not alone and even if this is something you’ve wanted I think it’s still normal to be scared as hell!
Not everyone has to enjoy every stage of pregnancy, and I’m hoping that once the baby is here and more real I’ll enjoy it more that right now which is full of unknowns and fear about birth etc.
Solidarity - I also have wishes that I had more time TTC to really appreciate where we’ve found ourselves as I also feel very ungrateful given how tough this journey is for so many other couples x

I really don’t think there’s any woman who does feel like that @AnxiousOne1 😊

I knew I wanted children but always expected to suddenly one day feel ready for it but that day never came lol. DH and I decided to start trying and we’re so excited...until my first period was late 😬 and then I was terrified! I waited a full week before i tested 😂 didn’t even tell DH I was late lol. Obviously I was aware that could happen but I expected us to be trying for months - but no, literally sex once 🙈 (I know how lucky I am for that to have been the case - I fully expect that to never happen if we decide to have any more).

Once I seen the positive test and told DH I started to feel a bit more relaxed about it 😊

It's perfectly normal to panic when what was a nice idea suddenly becomes a life changing reality. I also had an "oh my god what have I done?" moment when I found out I was pregnant, despite the fact that I had been TTC.

Becoming a parent has turned out to be the greatest, most life defining thing that has ever happened to me. My daughter is the absolute love of my life and, although I'm exhausted and skint, I have the deepest contentment that I never knew I could feel.

You're in for such an adventure. There is so much to look forward to.

Thanks for all the reassurance, this has really helped me to calm down!

After a few more days without any sign of a period, I finally did a pregnancy test last night and it was positive!!

We are both in shock and still trying to process things.

You’ll be fine! It’s a big life event, natural to feel nervous and apprehensive.

I had my children quite young and the first turned up without planning- so I never had to wait to feel ‘ready’ 😁all good.

might be helpful to think, most women in the world have babies. It’s a really normal thing to do, and in lots of cultures and societies it would not be given the thought and planning that we are lucky enough to allow in the west. It’s what we are built for, as mammals. Will be fine.

It’s fairly common to feel a bit stunned, it hasn’t happened to you before!! Try to keep calm and allow yourself to get used to the idea.
it’s entirely up to you of course, but maybe you and DP might want to wait a while before telling the world.