Unplanned pregnancy

[zombiefred]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for only 4 months and I’ve found out I’m pregnant, it was a huge shock but abortion didn’t even cross my mind I knew straight away I’m having this baby (all going well), it took me and my ex husband over 3 years to fall pregnant with my now 7 year old son and I’ve wanted another for a long time just hadn’t met the right guy. I only told this guy yesterday and he wants me to abort, at first he said it’s my decision and he’ll support me but today he’s been texting me saying things like there’s not really too much to think about, I just need to go take the abortion pill and I’m overthinking a situation that shouldn’t need so many thoughts going into it. I’m pretending I’m considering it cos I have a hard time saying no to people and I know it’s gona really mess up his life and he’s definitely not ready to have a kid but I’m already a single mum I know I’ll be fine even if I have to do this by myself I just don’t know how to tell him my decision or when to tell him or if I should actually at least try to consider if an abortion might be the right thing to do.

The choice is up to you but please take time to think about it. This man is being truthful with you, as you said, he’s not ready and I guess will not want much to do with the baby. He may eventually change his mind and want to be part of the child’s life but for now I guess he is unsure.

I know you say you’re a single mum already and are very capable of raising a child on your own. Think about the changes a new born would have on your life and your 7 year old. A baby is great but you’ll be busy with both children and potentially doing it on your own, do you have supportive family and friends?

If you want to have this baby then tell him honestly. He can’t force you into an abortion but he may say he needs time to think about if he wants to be in the baby’s life. Don’t feel worried about telling him, don’t feel pressured into lying to him or him getting angry.

Don't abort a baby you want to keep, it is you that will have to live with that decision. Having a baby won't mess up his life he will be fine.

Thank you both! I definitely need to make this decision for me and my son, if he ends up wanting to be involved great but I think by presuming I’ll be doing it alone I can imagine how it’s gona affect our day to day life, but he’s really pressuring me into making a decision quickly and by pretending to seriously consider an abortion it’s giving me time to be 100% sure I want to keep it I just feel bad he’ll think I’m ruining his life if I tell him I’m thinking of keeping it, but if he really wanted to he could just disappear. And he chose to use the pull out method he knew I wasn’t on contraception, I thought I’d be fine because of how long it took to get pregnant with my son but obviously I was wrong about that but I see this as a blessing and I feel I should be grateful because of how difficult it was to not fall pregnant when I was trying for so many years.

You wanted to get pregnant and neither of you used contraception so it can’t be a shock. Congratulations.

He can’t make you have an abortion so just tell him you’re keeping the baby and I expect you won’t see him again but you can claim maintenance when you’ve had the baby. Next time he considers having unprotected sex with a short term girlfriend maybe he’ll think twice. I’d get an STD test.

It’s exactly as you said op, if you want the baby then he can walk away if he likes. You’ve confidently raised your 7 year old on your own. Yes this it will be different this time as you will have two children but nothing to say you can’t do it independently. If he moans that you are ruining his life then remind him that you have not asked him for anything. He is an adult and should be fully aware of the consequences of unprotected sex.

Don’t let him force you into anything. Take the time to think about what you want and then tell him honestly. It’s up to him to decide what to do next but you don’t need to take any of his moaning. Do you have family and friends in real life to talk to?

Why did you even tell him, he's basically a stranger to you.

I’m wishing I hadn’t told him so soon but I didn’t expect him to be pushing me to abort like how he is saying “The decision should already be made, The regrets should not sway any decisions, and I don’t want you overthinking about certain things and putting so much emotion into it”. I think I just need to give him time to come to terms that I’m not certain about abortion and there’s a chance I might keep it before telling him I’m definitely keeping it then it’s up to him if he wants to stick around or not.

He chose to have unprotected sex with a fertile woman
that was his decision. He’s already made it and you aren’t ruining his life either way. He knew when he made that decision, how babies are made and the risk he was choosing to take.

I think you just need to completely take him out of your decision first of all. Can you do this and do you want to do this even if it’s without him? Then if that’s a yes, if he decides to stick around and wants some custody are you happy with that too?
if it’s yes to both of those, then that’s your decision isn’t it. His wishes or his life being ruined aren’t your problem.