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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Telling people early?

16 replies

BudgetBuster · 31/03/2023 14:35

Has anybody announced pregnancy early? I am going on a big family trip, heavily based on booze cruises and wine tasting at 9 weeks. It will be extremely apparent to all that I'm not drinking. I don't particularly want to tell anyone, but would also prefer to tell them than have to deal with all the questions at the time.

Any advice?

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 31/03/2023 14:38

Most polite people will twig, but not mention it until you’re ready to share.

But if it’s easier for you then do tell - waiting until 12 weeks isn’t a rule, and if something does go wrong it can be helpful to have support.

Irishgirl55 · 31/03/2023 14:48

I have had to announce early with both my pregnancies as I was going on holiday with either family or friends - I preferred it that way, the people closest to me knowing meant that I could relax and not worry about having to 'hide' how I was feeling especially if I was exhausted or suffering some sickness!

As PP said, there is no rule that you need to wait to 12 weeks. Congratulations :)

inthewest · 31/03/2023 14:50

We told people early and lost it at 12 weeks. It was nice having people who knew who could be there in an instant, and work was really supportive after our loss. Also, people knowing means people won't ask us the dumb "So when are you going to start a family?" nonsense that people tend to get in their first year.

That being said, we don't plan to tell a soul until possibly after our 20-week scan next time. That really upset my mum, but it's just what's best for us.

Original poster
BudgetBuster · 31/03/2023 15:59

We had planned to tell my parents only but there will be about 20 immediate family members on this trip and they will 100% ask. I don't want to share the news yet, I've had multiple losses and only my husband knows, I'm so so so private.

People guessand commenting is starting to stress me out.

OP posts:
Callmemummynotmaaa · 31/03/2023 16:00

I’m aware that my responses are framed by the fact that I’ve had losses after 12 weeks, but, honestly, what made them so tricky (beyond the obvious) was having to explain to people (when I was very unwell) that I “had been” pregnant. If it’s going to be obvious and you are happy sharing, especially if they are people that you would possibly turn to, if things weren’t to be ok. Why not include them in your news?

For me, I now share ‘traditionally early’ with those that matter, and if at all possible keep the news from others (eg work) until as late as possible (depending on my health/needs).

bottom line is that you need to suit you. There are or hard or fast rules. Best of luck x

crosstalk · 31/03/2023 16:16

Don't go? Or claim you are feeling sea sick? or get your husband to get you mocktails on the sly? Claim D&V before you go and say you've been told not to overdo it? You're on antibiotics and can't drink?

There's nothing you can do with an intrusive family - especially a big family party where everyone plans to get high and focusses on alcohol for their holidays. I'd either pull out entirely, or start placing the seeds about some need for antibiotics eg a persistent UTI now. So much harder for you with an extremely precious pregnancy. Get DH on side.

JumbledE · 31/03/2023 16:37

Could you book a private scan for the week before? You might make you feel more confident in sharing your news. It is completely your choice if you share or don't share :)

Original poster
BudgetBuster · 31/03/2023 16:55

I'm not sure where you are getting the idea that my family will be getting high @crosstalk

OP posts:
Original poster
BudgetBuster · 31/03/2023 17:00

I am very private and do not discuss my losses with anyone other than my husband. So there is nobody I would want to ever turn to if it did happen again, it would actually make me extremely uncomfortable having to have that discuss with anybody.

Not going isnt an option unfortunately as it is a family occasion and they one million percent would not buy into the antibiotic story.

OP posts:
Dinosaurpoopy · 31/03/2023 18:05

Maybe get another relative to tell them all that you are pregnant but it's too early and risky so please don't discuss it?

anna2101 · 31/03/2023 18:39

I don't know if this is helpful but on one of the other threads someone shared this datayze.com/miscarriage-chart. It's the reason I ended up telling family and friends at 8 weeks (that and the fact that it was getting difficult to hide my nausea and tiredness)

It basically shows the chances of miscarriage at any given point (don't know how reliable but seems to largely align with more high level data on websites like Tommy's and birth centre). The point there being - yes after 12 weeks the chances are low but the drop between 9 and 12 weeks is not that high (something like 1-2%). So statistically speaking it doesn't make that much of a difference whether you tell at 9 or 12 weeks. Obviously there is always a risk something will go wrong but this makes it feel more comfortable maybe. Maybe to get extra reassurance get a private scan right before you go?

TheSnowyOwl · 31/03/2023 18:43

Just tell them all but say you are keeping things quiet for now so won’t be discussing it further. There are no guarantees at any gestation stage that you will go home with a baby.

Foreversearch · 31/03/2023 19:09

Just say you are taking medication and can’t drink. If they ask what for, say you would rather not discuss it.

lv884 · 31/03/2023 19:11

I’d tell them before you go as it sounds like you inevitably will end up doing so during the holiday otherwise. But I’d make my reservations clear and the reason I am telling them early and say you’re not quite ready to be fully excited, if that’s the case, or discussing it with everyone just yet - if that’s your wish. Amend according to what your wish is. Congratulations! Try to enjoy this special time.

SBR1 · 01/04/2023 13:09

Didn't tell anyone until 25 odd weeks & no one was impolite enough to ask if they did have an inkling... I've no previous losses but i was cautious anyway & I think it's really private information for you to share when ready.

I feel first day and first few drinks will be when people will twig. Get a glass of fizz early doors, get DH to drink it on the sly then switch to something clear like a soda in a nice glass. Anyone asks it's G&T. Just keep topping up with soda. On that note there are loads on non alcoholic gins /cocktails which if you can get DH to order in a posh glass no one would know? If you get bought a drink just nip into the loo & ditch..

Honestly as long as you don't go with a fake story no one will notice especially when their drink starts to flow. For the next day you don't feel like it after yesterday...

TwigletFiend · 01/04/2023 15:06

OP, if you don't want to share yet, there are several antibiotics that can cause extremely strong adverse reactions with alcohol. Say you're taking a course of those and the doctor was very strict about not drinking. Those who care about you will forgive the fib later on.

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