Home birth and childcare

[Autumn231]

I’m due DC2 in four weeks time and although I’d initially thought I wanted another hospital birth, I keep coming back to the idea of wanting to try a home birth.

My main concern is what we would do for childcare for DS (3). We have my parents on stand by but they’re 1.5 hours away. We have someone else who could be here in 20 mins but ideally I would want him out of the house so it’s just then where they would take him, they won’t have a car seat etc.

He’s at nursery three days a week so it’s really if it happens on one of those other days or overnight.

If it happens overnight do you think it’s reasonable to try to transfer him from his bed to my mum/ dad’s car for them to take him back to theirs? As ideally I wouldn’t want to risk him waking up at 7am and having to hear / see me in labour.

If it happens during the day I don’t think it’s as bad as I’m sure someone could take him out to the park or a cafe or somewhere until my mum and dad can come to pick him up and take him back to theirs for a night or two.

Partner can’t take him out by himself as he is disabled. No issues with leaving him with partner if I have to go to hospital in an emergency before childcare can arrive.

Not sure whether I’m just overthinking it as ultimately it’s impossible to control what day/ time I’ll go into labour so to some extent whether we go to hospital or have a home birth I know I just need to play it by ear but either option is stressing me out.

He is very much a mummy’s boy and very clingy so now way he’d be happy to be apart from me in the house if he knows I’m there!

You're not overthinking it. You're clearly a planner, so plan! It would be useful to have a plan for if it happens during the day and another for early evening/overnight. Plus some back ups!

I also felt I wanted my toddler out of the house during delivery. My labour totally stopped when my planned nighttime childcare person couldn't come pick up my toddler due to sudden illness. We had to ring five other people and eventually at 3am we found a relative we never planned to help available to come. Unfortunately the stress of this meant by the time labour started up again I was exhausted so it really impacted my delivery.

1.5 hours away will be fine in theory. My labours are always quick once established so if that were me by the time your parents arrive, take your eldest (sleeping) in the car for an hour it'd all be over and no need to go to back to their house unless that's what you would like.

I was in this situation, my parents were 1 hour away. I had a slow labour from 9 am and spent the day wondering if it was real or not, and whether I should tell my mum to come get my eldest. In the end we got him to bed as normal at 7.
Waters broke but 9. He can be a light sleeper but didn't hear me. Baby born at 1am. 2 midwives there so worst case my husband would have had to stay with him. My eldest woke up at 2am when all the stitching and clearing up was done and his Dad brought him to meet baby brother. At the time I thought how close that was and how lucky we'd been but the time we all spent together that night was actually really special.

So there will be plenty of time for your parents to come and get him before it really gets going. I think it's OK to transfer to car once already in bed.

My 2 were asleep upstairs when number 3 was born at around 8pm. They stayed asleep until 1 of them woke early morning and came into to meet their new sister. Was great! Not sure we had plans about what to do with the kids if labour happened during the day- can't remember now at all. We lived abroad so had no family around.

My family is 3.5 hours away. For my home birth we hired a doula, not to support me but purely for the purpose of childcare. My waters broke in the morning when my older son was at school but labour did not start in the evening until he was in bed. The doula kept him occupied upstairs.

He did wake at 10pm when the midwives were leaving and the baby and I were going to bed and came and met his brother.

My son woke up at around 5 am, baby was delivered after lunch, so I had my mum there to watch him, take him out for a nap, and keep him entertained while my husband focused on me. He did look up from Paw Patrol on her iPad for a few seconds to look at his new sibling 😂

I've had 5 hb - other dc in the house each time.
Twice they were downstairs playing with a grandparent watching them.
Twice they didn't wake up (any of them - it was 3 am and 1 am)
Once one was having afternoon nap, one was watching tv and I was alone! (It was so quick and everyone arrived 10 mins later)

Longest labour (of home births) about 3 and a half hours, shortest about 45 mins! (The one I was alone for)

I m e your body will do what you need to do. If you are scared of waking them up, you won't be noisy etc.

It really is magical to see their faces when they see their new baby straight away.

Best of luck xx