Petrified about the thought of giving birth

[Benji1998]

My fiancé and I would like to try for a baby when we are married.

I want a baby more than anything but I am absolutely petrified about giving birth. I am not good with pain in general and I have a phobia of blood tests, I’ve had one blood test and it was absolutely fine but I got myself so worked up beforehand. The thought of a caesarean also makes me feel ill.

Has anyone tried hypnobirthing? Did it help? If I am lucky enough to get pregnant I just don’t want the fear of giving birth to ruin it for me.

Has anyone felt this way before? It’s also difficult as everyone is so different when it comes to giving birth.

Just looking for a bit of reassurance. I know the pain will be like nothing I have ever experienced before.

Being honest, birth wasn't too bad for me, either time. But don't tell my husband!

It was pre hypnobirthing but I had something similar with a midwife, focusing on breathing etc. I also used a tens machine and that's it. I didn't need anything else. No drugs or epidural.

Women give birth all the time, some more than once, so don't panic.

I did hypnobirthing, and I loved giving birth.

It does hurt and it's very intense, but it's not an unbearable pain like something being inflicted on you. It's your body and it's purposeful - a totally different feeling.

I just had gas&air and a pool for pain relief and that was plenty. I was at home too so I think that helped.

My best advice, don't start reading about birth on Mumsnet!

The hypnobirthing podcast is a great place to start.

@twoundertwowho my experience is almost identical to yours. I would also recommend the hypo birthing and the tens machine, I did this also but in a midwife lead ward of a hospital after getting to around 7cms at home. Overall it was a really positive experience x

Of course you are not unusual in that you are a bit anxious about giving birth most of us are. Re the pain, I can honestly say that I had no pain. My DH doesn't believe me (he was there!). It's uncomfortable and I was tired afterwards, but it's a positive feeling. Also, some kind of animal instinct takes over and you just don't care.
Get as much info as you can beforehand about the stages of birth and familiarise yourself with the hospital (if you plan for a hospital birth). They normally let you have a look round before your due date.

A huge part of hypnobirthing is reframing your perceptions about birth. When we grown up we see on TV and in films women giving birth on their backs, screaming and sweating. When you actually start looking at what real birth looks like, this image is very far from the truth. When you equip yourself with the knowledge about how birth works and with tools of how to manage the intensity and pain such as breathing techniques, tens machine, water, acupressure combs etc., it can be a hugely empowering experience.
The birth of my first child wasn't easy and it was painful but I consider it a positive memory. My second is due soon and I look forward to seeing how this one plays out.
You can absolutely do this and your experience doesn't have to be one of fear and pain. Maybe you can find a local group or birthworker (midwife, doula) before trying to conceive and ask them to answer a few of your questions and biggest concerns?

Everyone is different. I'm a petite woman and worried I would have problems..roll on 1st baby...born in 2 hours or so..seven and a half pounds. Gas and air
Second baby same exactly eight pounds.
Third baby same time seven pounds 5.
Painful? yes of course but short and sweet in my case.
You will have lots of support and will be fine.

Woohoo for all these lovely birth positive posters!

There is a lovely programme on BBC iPlayer called Yorkshire Midwives about a home birth team and it's the most realistic portrayal of birth I've seen on mainstream telly!

You can refuse all blood tests and screening if you like, and are so inclined. And have minimal intervention. Research is key. Hypnobirthing would be great for someone with your anxieties.

I love giving birth!! It's great

I had an epidural so no pain apart from contractions to start, sure no feeling at all but no pain was great

It was very surreal being told to push when I felt 'normal' as in not pregnant as I had no feeling

Hi OP I gave birth in January and remember the intense fear of giving birth really hitting me when I reached 30 weeks. I can honestly say I’ve never been so scared for something in my entire life. I did try hypnobirthing, it worked a little, but I didn’t actually use it when it came to the birth. Miraculously I somehow remained so calm throughout it despite some complications though I think this was down to the epidural and not feeling any physical pain. To be honest the recovery has been a lot harder than the birth itself; I’m 3 months down the line, still not ‘healed’ from my stitches and my pelvic floor is a mess but I remind myself everyday of the incredible thing my body did for me in growing a little baby!

I gave birth just before second lockdown and the thought of not having my husband with me scared me more than giving birth and then the thought of being in hospital, I hate them. But when she decided to make her entrance, she came out quick, 6 hours after the first twinge. pushed for 20 mins, born at 6am, back on the sofa at 3. No stitches or complications. More uncomfortable than painful.

Hi OP, I gave birth for the first time 14 years ago now but I was also very anxious about giving birth, the pain and just not knowing what to expect. I listened to a hypnobirthing CD regularly and it really helped with my feelings of anxiety beforehand although in reality I didn't use it during the birth itself. I had a very positive experience with both my births, the midwives were amazing and there is plenty of pain relief available should you need it. Like others have said, women give birth all the time and our bodies are made to do it, afterwards I really did feel empowered and strong. And for the end result, I would do it again tomorrow!

I'd also recommend hypnobirthing and a tens machine. I wouldn't say each contraction hurts. It's more that when contractions are one after the other or it's been a long time, it can feel quite intense/tiring...especially at 2am! But breathing through it really does help. I had two babies over 9lb with no pain relief and it was really fine and actually pretty empowering..

I had an epidural that didn't totally work and with that I had less pain than when I have my (not that painful) period so highly recommend. I ended up with an emergency section and didn't feel that at the time either, it's the recovery from it that's painful (because pain from an operation) but by then it can be managed by taking the drugs offered. Once home keep taking regular paracetamol and move slow and you'll be okay. The worst part of that was the pushy midwives in the hospital, self care is much better.

Most women are fearful about giving birth, it’s natural when you haven’t experienced something before. No one can really explain how it feels, as it’s different for everyone. Of course there is pain, but not constant pain, contractions are very intense, pushing stage is tiring, especially with a first baby.

I have had two children, totally and utterly worth it, when I held my new baby in my arms, it’s a feeling like no other.

I found birth much easier than I expected, tbh, I was expecting it to my awful, but it really wasn’t at all. I was fortunate to have two natural, spontaneous births.

How ever it goes, as long as baby arrives safely it doesn’t matter how baby is delivered, it’s a small window of time, and if you really want a baby it’s what you have to do. Good luck.

Giving birth is the BEST! And I love how positive so many of these stories are ❤️ I've never had any drugs or any intervention with any of my births (not even a paracetamol) and I put it down to hypnobirthing. I did the calm birth school method. Get the book off Amazon, join the Facebook group and I'd probably invest in a coach for your first birth who'll do a few sessions with you and your birthing partner. It's very much rooted in science and the science behind giving birth, plus most of the coaches are themselves parents so you can ask them questions about things for after the birth, ie breastfeeding/generally coping with a baby etc
It was also a really nice thing to do with my partner before the baby was here, doing all the breathing practice etc and talking about the birth and the baby.

To give a different perspective from other posters, I had an epidural but it was stopped before pushing, so I had to push with no pain relief and then a vacuum was used.

Unfortunately it was the worst unimaginable pain I experienced, I couldn't get the words out to ask for C section as I was howling in agony. Second degree tears.

If I was to have another kid I'd have a C section so I don't have to worry about going through the same torture again. Personally I'd advise you to ask for C section then you don't need to worry about pain.

The reality is if you're so scared now, the fear is likely to get worse as you approach the end of pregnancy. And you don't need such awful anxiety prior to giving birth.