MC at 12 weeks - how did you get back up again?

[Grateful321]

Hi all,
I hope you are all well.
I have had a whirlwind of a first trimester which unfortunately ended badly..
I had spotting right from the start… some weeks it was slow/close to nothing, other days brown/red/pink streaks and bleeding on wiping.

I have been seen at the EPU on several occasions.. first told it maybe ectopic or pregnancy of unknown location.. they then located the sac.. then it was found that I had two sacs.. one empty, one viable. I was of course pleased but also sad - I had symptoms of miscarrying and carrying at the same time.

Spotting continued and I was always looking for threads on spotting in pregnancy. I had 3 gushes of blood over the last few weeks with no cramps and baby was still hanging in there.. suspected SCH but not sure… and then unfortunately last night - early morning of my dating scan (how ironic!) - I had horrible cramps, huge clots and bleeding that was just pouring out of me.

I went to the dating scan, knowing what to expect (but with a tiny glimmer of hope) and it was confirmed that I have miscarried. Years of TTC and this was my first pregnancy. I am grateful I am able to fall pregnant and remain positive that I will fall pregnant again.. I tried to stay strong but couldn’t hold back once I got home and have now had a good few cries. It’s so strange… you think you’re coping well but no, it comes in waves.

Just wanted somewhere to add my story and if anyone is in the same position, I wish you all the best and pray you have a successful pregnancy next time.

Any advice on how to deal with the trauma or what helped others get ready to start trying again after a MC, would be greatly appreciated.

@Grateful321 firstly, I am so so sorry for your loss. I had a Mc at 12 weeks in June last year, my heart was absolutely broken and I had to have a D &C, I'll be honest I never got over it and I don't think I ever will, but I do promise you it gets easier, the only thing that helped me, was looking forward, and trying again. We started ttc again as soon as we were able, we were given no reason for our loss but I just did all I could to try and have a healthy pregnancy again, I started taking conceive plus ovulation support and fertility support vitamins, and did all the other usual things..... I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with our little rainbow boy, and weirdly our due date is the day I lost our baby last year. I am trying to tell myself that it's a sign it was meant to work out this way!

I really really wish you all the best and sending you love at this awful time.... ❤️

@Moosh18 Thank you so much for your lovely kind words.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and how beautiful that baby is due on that date ♥️ Definitely a sign that baby will always be with you.

Thank you for the tips - I hope to be where you are now one day xx

I'm so sorry to hear your news, it's so hard to be pregnant for a couple of months and then just not be.
Its also physically a really hard thing to go through.

The only thing that worked for me to heal from my miscarriage at 12 weeks was to cry and cry, to plant some bulbs for my lost little bean, to walk and swim, to get comfort from family and friends. It also took me some time to recover from the physical trauma of it all.

Unlike you I was lucky to get pregnant quickly so I imagine there's also a real grief that's come from TTC for a long time, but you're right that this pregnancy shows your body can do it.

A few months later I miscarried my second pregnancy at 9 weeks.
The second one really really got to me and I was depressed for a while. I felt like my body was broken.

Then we took some time off trying, I got some tests done which showed me I need blood thinners as I have a genetic mutation that was probably affecting the pregnancies and needed blood thinners.

I'm now 28 weeks with twins and this has been a relatively straight forward pregnancy. I believe I'm going to get to bring these babies home.

If you had told me a year ago where I'd be today I wouldn't have believed you but if you keep trying, it probably will work out for you at some point.

Good luck with your healing and grieving.

@Seaswimmings Thank you so much for your lovely post. I love the idea of planting bulbs ♥️

It breaks my heart to hear you also endured a second loss but so pleased to hear of your twin pregnancy! How beautiful. Wishing you all the happiness in return for all that you endured.

@Grateful321 I just wanted to add it took two years for our first pregnancy, but when we tried again we were so so lucky to fall pregnant after three months so please don't feel like you are back to square one, you never know what is round the corner.

Good luck to you xxxxx

Hi @Grateful321 ive been somewhere similar to where you're at - 20 months of trying/infertility treatment to conceive and they discovered a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan. The anger and frustration and heartbreak of that long trying for it to end, the longing and desperation and fear it might take that long again are absolutely awful.

I had about two weeks off work and a d&c and looking back I pushed myself to return to normal fast. It may have helped, I'll never know, but I encourage you to take it really slowly, be very kind to yourself and take each day and how you're feeling as it comes. I had days where my brain just was not in gear and I was beating myself up over it - your brain is dealing with shock and grief ♥ my mmc was in dec/Jan 21/22 and I got counselling through work that August when I realised I was still struggling, then moved on to private therapy. If these are options for you I recommend them. If not, free resources like the worst girl gang ever can be helpful.

Sending lots of love xxx

I'm sorry for your loss OP

We all grieve differently and there is no right or wrong. I'd TTC 4yrs- no cause for infertility found and when I finally did get pregnant, I found out that he had trisomy 13 and chose TFMR. I then had 2 MC's, plus 2 rounds of IVF. 13yrs TTC in total and no living children. I have come to terms with this and the fact I will never have my own children now.

When I was going through everything, I had to think of the positives. I know this sounds odd, but it was my coping mechanism. My positives would be different to others though.

• I was grateful that I lived in a country where I could get safe healthcare and had the choice for TFMR, rather than miscarrying at at point during the pregnancy or a few hours in palliative care watching him die after birth
• I had my health and no reason to think I wouldn't get pregnant
• I was glad that I hadn't been showing, and only DH knew of the pregnancy
• I have a loving husband, a good life and job

Some people get comfort from having some sort of closure. Writing a letter to your baby and reading it out whilst lighting a candle. Plant a tree. Buy a nice memory box to put things in- pregnancy test, scans etc.

Remember that you didn't cause this.

If you need to speak to someone, this site is helpful and they have a helpline during the day:
The Miscarriage Association: Pregnancy loss information and support

@Moosh18 Thank you so much, this definitely makes me more hopeful and I know it will happen for me - just need to get through this and remain positive xx

@Skw11 Thank you so much, I will definitely look into those resources and will reach out for support through work. My workplace are very supportive.

That’s exactly how I feel… I feel the anger seeping in today… will probably go through all stages of grief and I will just have to allow myself to feel it all.

I wish you all the best and I hope and pray you get what you wish for. All in good time xx

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s the worst pain. I had a MMC found at my 12 week scan in 2020 and it’s just awful. Time is definitely a healer - I now remember that little bean regularly (in fact, it was the anniversary a few days ago) but it doesn’t come with the same searing pain it once did. We were in lockdown when it happened so I couldn’t do much other than go for walks but I found that really cathartic - my DH and I found a tree that is now that baby’s tree and we go to visit it every anniversary and stop by it every time we walk past.
I was lucky to fall pregnant again quite quickly after the miscarriage (she’s now two!) but it was a really mentally difficult pregnancy - in retrospect, I probably wasn’t ready mentally and maybe should have waited a little longer (though obviously wouldn’t change a thing now!), so make sure to tune in to how you’re feeling, too.
Sending lots of love and I hope the rest of your journey is a smooth one xx

@CC4712 I’m so sorry and I want to say how kind and lovely it is for you to share your story. It puts things into perspective and you are so strong and brave, having gone through what you have. I wish you peace and I still hope and pray (I hope you don’t mind me saying) you get what your heart desires.

I love that you express your gratitude for the things you have - I am a huge believer of always being grateful (hence my name!) and it is inspiring to read from you.

Thank you for the ideas - I love the idea of keeping a memory box. I still have lots of notes from EPU and my booking in appointments etc (which btw I think is so terrible that they give you a booking in appointment before confirming baby is developing fine!). Even though they are sad to look at, I will keep them as memory.

Thank you for the website link too.

@SkyBlue20 Thank you so much for your post. That’s so lovely that you have a tree to remember the baby by. It really is sad not to think about what could have been but such is life and we must go on - the little things help and having something to remember them by is a lovely concept.
So pleased to hear you conceived again quickly and you have your bundle of joy, which of I am sure will be giving you both lots of moments of love and laughter.

I feel the same right now, as if I am not ready to start thinking about trying again so soon but if it did happen I would be overjoyed I am sure. Thank you for your lovely, kind words x