Stay sane between ultrasounds

[38andtrying]

How does everyone content themselves and stay sane between appointments in early pregnancy after loss?

I had a MMC back in December discovered at 8 week early scan, I am currently 7 weeks pregnant and I've already had 2 scans, yes 2 scans!!

I know i am being neurotic but I am so stressed, obviously I don't think it's wise to be having a weekly scan but I'm also so paranoid.

I'm worried that something will go wrong and I'll just be sitting here oblivious until next scan, I am planning on having another scan around 9 weeks

Any tips to stay sane and content?

I had similar experience - I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant and still get massive anxiety and we've had 10 scans to date (6 private, 4 NHS). My DP gets the anxiety too. I have no magic trick to stop worrying only that take every day as it comes and just try your best to relax. I done everything right with first pregnancy and lost that baby and this baby I done everything I shouldn't have when I didn't know i was pregnant (was in a jacuzzi for hours, ate rare steak, got my hair dyed etc) and this baby thankfully has been ok. I think the only thing we can do is try and rationalise that stress will make it worse and we want the best for our little ones and that requires us to try our best to just relax for their sakes. Just know what will be will be and we're all doing our absolute best x

I feel your pain, we've just had an early scan and I'm desperate for another one already. I don't know how I'll manage another 5 weeks until the 12 week scan. I am even considering buying a fetal doppler which I didn't even consider in a previous pregnancy, but am telling myself it's a bad idea, as if I don't pick up a heartbeat I'll be panicking.

Personally I think if you can afford extra scans and they bring you comfort then just have them. But if you want to stop having so many, ask the sonographers if they can video the scans for you, so you can watch the heartbeat back etc and tell yourself that baby is ok.

OP - I've not got much to add. I find it very difficult to trust my body is doing what it should. Fortunately, I'm in a position that I can pay for private scans (at a reptuable place). If you can/need to, I would just do this. I had 4 private scans this pregnancy before I was even 10 weeks. However, someting recently has made me relax a bit more about it all - that could just be that I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow.

I don't doubt that I will probably end up getting further scans before my 20 week scan.

Apologies, this probably isn't the answer you're looking for. If it's any consolation my midwife at my completion call, said they totally understand and it's a positive thing to show that you care so much - they worry much more about the mothers that don't care at all.

@dryingontheradiatior please, please don't get a doppler. It will only fuel your anxiety. Even trained medical professionals can struggle with dopplers.

please, please don't get a doppler. It will only fuel your anxiety. Even trained medical professionals can struggle with dopplers.

I don't think I will. I would have huge amounts of anxiety if I couldn't find a heartbeat, and I remember in my first pregnancy there were 2 occasions where the midwife couldn't find a HB with a doppler so I went for extra scans - that was at 16 weeks. Baby was happily swimming about completely unaware of how stressed mummy was!
It's probably better to put the money towards another scan.
DH has said he'd like one between 12 weeks and 20 weeks so we will go again at 16 weeks and find out what sex baby is, I'm going to try to resist another one before 12 weeks as realistically we don't have a huge amount spare to keep going for them.

I had a weekly scan for medical reasons, it doesn’t help as it’s clear that from the moment after the scan anything can happen. Unfortunately you just have to accept the uncertainty in whichever way you can.

Been here too/ nothing you can do to help. Doppler willl make you worry if you can't locate the heart, so avoid! It's hard but you have to forget about it and enjoy all those pregnancy feelings (I know ... impossible!)
I worry about everything still and they're 11 and 14 now 🤯😉😂

I know exactly how you feel! I put off my first scan until after 10 weeks which seemed weird but I just couldn’t bare to go before christmas! I get really bad anxiety between every scan, I’ve had 5 now and literally the day after the scan I’m back to feeling anxious! The only thing that helped me was to accept that I would be full of worry and not try and make myself feel better. I think no matter what you’ll do you’ll be panicky so just try and get through each day however you can xx

It does get easier! My first pregnancy was IVF. I couldn’t believe that I was actually pregnant or that it would continue. My clinic were fab and offered me weekly scans if I wanted. I did 5, 6 and 7 weeks and then made it fortnightly. Once I had got past my 12 week scan I relaxed a lot. I started feeling him move at 16 weeks and then the movement was reassurance enough for me.

I understand the reasons why many people think a home doppler is a bad idea, but it saved my sanity during the second trimester. I never ever relied on it for reassurance in the third trimester, though, went by movements only.

It's been 5 days since my scan which went well and I'm back to full flow anxiety, my nausea is gone and I'm really paranoid now something has went wrong, I had nausea for the last 3 days and now nothing, eating normally as well.

I'm going out of my mind with worry, I do Still feel tired, I'm considering getting another scan this weekend, that will be 3 scans and I'm not even 8 weeks, I know this is mad behaviour and I don't care if people judge lol

I'm absolutely terrified and its really consuming me at the moment

Get help for the anxiety. This isn’t sustainable - you know this.

I've had 8 pregnancies and 5 miscarriages including 3 MMC. Sadly I know how you feel BUT ultimately there's nothing you can do to stop a miscarriage. We had genetic testing on 2 of our miscarriages and they were both non-compatible with life. Miscarriage is absolutely horrific, but the body stops a pregnancy that is known to be non-viable.

All 3 of my DC are healthy and their pregnancies were anxiety laden but smooth sailing.

Absolute best of luck to you OP

@LeafHunter you're right I know, it is horrible, I feel like scans every week would help me but that's not normal, I mean it hasn't even been a week since my last one and I'm worried sick.

Maybe ring my GP? I feel like I'm just going to be told I'm being stupid

@38andtrying I was the same as it's an IVF pregnancy, and only when I started feeling him move have I managed to lay off the many private scans!

It's worth telling your midwife how you're feeling, they need to know really. Anxiety, no matter where it stems from, is important for them to help with and monitor. You may get extra scans or extra appointments where they will listen in to the heartbeat to reassure you. Far less costly than scans and tbh like you I found only a few days solace from a scan and the worry would kick in again.

Hope you feel more secure in your pregnancy soon as it progresses, and congratulations:)

I’d go private tbh. Waiting lists are huge for nhs support and it’s usually 8 weeks or some nonsense! Contact a few and see if they offer reduced fees if you can’t afford their advertised amount.

The two things that helped me the most were my midwife telling me that anxiety is a pregnancy symptom and a miscarriage probability calculator. I can’t find the one I used but there seem to be a few online now. At 7 weeks your chances are good!!

Save the money from scans towards counselling for anxiety. It will be better for you and baby in the long run.

No matter if you had scans every day it wouldn't change the outcome of a miscarriage (and I say that as someone who has had 4 miscarriages including one at 14 weeks). Anxiety is no good for you and the baby.

I'm wondering if i should call epu this morning and tell them about my symptoms lessening and nausea now gone, maybe they can offer some kind of reassurance.

I definitely look into speaking to someone, I feel like i want to know everything is OK first, that I am actually just over reacting and not just tuned in, I think if I knew now all was OK I could say for certain I'm catastrophising.

I did have scans every week (for medical reasons) and it won’t help. All you will know is that the baby was alive at the moment of the scan. The heart could stop as you are getting off the table.
I had a 5% chance of the baby surviving (he did) and didn’t worry as much as you are worrying at any point in the pregnancy, your level of anxiety is not something you have to live with and it’s ok to seek help for it.
The symptoms are meaningless. Many people who have a missed miscarriage continue to have symptoms, while many people who have no symptoms and many people who have bleeding deliver healthy babies.

@38andtrying havent read other responses so perhaps mine isn’t helpful and obviously not very cost effective . But honestly, my approach was just to give into it. Had scans 5,7,9,10,11,12,14,16 weeks (5,7,12 on the nhs) and despite the cost I don’t regret it as it really has helped with anxiety. If you can afford it then there is nothing wrong with doing it. I was lucky in that there was a cheap clinic next to my work

I rang EPU and they given me an appointment for Wednesday morning, they only open Mon/Wed/Fri in my area, she was lovely on the phone. I'm really going to try and content myself in-between times and really pray that my symptoms come back with a vengeance.

They had told me when I had the miscarriage that they would give me an early scan rather than me going private but I was hesitant to ring.

I got really anxious between our 12 week and 20 week scans, as we had been told we had low PAPP-A hormone which could result in developmental issues (it didn't, everything was fine at the 20 week scan).

I pretty much made myself sick with worry, until I decided that I might as well try and enjoy this pregnancy as being anxious would do nothing for the baby's health or mine.

Loss could happen at any time (and no doubt even after the baby is born we'll still be worrying!) but you may as well enjoy being pregnant and the relationship you're forming with the person inside you.

It does get easier as you get more conclusively pregnant and the feelings grow. And do tell your midwife how you're feeling; mine invited me for extra doppler visits which was reassuring.

Take care x

@BackOfTheMum5net thanks so much, if all goes ok on Wednesday I plan on telling them about my anxiety, I will defo need support on some level

@38andtrying don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious like you do you’re definitely not alone! I probably should of admitted to my midwife how anxious I was but I’m terrible at asking for any help!

@38andtrying here's the miscarriage reassurrer link:

I told myself there was nothing I could do to change the outcome and worrying about it will make it even worse. Also anything can happen after each weekly or daily scan. I just took each day and week as it came. It is so tough, hang in there ❤️

datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer