Managing expectations for post baby visit

[EL8888]

We are a few weeks from birth of first children and conscious some boundaries / expectation management type conversations need to had. In-laws are done, they get we will be busy and under pressure; short visits and no expectations at all of us. All good. We now need to speak to my mother to make clear we won’t be catering per se, providing transport, offering a “guest” experience. My mother has form for wanting all of this so it needs to be nipped it in the bud. For clarity she has no physical health issues and is not elderly. Just likes stuff to be done for her!

Any suggestion on how to politely but diplomatically make this clear?! It’s twins but husband and l both think expectations managing will be needed

Are these your mothers first grandchildren? If so, I would think she will be so excited she will act differently.

If you really think she'll be awkward, I'd just ring her up and say "mum, we can't wait for you to meet the babies, but I just wanted to let you know that, given we're having twins, we wanted to tell you we won't be doing a spread or be able to come and get you from the station. Hope you understand and can't wait to see you soon."

If she acts up when she comes, just say "mum, it's great to see you but it'd be fab if you could pop the kettle on" , or whatever.

I honestly think you could well be worrying over nothing though.

Tell her how much you are looking forward to her taking over the chores and cooking while you recover from the birth and deal with your babies! Ask her how long she will be staying, so you can plan for when you need to get someone else in to help you.

@Dacadactyl hmm there hasn’t been much change during the pregnancy. Still lots of expecting to be waited on and confusion when not e.g. we had a hospital appointment, it was clear she thought it was inconvenient (to be fair a fair few of my hospital appointments have been!). Then waited in a pointed way for lunch to be made on our return. Despite me having SPD and lots odema, she thought l would “be doing more”. Quite difficult when walking is a struggle!

A few months ago she expressed surprise that neither my husband or l would get up early to drive her somewhere, after we had both had a long day the previous day. She can drive and has a car but prefers to be driven 🙄. As there often is with these type of situations, there is a long back story e.g. she wanted me to take my brother to university when he moved there. As “she didn’t feel like it”. Also “didn’t feel like helping” with our last house move but then did want assistance with recent large scale house renovations she is having done

@Babdoc tempting! At least that way no can say we didn’t manage her expectations… However we phrase it l need to make clear my husband won’t be deputising on my behalf. In recent years if l am not available, then she often things he can step in. Reality is l will be recovering from birth and hopefully breast feeding both. Whilst husband will be busy supporting me. Fine for people to visit but not fine to expect much from us.