Need a little pep talk

[blueberry23]

26 weeks pregnant, and I've recently been signed off work for 3 weeks.

I feel like an absolute failure. My career is so important to me.

For context, I have a 1.5 year old DD, and I'm not really coping with pregnancy, doing a really senior role in part time hours, an exhausting toddler and have had back to back ailments eg kidney infections, tonsillitis, tummy bug.... it's just non stop

I reached breaking point and asked to be signed off. I'm dreading tomorrow as it's my first day 'off sick' and my anxiety is through the roof. My manager is going to have to cover my workload and I'm worried he's going to be judging me/finding fault with my team and the way I run things/cursing me for being off (I work in a very male dominated industry - construction - so they don't really understand pregnancy and what it entails and how rubbish it can make you feel).

Then I feel so guilty for the baby. I'm not eating properly with work stress and worry (and illness). Never hungry and when I do eat it's toast or a couple of biscuits. I feel terrible, like I'm not nourishing him!

As you can see I'm negative self talking - literally just think I am a shit mum, shit employee probably a shit wife cos I am so rundown and exhausted. Just failing on every level.

How do I turn this around, enjoy and thrive in my final trimester and stop feeling so bloody miserable?

I do genuinely love and enjoy being pregnant and being a mum... it's just all the other stuff I'm struggling with - particularly work and illnesses!

Anyone else in my boat? :-(

Give yourself a massive break! Even if not pregnant the list of ailments you’ve had would make anyone feel terrible!

you may work in a male dominated environment but they have wives and children!

do not even worry about tomorrow and your bosses reaction. If they know you are usually a hard worker they won’t think you a shirker. Use this 3 weeks to get loads of sleep, nourish yourself with high quality healthy food (even if you do t feel hungry) take some gentle exercise only if you feel well enough.

pregnancy is temporary, you’ll be back at full speed at work at a later date but for now relax and make sure you are ok x

Thanks @Temporaryname158. I know you're right. I'm not sure why I'm finding this so tough :-(

I think when you usually such a capable person it feels hard not to be in control and pregnancy throws a lot of that out the window!

don’t have self doubt, people at work respect you I’m sure so don’t even worry about that. This is a temporary arrangement so try and relax into it and rest, you sound like you really need it

I completely understand what you mean, especially the part about feeling like a shit mum, shit employee, shit wife etc. - I'm 39 weeks pregnant with DC2 and feeling exactly the same right now Totally burned out from juggling a tough pregnancy, work, being a mum to DC1, it's exhausting.

Different situation as my employer is family-friendly (CS) but I've been so unwell since early on in this pregnancy to the extent that it really did affect my productivity over a long period of time, so much so that I felt horrendously guilty when people were so nice to me when I went on mat leave a couple of weeks ago because I felt like I was just so useless I didn't deserve any of their kindness or the nice card or gift etc. In hindsight I should've taken action earlier and got signed off rather than carrying on when I really wasn't fit for work, and you're doing the right thing in recognising that you need to rest right now. Don't keep pushing if your body is telling you it's too much, no-one with any shred of empathy is going to judge you for needing to take some time off (and if they do it says a hell of a lot about them and nothing about you).

Re. your question about turning things round and enjoying the third trimester, I think rest and take it easy as much as possible and don't pressure yourself to be massively productive or get loads done before baby arrives.

Saying this because I did the opposite - went on mat leave just shy of 37 weeks and basically had an itinerary of all the things I wanted to sort before baby comes (few of them genuinely essential), and I have run myself into the ground. Been in hospital this week with severe sickness and dehydration, got discharged, felt so much better so decided to get some cleaning done because I was having a "good day", and now as a result of cleaning the bathroom while heavily pregnant I've done my back in, cannot move and DH has literally had to do everything for me today 🤦🏼‍♀️ when he asked me why I did it I honestly just said "because I can't do anything and I feel so useless" (then had a long bath and a big cry) 🥺 Pregnancy is not the time to push yourself!

This is so so true

Please try to be kinder to yourself. Pregnancy can be really draining and sometimes it’s hard to know your limits. It really snuck on me because normally I’m rushing around, always moving and doing things. I didn’t feel particularly rough or tired in my first trimester so thought I could continue at my usual pace. Wrong! I ended up wearing myself down, particularly when I foolishly agreed to help out at a work event one evening - 2 hours on my feet and I was basically a zombie afterwards. It was also frustrating and tricky because I was so used bouncing back effortlessly. Learning to understand my limits and slowing down was weirdly difficult.

You are poorly - I know it’s easier said than done but rest up and let your body and mind feel better. If anything work will probably realise how much you do to keep this show on the road! Try and get lots of sleep now, use your extra time to make yourself decent meals. Indulge in crap TV and movies and let yourself relax. This will all pass.