How does everyone feel about being around people who are unwell?

[UpstairsNeighbour]

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with twins after years of infertility, miscarriage and multiple rounds of IVF and so wondered if I'm perhaps a bit too cautious. I'm also currently living outside the UK (France) so don't know if it's a cultural thing here?

How does everyone feel about mixing with obviously unwell people? It feels a lot like there's quite a few bugs around and that those who are unwell expect me to be relaxed about seeing them. A few examples:

Just last week in the office a colleague came in with a bad cold and seemed confused that I decided to sit elsewhere and keep my distance.

A couple of weeks ago I was due to go for a nice day out with my friend and her 3 children, but her 5 year old had been ill and had a fever and cough. I decided not to go and my friend couldn't understand why.

My brother recently had a bad cough requiring ABs, and at the time we were meant to be meeting up for dinner with all our close family to celebrate an anniversary but I decided not to go. My family were then quite upset with me. We'd travelled to the UK to see them specifically, so they were very disappointed. I cried quite a bit over this one.

I get that illness is everywhere and we can't control whether we come into contact with people who are ill, but I feel that when you know someone is definitely ill then it makes sense to avoid it if you can? I usually stay home when I'm under the weather so there's that too...

These experiences have made me doubt myself - I always thought people accepted you don't (deliberately) bring illnesses around pregnant women? Just wondered how others feel about it?

@UpstairsNeighbour
Currently 38 weeks pregnant with IVF miracle!

Keep your distance- illness in pregnancy is no fun! I've had a cold and a sickness bug- you can't take anything aside from paracetamol and even then I felt guilty taking that- it takes longer to recover from anything too.

I'm cautious too and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm in the UK and friends through it was strange that I choose not to go out unnecessarily in the snow- yet I remember them not doing so whilst pregnant.
People forget, look after yourself and your little ones x

In my second pregnancy I caught every cold going; I remember crying on the phone to the midwife because I was so sick of it and having to struggle through without any medication. So based on that experience I would agree to distancing as it’s no fun and not fair

I don’t think you’re being unseasonable, don’t understand why people don’t seem to understand.
I have been TTC #1 for 3 years but have been taking letrozole for the last few cycles and I’ve been much more cautious recently with being around illness. I think I would be even more cautious in your situation and you have to do what’s right for you.

Hand foot and mouth has been going around in our area a lot recently and our friends kids have had it, we’ve cancelled quite recently over that and bad colds.

All the best with the rest of pregnancy xxx

I'm like this generally. If I know my friends kids are ill I won't take my daughter to mix with them. They pick up enough bugs in school. I wouldn't personally go to someone's house if I knew I was ill I don't think it's fair x

@PMAmostofthetime congratulations on your miracle! Really reassuring to hear from someone who gets me. I completely agree about people forgetting. The friend I mentioned was overly cautious with all 3 of her pregnancies, but seems to have forgotten that now. We weren't allowed to breathe near her when she was having her first! Would never say this though. She's a friend I've had since we were babies and wouldn't want to rock the boat!

@Aftjbtibg you poor thing, so sorry you went through that. It's so horrible being pregnant and unwell which is why I want to avoid avoid avoid. Also terrified of complications, although I do accept it's unlikely. Being away from my home country and all my family makes me even less inclined to take any risks as I have no help nearby.

@Luna0905 I really hope you get your BFP soon 🤎 it's gruelling. Sending you so much baby dust. I also don't understand how people don't understand, but wondered if it was just me being dramatic and difficult.

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2 I feel the same way, and have often questioned why some people still go out and mix when they are knowingly unwell! I would hate to make someone ill. So glad to hear that I'm not the only one, because it's starting to feel that way.

Thank you so much lovely 💕 not at all, after everything you’ve been through, you’ve got to to what’s right for you and your bubbas ❤️

My favourite is colleagues who come in with a heavy cold and say “don’t worry it’s not covid!”. The lady who sits next me stayed at home for one day when she was unwell so she could test as she didn’t want to expose me. As soon as she knew it wasn’t covid she came in and spread her cold germs around. When I had covid I only knew because my workplace did weekly testing, otherwise no symptoms. However I have had nasty colds which I really don’t want whilst pregnant so I really didn’t care whether it was covid or not, if she wanted to protect me she should have and easily could have wfh.

@swissrollisntswiss ugh I hate that! An illness is an illness, no matter what the label! Hope you're okay now x

I always stay away from sick people! Why come into the office if you have a cold, you will not be awarded a perfect attendance award. Stay the heck away from me!

Particulary in pregnancy I am careful. You can’t have lemsip and I try to avoid paracetamol where I can.

Anyway, you are not being unreasonable!

I work in a school so I’m constantly surrounded by coughs, sneezes and snotty noses. I try not to get too worried about it though and think of it as immunity building 😅 However, any children that show symptoms of measles, mumps, rubella, chickenpox, slapped cheek, German measles or hand foot and mouth need to go home straight away as these illnesses can be dangerous to an unborn baby. So these are the illnesses you have to be wary of.

I don't think YABU at all! It's just sensible, pregnancy can be hard and worrying enough. Obviously you can't avoid all illness, you might catch it anywhere but it seems sensible to avoid people you have a high risk of catching something from

I'm 11 weeks and was invited to something last night, but declined because another guest tested positive for covid on Wednesday but was still going because they felt a bit better

Before becoming pregnant, I genuinely didn't know that your immune system is suppressed during pregnancy making illness worse. I also didn't know that you can't take most cold and flu meds! So I probably would have assumed a pregnant woman was being a bit precious if they actively avoided illness any more than a non-pregnant person.

Now I'm pregnant and understand the above I avoid ill people like the plague - it took me three weeks to shift the last cold that my fiancé got rid of in a few days! I always explain why though, because I assume that others aren't aware (just as I wasn't!)

I'm usually the one saying, "no, let's rearrange" to late pregnant women or those with newborns if I have a bug. I always get a disappointed, "Well, if you're sure" type response.

I don't get it! One time, I was so dizzy with head cold I had to sit down on the floor in the kitchen - I couldn't have made the drive. Why would you want to risk that on top of everything else.