Challenges with MIL

[Babykingincoming]

Hi all!

Just looking for support really and any advise on dealing with a MIL who says hurtful things and won’t apologise.

Im almost 20 weeks with my first baby (MIL first grandchild) and yesterday for mothers day my partner got me a card and flowers from the bump. I felt so special, and loved the Mother’s Day wishes from friends and family.

MIL said it was pathetic my partner had done that, and that I was “nobodies mother”. Since being told she upset me, she’s not apologised and repeatedly justified her comments by saying the baby could die and the Mother’s Day card would make it worse for me.

Im so upset! I don’t want to speak to her anymore to be honest as the sadness and bad vibes aren’t what I need right now.

Anyone got similar challenges and how have you dealt with it?

Wow!! I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to her anymore, what did your partner say? You should have said well in that case we won't get you any cards or presents in future as you might die and then it would make it worse for your son!! Honestly what a stupid, ignorant thing to say 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh that’s horrible, I’m 20 weeks too and can really relate🤣 I have a mil, well the entire family I dislike and who say things like that so I know how you feel! I said to my partner I hope you’ve remembered Mother’s Day and his dad said why would he your not a mum you can wait till next year. Bareing in mind I should actually have a newborn if I hadn’t miscarried my first pregnancy! I just totally ignore them all, and I’m a right miserable cow when I’m with them because I don’t want to be there! This has been going on for years though so I think I’m just used to it now

Just laugh in her face and tell her saying those sort things will mean she is no one’s grandmother as she isn’t getting near your baby.

What a horrible spiteful person. Hope you enjoyed your day anyway.

Goodness! She sounds delightful! 😬 I think I'd give her a wide berth tbh and let DP deal with her. Sounds like she's a bit jealous that you are now his number 1 and taking attention away from her. Can't stand women like that.

Thank you for your support ❤️❤️

I’m so sorry for those of you also dealing with toxic family! It’s so sad when they are spiteful for no reason 😢

I’ll stay away for now! Feel really bad for my partner he’s an only child. It’s a shame for him that his mum won’t be involved with baby (at this rate anyway!)

Wow, how horrific! I'm so sorry you've experienced that. It sounds like your MIL has some major issues she needs to address. You were well within your rights to be made up with what your partner did for you. I think it's a lovely gesture showing the appreciation of growing your little one 💖
And on another note, I lost my first child at 33 weeks and absolutely am still a mother to him although he isn't physically with us anymore, so your MIL is very wrong there too!

Anxiety over mother in law's mental health

My partner believes his mother has undiagnosed mental health issues which has led him to impose boundaries with her around our soon to arrive baby. She isn't allowed to know where we live or which day care the child will go to. And because she can't have unsupervised visits when the new baby arrives she will have to visit us in the hospital (although I would rather no one came then), as otherwise it will be such a long time before we can arrange a supervised short visit on neutral ground.

My partner has been very open with the difficulties he had with her as a child. From being pulled out of 10 different schools, to being put on ever changing diets for non existent allergies and her abusive behaviour towards the parents of his friends. As we lived abroad for many years I have only met her a few times and haven't had a bad experience with her directly. But I have seen my partner deal with a number of difficult situations with her. Including her receiving multiple police warnings over assault and attacking a nurse in her mother's nursing home (the nurse decided not to press charges). Despite all this, she has managed to keep her record clean, so still works in early childhood care. So although I haven't first hand had too bad of an interaction with her, I do find her extremely judgemental and outspoken on how best to parent.

I appreciate the caution my partner is taking but my anxiety is still extremely high and I'm having panic thoughts of worse case scenarios. I worry she will automatically think I'm a bad parent and even try and report us ( she has a history of police claims against others which are always thrown out). Or that she might find out the day care or school in the future and try to take the baby. It doesn't help that she recently kidnapped her dementia suffering father from his nursing home, claiming he wasn't being cared for. The police had to be involved to get him back as she was unable to give him his required insulin and after another attempt and multiple incidents is banned from visiting either of her parents.

I'm told I just have to ignore everything she says and bear these short interactions - but I dread her coming to the hospital when the baby is born and find the idea of letting her in at all to our lives (although in highly controlled way) very stressful. It's on the centre of my mind when I really wish it wasn't during my final weeks of pregnancy.

Thank you for your kind words ❤️ you’ve been through so much and it’s sad there are toxic people who say these unkind things.

I really feel for you and your partner and it’s so sad you have this stress while you should be able to focus on growing your baby 😢😢 I hope for you that she maintains a distance and also think you sound like a very strong person to be coping with this ❤️

In your MIL, she means well. In reality, your MIL crossed the line. Your Hubby needs to gently talk with her privately. Yes, your MIL needs to apologize.

Have you spoken to her doctor to have her admitted for a 72 hour hold to evaluate her mental health?