Anyone had a parent attend birth?

[Calmondeck]

My mum has supported many women over the years at their births (she is a pre/post-natal physio, many of her clients have requested her presence). She has supported my SIL for one of her three births (somewhat by chance, my SIL didn’t specifically request her presence) and it was a real life highlight for my mum. Of all of the births she has ever attended, seeing her 2nd grandchild enter the world is the top.

I know my mum would love to come to the birth of my 2nd and final baby (due to Covid rules, she couldn’t come to my first birth). Because we live in different countries, she outright said on the phone today “I am ready to book flights, I would love to be there”.

She is skilled at what she does, and we’ve always had a close relationship… A big part of me wants to say yes because it would really be a dream come true for her (odd, I know).

But … my DH doesn’t want her there. He feels like she would sideline him, and he doesn’t want to feel like a spare part at his child’s birth.

For my first birth - my DH was really wonderful and involved, and when my baby FINALLY arrived, it felt like a true team effort. I want my DH to feel like that again. There was a complication during the labour though, and I felt like I needed my mum’s advice, so I called her and spoke to her through the contractions 🤣

I realise this is my choice, but interested to hear anyone’s experiences with additional family members for the delivery…

Have you spoken to your OH about your feelings and thoughts? Obviously it's important for him to feel involved in his child's birth if that's what he wants but he needs to take into consideration your feelings. That being said as much as it would be amazing for your mum to attend it is such a special moment for you and your OH and if it is your last it's even more so.

My mum was there through the run up to my first childs birth but i got rushed into theatre so my OH (at the time) came in. She was there at the birth of my second child and saw it all, my third was an emergency c section in a different part of the country. I had my mum at my births because I was only young 19 and 21 and felt like I needed her there.

I'm expecting my 4th baby in Novemeber with a different partner to my first 3 and I plan on it just being me and him. I want it to be a completely different experience, my mum has witnessed 2 births and although I'm sure she would love to see another it's not something I want this time round.

As awful as it sounds it's not your mums baby and birth, it's yours and your OHs so try not to think about how it would make your mum feel. She can see baby as soon as you like after birth but you and your OH will never get the experience again.

Sorry for the long essay 😅 I probably haven't helped...ultimately it's down to you and your OH 😊

You've talked quite a lot about how much your Mum would love it... What about you? 😊 She sounds like an incredible woman and I get that there's a part of you that would love to give this experience to her (and share it with her) but I do also think it's really important that your partner feels heard in whatever decision you reach. For instance, if you decide that you would love your Mum there too, it would be worth the three of you agreeing in advance what roles people will play etc. Is your Mum more likely to want to be at the 'business' end while your partner talks you through breathing etc and passes you water and so on... That kind of thing.

I love my Mum to bits but was quite relieved when it was lockdown and it took any question of her being there out of the equation. Though she had said she absolutely wouldn't intrude on it unless we specifically wanted her there. It was important to me and my husband to start our little family unit as the three of us and I think it really added some closeness that he was the one getting me through it. He was a fantastic birth partner and I'm not sure it would have played out the same way with my mother in the room (well I know it wouldn't have!). That said, it's such a personal thing isn't it, so what was a right decision for me, might not be for you!

From your post I think the key thing is to visualise the birth that You want. If you want your Mum there for whatever reason then you need to communicate that to your partner but also make sure he knows how valued he is etc and that he will be important on the day too.