AIBU Partner not coming to 12 week scan

[bonkersconkers101]

Hi everyone,

Can't get a sense of whether I'm being unreasonable or not (or hormonal!).

It's my 12 week scan today for second baby and my partner isn't coming with me.

Two weeks ago I asked him to take the day off (or even a couple of hours off) to come with me but he said he couldn't afford the time off work. Fair enough. He's self employed so won't get paid if he doesn't go in.

But the next day he told me he'd booked three days off to go on holiday with his mate in two weeks' time.

I may be blowing this out of proportion but I'm hurt he's chosen to sacrifice pay for the holiday but not to support me at an important scan or show any real interest in his baby-to-be. Not to mention leaving me to solo parent our seven month old without even asking if that would be a problem.

AIBU?

I'd be furious.

I’d be fuming. This is really selfish tbh

I can't believe you're even asking the question to be honest!! He can't take a couple of hours off work to go to the scan of his unborn child because he will lose money but can lose money taking 3 days off not to mention the money he's spending to go away!! I'd be seriously contemplating wether I wanted to bring a baby up with this man!

I would be cracking up and wouldn't accept it to be honest, its his baby too and he needs to be get is priorities right, does he not realise you need him there for moral support, you could be told absolutely anything at that scan, good or bad.

I would be fuming. Both about him not coming to the scan but losing pay to go on a lads holiday and also booking the holiday, especially such short notice without even discussing with you!

Thanks everyone, I'm relieved it's not just me.

I am angry, but mostly I just feel deeply sad ... Like my anger is justified but ultimately all his actions mean is that he doesn't consider me or our unborn child a priority. No amount of anger or asking him to behave differently changes that because it's not something he wants to do himself, if that makes sense?

Thanks for listening. Scan went well though and I have a healthy little baba kicking away in there

You shouldn't have even have to ask him to be at his unborn baby's scan he should have wanted to be there. Your feelings are completely justified, sorry if my comment came across harsh but I felt angry and upset for you. Glad the scan went well 🥰 you look after yourself and your little ones x

@bonkersconkers101 so good to hear the scan went well, maybe you should focus on your new baby and current child's health and wellbeing and put whatever differences you have with your DP aside for the time being. Good luck

Really glad to hear your scan went well. Have you managed to speak to your DP about how you're feeling?

I found out in my first pregnancy that my DH had a very different experience of pregnancy to me (is this your husband's first child?). As I was the one going through it, understanding the exhaustion, the physical side of things, worrying about the baby, that was what was at the forefront of every single decision I made. Because DH wasn't living that experience, he didn't realise how tough it could be and how much I needed him there. I remember him telling MIL that I was milking being tired in the first trimester! MIL gave him a right ear full for that.

I am in the first trimester of my current pregnancy and he is very different because we have been through it all before and he has a better understanding of it all, plus it's taken us a long time to get to this second pregnancy. He is running around after pretty much everything I ask for, not moaning about doing all of the dog walks (with pregnancy number one he got really shitty about having to do them all and was blaming the dog), just getting on with it. He does still admit he has a very different experience of this whole thing and apologies if he says or does the wrong thing sometimes.