Undecided on whether to keep my planned ish baby

[Hanzt11]

So, long story short, I'm pregnant.
We were tracking ovulation to either avoid pregnancy or have a baby when we were ready.
I didn't think it through, and now I'm 5 weeks pregnant.
We live in a two bedroom, small flat which we rent, but can afford and don't struggle.

I'm 28, and my partner is 44. He has an ex-wife and a 13 year old. Who lives with his mother.

I'm not sure I can do this. As a parent, particularly a mother, it seems like you lose all your freedoms, passions, and any dreams you may have had before having a baby.
We have been in this flat for four months, and I struggled.
Moving from my childhood home, not having to think about anything, and barely having responsibilities to moving in with someone was difficult.
I have just begun to adjust, and now I'm pregnant, and it's my fault.

I think depression is playing its part in my emotions too, as I don't think I've admitted to myself how bad my mental health has been.

Part of me, a big part, doesn't want to give up my freedoms, and lazy moments and PS5 days to a child.
It sounds like first world problems, but I really am undecided.
My partner is exctatic! He's so happy he's willing to change jobs so I can have more of his help, willing to change for this baby. He would be amazing.

It sounds awful that I'm not willing to let go or put on hold, my hobbies and free time for a child I, in theory, didn't prevent.

I have a great support system, my parents live 2 minutes away, and my dad will be a wonderful grandad.
My sister, though dubious and has the same concerns as me, will be supportive.
I have everything I need to make it work, but I haven't decided what to do.

Afterthoughts... I have a private scan at 7 weeks which is April first. An abortion consultation on the 16th of this month.
I thought I would do both and decide then. I really am mixed up. 😕

Any experiences, good and bad, are welcome. Just please don't be rude, I'm having a bad time as is.

Hugs. I had an abortion in a similar situation and did regret it, however I would never say don't do it. Maybe try the pregnancy choices page? And take your time, you will make the right choice xx

Nobody can tell you what to do I’m afraid… why don’t you reach out to your GP to be referred to a mental health specialist? If you are depressed, you won’t be able to see your pregnancy with a clear head. I’m sure you’ll know what’s right to do when you’re in a better place psychologically ♥️

I don’t know why you think women with children don’t have their own passions and dreams… I still have an amazing career, love my friends and husband and do plenty of hobbies. I don’t have loads of free time, but I’m happier than I’ve ever been!

Only you know what the right choice is for you. You don’t need justification other than that you do not want a child. However I would disagree with

‘seems like you lose all your freedoms, passions, and any dreams you may have had before having a baby’

If you have a supportive partner and family nearby you will absolutely still get free time. I say this as someone with a 4 month old who regularly has time for self care, catch ups with friends etc. I am returning to my successful career in a few months. I am still a passionate writer in my free time and have been able to keep up with this after a short break. So yes your life will change but please don’t think all joy will be sucked from it. And on the ps5 note, my dh plays all the time with the baby in his arms!

regardless, as I said it’s 100% down to you. Keep talking things through with family etc. i also read once a helpful exercise is to flip a coin - heads you keep the baby, tails you don’t. Flip the coin and this will show you how you truly feel. Relief? Disappointment? May be a helpful exercise to unbox your feelings.