Scared, Obese and Pregnant- So so worried

[Worrier93]

Hi all, I am super worried as I am obese and pregnant. I am 10 weeks pregnant today and my BMI is around 36. First pregnancy.

I only just heard from the midwife today... after my GP failed to submit my referral to them even though I notified them of my pregnancy back in January at just 3 weeks. I got a letter through the post saying I should have been taking a higher dose of Folic Acid prescribed by GP and I haven't been - and it could be until Monday until I have that sorted. I have been taking the normal amount of folic acid - but I haven't been taking vitamin D so I'm worried about that!

I feel so guilty for being overweight and really can't stop thinking about it, but I feel hungry all the time in this pregnancy and feel that I have to keep eating to keep sickness at bay and I'm worried that I'm just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. The feelings of guilt and loneliness are totally overwhelming.

I would love to hear anyone's experiences of higher BMI's and pregnancy. I'm just so scared that all the doctors and nurses will judge and berate me for this. I'm worried about my health and the health of the baby. Any support welcome!

Hi OP. Congrats on your pregnancy!

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I have a high BMI too and I know it depends on your trust/team but I haven’t faced judgement personally, my midwives/doctors have been upfront and said ‘your BMI might impact X’ or ‘we need to do this because there’s added risks with your BMI’ but it’s factual rather than judgemental. They just want your pregnancy and labour to be as safe as it can be for you and your baby. You will not be the only heavier mum they’ve ever cared for (and they would’ve met heavier mums too) and at the end of the day the baby needs to come out! The fact is there are risks associated with higher BMI but many overweight women have smooth pregnancies and give birth to healthy babies so you aren’t alone.

Berating someone for their weight doesn’t serve any purpose in a care setting, and if someone feels shamed or judged it might impact how comfortable they are seeking care or sharing concerns, and your team should want you to feel comfortable and able to talk to them.

It might help to share your concerns with your midwife so they understand your anxiety and what’s worrying you.

Try to be kind to yourself. Don’t restrict what you eat as such but try and make good choices and eat as well as you can for baby (and yourself).

It might be that this is a turning point in your life and you want to take steps after the baby is here to address your weight, but for now be kinder to yourself and follow the advice of your team.

If you Google plus size pregnancy there are lots of resources/blogs from heavier women who have been through it, it might help you to read more about their experiences and advice.

hopefully you’ll feel better once you start your appointments and talking this through with your team.

Sorry to hear youre worrying about your weight - its ok to eat, so long as what you're ingesting is healthy and good for both you and the baby. Nothing you can do about the past, but the future starts now. Get yourself lots of dark leafy vegetables and lots of salmon, eggs, sweet potatoes to top up the folic acid and omega3s. Go out in the sun whenever you can without sunscreen to absorb as much vitd as possible. And get yourself the vitamins you need.
Many overweight women go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. I've read that going on a diet is not recommended when pregnant so just do the best you can for now. Sending you lots of hugs

Thank you for your support ... I'm hoping I'll feel a little better after my first appointment. The stress is keeping me up at night!

As you are not talking to the doctor until Monday just take some extra of your usual folic acid tablets from today. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Hi @Worrier93 I think my BMI was around 38 when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2017.

Like a previous poster, I faced no issues from the healthcare professionals re my weight. The just done my weight at booking appt (around 8-10 weeks) and explained anything that might be impacted. I had extra growth scans at 28/32/36 weeks (due to the higher BMI) and a test for Gestational diabetes which is routine for anyone with a BMI over 30 anyway.

Aside from this nothing else was mentioned! I didn't have Gestational diabetes when I had the test and my daughter was born on her due date, and I was able to use the birth Centre and didn't need to have labour ward. Worth discussing and having put on your notes.

Please don't worry :) and enjoy your pregnancy! Eat all the yummy foods, chuck in some veg and healthier stuff too so it's balanced and you'll be absolutely fine.

With the folic acid, if it makes you feel any better I was given the 5mg but I had such terrible sickness I'm sure it all came up anyway.

Wishing you all the very best. Xx

I think my BMI was measured at 37 at my booking appointment.

I've just had my 16wk appointment and I've been told that everything is perfect and Baby's heartbeat was healthy and strong.

The only difference between my pregnancy and that of others I know who are also currently pregnant but not overweight is that I've been offered additional appointments and tests. (An obstetrics clinic appointment re the risks of a high BMI, and a glucose test to monitor for gestational diabetes). I've also been prescribed aspirin to prevent high blood pressure and vitamin D.

As above, the midwives and other professionals have been upfront and honest but not judgemental, unkind, or otherwise shaming.

Great advice from all the other comments.

I’d only add that now is the time to take care of your mental health as well as physical health. Try to shift the focus from what you look like to what your body is doing. Because it’s pretty amazing! I’m not saying it’s easy to feel attractive in pregnancy, but it’s important to think positively about yourself so you can role model good self confidence when baby arrives. My mum is the best, but she had a terrible relationship with food and self esteem and it really shaped my eating habits growing up.

Once I had a baby, that was it. No more diets or negative self talk. P ut your guilt in the bin!

@Worrier93 i completely understand your worries. I was planning a bit of a health kick before getting pregnant to lower my BMI under the 35 threshold but got pregnant but more quickly than I thought so I started the process with a BMI of almost 36.

I threw up pretty much any vitamin I took for the first 18 weeks and I’m currently 27 weeks and all is looking good so far.

my midwife wasn’t really anything about my weight, it was just a tick box in the same way being older or having another health condition was.

I’ve got a glucose test next week and then additional scans at 28 and 32 weeks which actually I’m pretty happy about - another chance to see baby!

I’ve not had any issues with scan images or anything (which I read some people with raised bmi do) and although my bump isn’t quite as neat as slimmer people I still look pregnant.

easier said than done but try not to worry too much. And congratulations on your pregnancy - your body is going through a lot so don’t be too hard on yourself.