Just found out I'm pregnant, and have mixed emotions - is this normal?

[ggmmoa]

Hello,

I've just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I've been with my partner for almost a year and he was so happy when I told him, and I was too.

But then it kicked in that we have little to no money, we live with our parents and can barely afford to pay for ourselves due to cost of living. We never go out anywhere or make plans because of this, and I'm worried bringing a child into the world would be unfair.

He seems to be happy still, and he said its 100% my choice, but then I feel guilty for not going through with the pregnancy as I worry I may not get pregnant again for a long time, ideally I want kids before I'm 30 (i'm 27 this year), so maybe I should just go through with it? It just means I must make sacrifices as most parents do anyway. I just don't know if I am cut out for this and maybe being a parent isn't for me.

My mum said she knew what she wanted to do the moment she fell pregnant with me and my brother, and even when she went through an abortion.

Did anyone else feel the same when they were pregnant? I have no idea what I should do. I don't know if the fact I'm feeling this way means I shouldn't be having kids, ever.

Thank you

I think mixed emotions is totally normal, I've had them both times for planned pregnancies. However your situation really does sound less than ideal and I think you need to consider how you will afford a child/where you will live as well as are you happy to be pregnant. Hugs xx

Just to add I've had a termination previously as we weren't in the situation to have children then, and although it makes me a bit sad I know I couldn't have provided them with the life my sons now have

I would pull apart the financial issue from whether you're cut out for parenthood. Nobody knows what kind of parent they'll be, the fact you're worried about it means you care and will probably be a good mother! Babies aren't complicated, they need lots of love and energy, so if you can give this then that's a great start.

The financial thing is more complicated. I bought almost everything second-hand (Vinted, FB marketplace) and luckily had loads of hand me downs. But I personally couldn't have lived with my parents with a newborn, it's a difficult time as a couple and you need space...I guess there are advantages in terms of childcare and extra support.

It also depends what kind of child you have, my children are really energetic and sociable and need lots of stimulus. I can't just sit at home with them, we have to go out to farms, cafes, go out in the car, and all of that costs money. Plus I loved my mid 20s and all the fun I had with my girlfriends, it doesn't go away but it's a lot harder to make it work once children are there. I spend all my Saturdays at the bloody farm now!

I'm afraid we can't tell you what to do, but it's definitely OK to ask these questions and not know. You're still very early in pregnancy so can wait a few more weeks to decide xx

Mixed emotions are definitely normal! Even though me and my partner were trying I found it a huge shock and made me wobble about almost every aspect of my life being turned upside down. I’ve been with DH 13 years, and we’ve lived together for almost a decade, both have stable jobs and decent income and it’s still life changing news to come to terms with.

I would agree with PP that if you’re currently unable to support yourselves independently of living with family I would also be having extra doubts. Do you and your partner live together or separately? How will you manage raising a child but living apart? Also this will have huge impact on your parents and their finances, so even though you want a child before 30, this doesn’t just impact you. Why are you concerned you won’t be able to get pregnant again? You have lots to think about and I think you and your partner ready need to discuss a plan for the long term.

mixed emotions is super normal of course - we tried for 10 months but still when it came I felt the pang of reality check sinking in.
My sisters both had this idea that they had to have children before 30. I will never understand why. Their situation was also far from ideal and I don't think kids made their lives any happier, bar that first couple of years. Life was difficult raising children in loveless marriages (not your case, I know) but they struggled financially too.
I am 39, and even though I would have liked a baby slightly sooner, it's only at this stage in my life that I felt like I could give a child a good upbringing while retaining my sanity/happiness.
Good luck in whatever choice you make

Mixed feelings are completely normal, I'm 8 weeks pregnant, been with partner for 16 years and we live together.. I still get nervous when I think of the changes a baby will bring.

Is there a possibility you could speak to your local council and have your name put on the list for a council house? In our area you are placed high up on the list if pregnant. There is financial support for low income families too which you could look at in the short term. You could try phoning citizens advice and seeing what support is out there.

Once you're more clued up on your options, re-look at the situation 🙂 is your family supportive?

Thank you everyone for your advice!

I live alone with my mum, who is very supportive as she had me when she was 17, and she's so excited of the idea of having a baby around the house. Money-wise I'm the bread winner out of me and my partner, I'm just concerned about the maternity leave money but I guess this is the worry of all parents!

I'll deffo take everything everyone has said into consideration :-) xx

hi.

what did you decide to do in the end? im currently going through the same thing. Pregnant with my long term partner, we're both 27, still live at home with our parents and we have no savings. I was so set on an abortion but i wouldnt be able to have it until im 13 weeks and it feels so wrong to have it done so late but i do feel the smart decision is to abort. Its such a hard situation x