Partner doesn’t want the baby

[Littlemissdj]

I’m 9+4 currently and yesterday my partner said he won’t be in baby’s life. I’ve already grown attached so don’t think a termination is on the cards for me. He says I’m being totally selfish, forcing a child on him and he’s always said he didn’t want any more kids (has 2 already)

I feel really alone and a bit unsure about how to carry on. I’m struggling and don’t have anyone to really talk to properly. Anyone been in a similar situation or can offer advice on how you coped? Xx

Hi lovely,

I didn’t want to read and run, although I’m not in this position. Just wanted to say sorry you’re going through this. I’m assuming baby wasn’t a planned baby? I completely get that termination is off the cards, I’m 10+6 and whilst our circumstances are different I couldn’t do anything now, I already love this little baby so much.

This happened to someone I do know, and what I will say, is whilst you cannot force someone to be in a child’s life (and trust me - it would be miserable if you did!!) you will absolutely smash it on your own. Don’t be afraid, you’ll be a fantastic parent. And to be honest, I don’t believe all kids need both parents. They need happy, amazing people in their life. And parents that don’t want to be in their lives are the ones missing out. You would obviously be entitled to go through CSA if you need to extra money support for him to pay. And whilst this is the last thing on your mind - I’m sure eventually you would meet a man who would adore you and your baby.

I also have a friend who done IVF with a donor and is doing it by herself, which I think is incredible!!

I know it’s not really advice, but just wanted to say, you will be amazing on your own and never beg someone to stay in your lives if they can’t be arsed. Sending you so much love xx

My husband left when our child was a baby, before he left he may as well have not been there anyway. I've managed it and I'm sure you will too.

If you want the baby, keep the baby, ditch the 'man'.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation 10 years ago with my first. I fell pregnant after a short fling. He spent weeks trying to convince me to have a termination , I almost did but changed my mind to the last minute. He said if I kept the baby he would never see me again. I raised my son on my own for the first 3 years, I struggled but I wouldn't have changed him for the world. He decided to come back into his life at three years of age. Although he has been consistent over the years taking him for a few hours every Saturday, it was much less hassle doing it all on my own without having anyone else to consult in parenting. I hope this helps but this is just my experience.

I nearly had a termination due to my partner not wanting the baby. We found out at 12 weeks and everything in my head was that I wanted the baby but he didn't and thought I should focus on my new job.

I'll be honest I regret considering it still to this day, the whole process (being my first pregnancy) literally tore me apart. I had a mental break down during the appointments and the stress which I believe caused my miscarriage at 14 weeks.

I ended up quitting my job over it, took me months and months to recover and in the end I guess I'm more at peace it was natural loss but still beat myself up about it.

If I could do it again there is no way I would ever let someone convince me to terminate, please think about yourself and what you want. You can do this, even if he wants nothing to do with you and baby there are amazing support networks out there. Wishing you the best x