Made to feel ridiculous for getting checked.

[Pcosfighter67]

Hi all,

Quick backstory. I'm currently 23 weeks with a girl 🥰 she's an IVF baby that toke us 6 years to get and is also our first child.

Since 18 weeks I've felt proper movements and kicks, my 20 weeks I could feel her and see her from the outside and 21 weeks my partner has felt her. I have seen my belly move when she rolls over and multiple kicks. I love it and have started noticing key times of day when she is most active. I also have an anterior placenta which is front left, she's been laying on the right so has been really easy to feel her.

A couple of days ago I noticed her kicking on the left side and nothing on the right so assumed she had moved. I could only feel her when I was in a particular position and felt like she was less active but I put this down to her having moved behind my placenta and just struggling to feel her as a result.
Well yesterday I realised I hadn't felt her for 16 hours nearly, I wasn't hysterically worried because of the above point but I was a little concerned so phone the triage midwife who deemed it necessary to go and get checked at the hospital just as a precaution. Still not panicking or hysterical but glad I would hopefully have my mind put at ease that it was what I was thinking.

So I did as I was instructed and went over to the hospital maternity day assessment. Well the midwife that dealt with me there made me feel like I was wasting her time and I was being ridiculous. Told me that it's "normal" to go days without feeling baby at this point and that they don't really care about babies movements until 28 weeks. This is never information I was given and I was told from the moment I feel her move to monitor it and if I was ever unsure to get checked. She treated me quite badly and insensitivly and had a bit of an attitude toward me. She then proceeded to put a new mum and newborn baby right opposite me with all curtains open when I could potentially be about to find out I had lost my baby. There are loads of private exam rooms in the unit and we were the only two patients there can I add.
She then started pulling up my top etc and didn't ask me once if I wanted the curtain pulled for privacy etc until my mum piped up followed by the midwife rolling her eyes and say "oh well did you want the curtain pulled or what"
It just felt clear to me that she wasn't taking me seriously qnd felt I was wasting her time. I walked away feeling embarrassed that I was worried and if anything it's made me nervous to get checked out if I have any concerns in future.
Luckily everything was fine.

This is so sad that you felt this way. I'm so glad everything was fine and you really should have left with reassurance and relief but you've left feeling rubbish because of this one midwife. Hopefully that treatment where you are is a one off by her 🤞🏼 and you don't experience that again. The only thing I agree with was I was told from 28 weeks to start monitoring the pattern of movement etc however I always stick by "a mum knows her baby" so would still get checked if you feel you need it. I really hope you can put her out your mind and enjoy your pregnancy and your weekend 😁 and never put off phoning if you feel it's the right thing to do xx

That really isn’t on. If you feel you want to put an official complaint in you can contact PALS. She should have made you feel reassured. As above the 28 weeks information is correct as baby is still small enough before then that you won’t always feel them. But if you are ever concerned before 28 weeks you should always ring. It’s always better to be safe.

This made me feel awful for you because the two times I've been up to my assessment unit (I'm 22 weeks) I was so worried about being made to feel embarrassed and like I was overreacting but couldn't of been further from the truth. Each member of staff couldn't of been lovelier and reassured me that anytime I'm worried to come in. Please, please report it to pals and don't let it deter you from ever getting checked when your gut tells you to! The midwife could of been having a bad day etc but that's really no excuse and she should be spoken with!

Agreed with above. The fact that triage told you to go in and get checked means that yours is legitimate concern. I'm also a first time mom with IVF baby. Sometimes it does feel like the NHS process tends to brush aside a lot of potential issues, for cost-benefit reasons. When I phoned my EPU to ask for a scan after bleeding and was turned down (coz they knew I had a subchorionic haematoma), I just booked myself a private scan. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting their money and time but I also want to make sure everything is OK and if the private scan revealed any problem I'd definitely raise it with NHS. Luckily everything was alright so far.