The best and the worst of news

[Spareincoming]

i just need to write this down.
I’ve just taken a test and it’s positive. I’ll be 4 weeks. The early pregnancy unit told me to ring back at 6 weeks to make my appointments.
We’ve been ttc no.2 for 10 months. I am older at 39. We have a 4yo. This month we thought we’d missed the window of opportunity and I’ve been slack with the folic acid - I’ve definitely missed a few doses and I thought my period was coming so I’ve taken the meds I take to reduce flow. GP phone call about that on Monday. Hopefully will be ok.

But. One of my parents is in the midst of the 2 weeks diagnosis for cancer. They’re likely to be quite far along; we’re talking terminal. Which sounds like a huge leap but that’s from their consultants as they have many other health concerns.

We don’t have masses of family or friend support. The thought of pregnancy and supporting the parent and the healthy parent or having a newborn and a 4 year old and doing the same…. I can’t put into words yet.

It’s brilliant to get a positive but I also feel utterly devastated.

I know no-one can help or change the situation.

Thank you for providing the space to write it down.

Sorry only after posting so I realise how dreadful my thread title is in this topic; how insensitive of me when I know of people
who have had incompatible with life diagnoses of their child.
so sorry.

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through so much. I just can’t even begin to imagine how that must all feel, the thought of losing a parent as well as the joy of a new baby. So I am, really sorry.

Ive never been in this situation, so appreciate my comments may be completely invalid but I’m trying to look at it from how I would try to if it was me (which I really do appreciate it it’s so difficult to comment on something that you haven’t been through, so excuse me if I don’t say the right things you think🤍 I know everyone’s different)

I know it’s early, but I would have to tell my parent. My mum / step-dad would be so overjoyed at the news that they’d want me to share it prior to anything happening. For our parents, they want us to have everything in life and our joy is their joy. And whilst they’re going through something absolutely devastating this may provide them with a little bit of light and happiness. Secondly- think of it as this baby is saving you, saving you from the grief - which of course you will absolutely still have, but it’s almost like your parent has sent you this baby to bless you before they go. So they know you’ve got everything you want from life.

Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I always try and find every single positive in life (which I know can be hard when physically dealing with it) but I hope those words help. And im wishing you all the best, and if you ever need to talk to someone, everyone on here is great. It’s like a free therapy session lol! Xx

Congratulations on your positive pregnancy test. I’m so sorry it has happened as one of your parents is going through a cancer diagnosis. It is so so incredibly difficult to experience this with a parent.

I can’t possibly know how you feel, but wanted to share that my mum had a cancer diagnosis when my baby was 3 months old and my older boy was 3. She was only 61. Very sadly for us, she passed away six weeks later. My husbands father passed away at the same time.

We were very fortunate to have our church come around and support us, and I used their listening ear service so I had a safe space to talk and try and process my grief.

I also spoke to my GP and she said that it was likely I was feeling especially vulnerable as I was caring for small children - that made sense to me. I imagine being pregnant you will feel even more vulnerable.

There might be dark days ahead but there will be so much love and I would encourage you to seek support from macmillan and keep taking - to your partner, to a friend, or a listening ear service or similar.

sending so much love, you will get through this one day at a time.

xx

@Izzie94x and @Surprisepregnancy1 Thank you both for your replies; I feel better for writing things down; I can’t say everything out loud yet.

I don’t feel I can tell them yet; part of me wants to wait until we have more clarity from the consultant team but I’m worried the time we will have with them won’t be long enough to see the new baby arrive. Or their quality of life won’t eb sufficient to
spend any time with the baby. At risk of sounding like a teenager, It all feels very unfair right now!

I am feeling very dark about it all tonight but I will be going to the youth group I help at shortly so hoping the distraction will help for a few hours.

More just needing to get this out; I have no one in R.L. I can share either news with.

My parent had a scan to see how far things have spread yesterday. They seem to be ignoring the various consultants gentle and not so gentle warnings that this is likely a terminal diagnosis. I suppose it’s human nature really.

I feel wretched; all this going on and I am
focusing on the thinking that my folic acid intact in the morning is making me feel nauseated; seems such an unimportant thing to manage in comparison.

Thanks for this space.