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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Anyone else's partner like this?

10 replies

emmaloubx · 27/02/2023 15:36

Hello

Recently I fell pregnant, I'm 14 weeks after me and my partner trying. Ever since I have been pregnant- my partner hardly talks about it, when I bring it up he doesn't say much. Anyway he's expressed how he feels really anxious and weird about it all, I explained that's all normal? It's a scary time- he's never been a dad before, I am a mum already to my daughter who's 8. He keeps saying well you've done this before etc, anyway I saw his family yesterday and everyone was saying how excited they are, then his sisters told me that my partner told them he just feels weird.

I feel like because he's feeling this way, I can't get excited or happy or excited to announce to the world! It's putting a massive downer on it all for me. It's just worrying me, he's working away at the moment and back at the weekends, when he left to go last night I just cried for an hour! I feel deflated- what can I do? I thought after us trying this would be a lovely time but it's not felt this way due to how he's feeling!

OP posts:
SnookyPook · 27/02/2023 15:50

@emmaloubx aw bless you. I think the whole experience must be so different for men. They know it's happening but they're not really experiencing it all first hand like us and in many ways their lives don't change. I can get why some of them find the whole thing a bit surreal etc. I think some men also get very anxious as it's something they have so little control over. They are seeing their partner go through this massive thing (that they also feel responsible for!) and they can't really do anything tangible to - for instance - take the aches and pains or sickness away etc.

I think it's just one of those times where you might need to give him a bit of time to process it in his own way. It doesn't mean he's not thrilled or that he won't be super excited when it's all more real, but maybe it's just thrown him a bit right now. Try not to let it dampen your own excitement. Maybe focus on those family members who are matching you where you're at right now and trust that he will soon get there. Big hugs to you!

Original poster
emmaloubx · 27/02/2023 16:22

@SnookyPook thank you, yeah I'm not sure he's even considering how I'm feeling! I'm constantly asking how he is feeling as I'm worried! Makes everything feel quite insecure! I hope as time goes on he will feel excited, i honestly can't even feel excited no matter how much I try because I know how he's feeling 😞 it's really hard. I'm too far gone now to make any other decisions- it's made me feel very anxious and also vulnerable as just not what I was expecting! Xx

OP posts:
SnookyPook · 27/02/2023 16:36

@emmaloubx aw bless you that's so hard. Hopefully he will sort himself out soon and you can both start enjoying the pregnancy together. X

BackOfTheMum5net · 27/02/2023 18:56

I think my husband had a couple of weeks of this even though he’s always wanted a baby- I could feel the changes happening in my body so I sort of knew we were pregnant before doing the test. For him it was a total surprise (even though we’d been trying for 6 months) and he literally lay awake at night thinking about all the things we need to do and whether he’d be a good dad.

I guess you need to encourage him to open up about how he’s feeling, whether it’s to you or someone else.

Original poster
emmaloubx · 27/02/2023 19:25

@BackOfTheMum5net yes maybe he will start to feel more ok. But it's affecting me now, he seems to only care how he's feeling! It's just really crap! If I'd known this is how he would be, I wouldn't of gone ahead with trying for a baby! I guess he didn't know how he was going to feel, but honestly I feel crap - not even happy anymore about it! Trying to talk to him about it all is hard also. Don't really know what to do atm! Just hope it gets better I suppose xx

OP posts:
SillyOldBear3 · 28/02/2023 21:42

Just thought I'd share I feel like I'm in a similar place. We were actively trying, and my partner is VERY quiet. It's hard to figure out his emotions but I think he is just overwhelmed. We don't speak about it a lot as I can tell it stresses him out. We had a miscarriage in December and were both very sad at the loss. This baby is very much wanted but I think he is just worried about the change it will bring to our lives. Did your partner have a good relationship with his dad? My partner's father left him at age 5, and he has no relationship with him. I think this really affected him, and a lot of his worries deep down are about being 'a good dad'.. Also, I don't think it really sinks in for men until baby is here, and they have that love for them ❤️

Original poster
emmaloubx · 01/03/2023 10:42

@SillyOldBear3 Oh that's really sad I'm sorry to hear that. Mine didn't have any issues with his dad, but he's very hard to communicate with and if I ask questions he gets all defensive. He's working away at the moment and back at weekends so it's quite hard as he's probably going away and having lots of time to think about the negativities. But he isn't checking how I am feeling. Just seems to be all about how he is! We haven't spoken today- think im going to give him some space until he's home.
It's really hard though isn't it as you just want to get excited and be happy about it, but when they are being how they are - it's hard to!
I've been feeling really upset about it and I hope it's not like this the whole pregnancy! Same for you! Xx

OP posts:
SillyOldBear3 · 01/03/2023 20:20

It's tough as somehow it's stopping me from feeling excited. I'm just trying to give him time to process everything and hopefully he will gradually start to feel better. I think he maybe feels a bit distanced from the whole thing. He did mention earlier though that we need to do a food shop and get plenty of healthy food for the baby.. I guess that's a good sign!

Maybe the time away will give him a little space to clear his head? I imagine it's really strange for partners as they're physically not going through anything. Have you had any scans yet? I'm hoping the 12 week scan somehow creates more of a 'bond' as there's something to see then! I'm only 7 weeks, so early days...

Original poster
emmaloubx · 01/03/2023 21:01

@SillyOldBear3 Ahh yes that is a good sign he's said to go healthy food shopping for baby!
Hopefully going for scan will make it feel more real for him and a better bond, it sounds positive though, just that he's processing it all!

With my partner it's the more things that happen, like we went for 12 week scan, and it scared him 😂 and he felt weird after it. Then seemed ok, then he went quiet and weird again after we both told my daughter! But I've literally had it all out with him yesterday I got so upset over phone, back and forth messages about how it's not all about him and he needs to realise how this is making me feel also! So today he's said he doesn't know why he's worrying so much and from now on we are going to try get excited and be happy. Which is nice- maybe talk to your partner? As I feel like that's helped me a bit, hopefully now we can start to feel better!! Xx

OP posts:
SillyOldBear3 · 01/03/2023 21:48

@emmaloubx So glad things are looking more positive after your chat! Sounds like he is just very anxious about things but wants to get over these feelings. Seeing you upset probably made him realise that he needs to work on his mindset, hopefully you can both start to enjoy your pregnancy now 🙂 I am pretty rubbish about chatting about how I'm feeling, but you're right, talking about it together will probably really help! Xx

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