Pregnant with second, husband doesn’t want another baby

[b1uevelvet]

Hi, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I just don’t know what to do.

I just found out I’m pregnant again, we already have an 18 month old.
We stopped using protection about a year ago because I have bad reactions to birth control and he didn’t want to use condoms.
I’ve been up front several times about not wanting to have an abortion if I do get pregnant, however he is now angry and said he thought I would change my mind if I were to become pregnant because I would “have to be reasonable”.

Since telling him on friday he’s either ignored me or answered me in a cold tone of voice. He thinks I’m being delusional and childish in thinking that we can have another one.

I am extremely pro choice and think the choice should be up to the one who is pregnant, however I feel like an awful person now since he wants me to have an abortion because he thinks it would be better to regret an abortion than to regret having a child.
He also says he does want another one when our first is older, but not for another 3-4 years.

I’m just feeling heartbroken and angry and don’t know what to do. It takes two people to become pregnant, and he knew he was taking a risk, yet it’s all supposed to be my fault.
I’ve told him to take some time to think, but he either has to deal with the situation we’ve both made happen, stay angry or leave.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this and have any advice..

I’m well aware my point was that I thought he was aware of this as well. Thanks for your great input

I disagree with the first response on this post 👀 (someone's clearly having a bad day!)

I think if you'd warned him many times about not wanting an abortion, but also not having great reactions to contraception yourself - then contraception should be his responsibility... if he refuses and is now angry at you for being pregnant, then I think he's being incredibly selfish.

You have no reason to feel guilty in my eyes, you're right when you say it takes 2 people to fall pregnant - you tried prevention your end and it wasn't helpful, you also warned him to try his side too and he didn't... now he isn't happy with the result, he's been naive there for sure!!!

I'm also pro-choice - so I think it should be entirely up to you, but it probably needs a proper conversation when he can be adult enough to have one... don't let him make you feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong

Thank you for the reply, yes I am going to try to have a proper conversation with him in a few days when he’s had some time to think and maybe cool down a little! 🤞

Well what did he expect to happen? Utterly bizarre. It’s hardly a surprise you fell pregnant.

Also, what’s the long term plan with contraception because at this rate you’ll have about 10 kids.

Lol the plan is that I get sterilised after this one, I’m probably gonna need a c-section so I’ll ask that they do both surgeries at the same time

Your partner having the snip is an easier and reversible procedure. Let him take one for the team!

I am sure he will cool down at some point. Do what you feel is right in your heart and it will work out whatever happens x

@b1uevelvet I've name changed for this thread, but I was in a very similar situation, only for us it was a pill mishap. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with #2, my DS1 is just over 2 years old. DH didn't want more kids, I was open for more. Like you, I don't choose abortion for myself, and it was a straightforward decision for me. DH did not take the news well, he didn't speak to me for about a week, not counting few grunts. Then he went into a crazy panic mode, how everything is going to fall apart (it won't, we are both financially stable, touch wood). I had to tell him in no uncertain terms that he either shapes up or ships out. Our relationship is not fantastic outwith this whole pregnancy thing though, and I am half ready for divorce anyway, so it wasn't particularly difficult to tell him that. I can raise two kids by myself no problem.
Long story short, he got much better about 7 week mark, and even wants to come to all scans/appointments. We are in a better place right now, but I am still not 100% sure he will be in the picture few years down the line.