Really, just so lost, alone with all of this.

[JustalittlelostXX]

Really, just what it says. Totally lost right now, questioning my women hood, life and relationship. Currently going though my third miscarriage within a year. Really mentally struggling ! Back at work the day after bleeding started, I guess that’s my way to cope however, I just want to curl up into a ball and make the world stop for a few days.

My partner is hurt also, everyone deals with things differently. I blame myself, I have PCOS and just feel I can’t get over this, I wanted it so much, I know he wanted it so much.. and I feel totally responsible and like it will never happen for us !

I honestly feel alone, like now it’s not been mentioned, spoke about, nothing ! I just cry myself to sleep. Now listening to him go on about how unwell he feels ! Whislt I am still bleeding due to the loss of our baby, and trying to stay strong. Really I feel like just walking away, I love him but I feel I have taken something from his life, and I feel he can’t support me in the right way. I’m sick of telling him what he should do, instead of him just doing it ?

don’t really know what I am looking for with this post, maybe someone who has been through similar and how you managed. My heart just feels utterly broken, feel like I am hating everyone around me at the moment.

Thanks for reading my self pitty rant XO

Hi hun. Didn't want to leave you unanswered. I haven't been through your situation. I did have a termination, which I regretted after. I felt alone, confused and ill and made a decision that I shouldn't have. It fucked me up for a very long time after. I felt a lot pain and grief, yet felt I didn't have the right to feel those things and i hated myself. I sank into a very dark place. I hated my partner because he didn't feel the grief that I felt. Talk to your partner about how your feeling. Maybe seek professional counselling also. Don't make a rash decision on your relationship whilst the feelings are so raw!

It definitely IS NOT your fault and you have not taken anything away from anybody! Give yourself the love and kindness you deserve. What would you tell anybody else in your situation? Would you think it was their fault? Of course you wouldn't.

I am very sorry for your losses

Sending the biggest virtual hug possible. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low & although I can’t relate directly I really hope you know deep down that this is definitely not your fault

Give yourself time and care to heal and recover, mentally and physically! Could you take some time off work, maybe book a slow and steady trip somewhere by the coast? Might help to reset your mind and settle you a little bit in a neutral space

I really hope you find some peace, you’ve been through so much so take it so slow, lots of love for your body whilst it regains some strength and go easy on yourself! 💜🙏🏼

Just reading your responses brought tears to my eyes, I mean that’s the thing. Yous are strangers but yet seemed to know just what to say that wouldn’t cause anymore shame, guilt or hurt. Maybe I’m being too hard on others, for not knowing the correct things to say. Although, I don’t even know what it is I need to hear right now either, I feel if I try take time out to be with my thoughts I just might not be able to pick myself back up from it all. Counselling could be a good idea ! As does the break away sound great right now.

Thank you both for your kind words, you’s have gave me a bit of comfort at such a tough time. X

@Redleaves65 also, I totally understand your feelings around the termination I am sure you might the right decision for you at that time in your life. Regret is a horrible feeling to hold, I hope you have managed to put that in a better place now. Think men are just wired totally differently in terms of emotions and feelings, sending love ❤️

@JustalittlelostXX yes I am in a better place right now. Counselling helped but it was a long road. It might help you to talk to someone. Are you in the UK? There is a charity called clearwaters too. I didn't use their services in the end but I spoke to one of the ladies a few times. She was so supportive and understanding. I think men don't understand and have the same emotions because they physically can't understand like we do because they don't carry a child in their body if that makes sense. I know men can be sympathetic and grieve the loss themselves I don't think it is felt the same way as a woman and to some men it's not quite real yet. Have you told your partner how you're feeling? I hope you get the support you need and recover soon. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to begin healing. Here if you ever want to chat. You can pm me

@Redleaves65 yeah I’m in the UK, might give them a wee look up ! Thank you. Going to book and appointment next week with GP to hopefully get further tests ect done, but it’s honestly like hitting your head against a brick wall with them with fertility issues.

yeah I totally agree about men and their emotions ! I have spoken to him, I mean I had to actully ask him to not work late the day I started to miscarry as I really needed him, which was an argument, to the point I have just withdrawn and thought I’ll deal with it on my own. Constantly get the “ everything will be ok “ and I’m just like how is everything ok right now ? How will it be ? But I definitely think I’ll work through that all a lot better within a counselling setting rather than look for it from him.

honestly can not thank you enough for taking the time, glad you are doing ok now ! Nice to hear that eventually you do move on from it or rather, learn to cope. Just wish I could fast forward to that point.