Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant and partner not happy

8 replies

Seabiscuit1 · 24/02/2023 19:06

I need some honest advice. I have just found out I am pregnant and my partner is insisting that if we are to stay together, I must get a termination.

For context, we have been together for 3 years and have been through a lot. He has 3 children with 50:50 custody and I have one. We are not married though will be this year. We have just bought our family home though I will not be moving into it until August in order to give his children time to adjust (though we spend a lot of time together as a family, they do not know their father and I are together). We own a business together which I am mainly responsible for though he certainly bank rolls it when needed.

He is insistent that it is not the right time as he believes it will jeopardise our children as they go through the transition of living all together. He has said that if I go through with the pregnancy then I will be alone and he will not have anything to do with the child. He wants us to wait 6 months- 1 year and then, once we are married we will actively try for more children.

I feel sick. I cannot contemplate the idea of being a single mum to two. I did it on my own the first time around and it was extremely hard but I don’t regret my decision in the slightest.

I am really hoping he will come round but I know I can’t count on it. I don’t want to force him to be a father but I also don’t want to be forced to do something that I know is not my decision. I have had several miscarriages before my first and I know how much that hurts and I see a termination as being just as painful but with added guilt.

we have a loving but sometimes a little unstable (mainly due to me) relationship. We know the future that we both want and are just getting to the stage of making that a reality. This has thrown a spanner in the works but I don’t see it as being as utterly catastrophic as he does.

Any advice on what I should do would be very appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
Twoinapod · 24/02/2023 19:30

You’ve been together 3 years, you’re getting married this year and you’ve bought a house together yet he hasn’t bothered to tell his kids you are together?

This baby sounds like a perfect excuse to manipulate things, like he’s getting cold feet on commitment and this is a perfect reason for him to end things.

I would be really concerned about a relationship like that without the baby added in.

With the new baby, no one can make that choice for you. But it is you that has to live with that choice. So I think a lot of it will come down to really thinking about each option and how you think you will feel about each in the future. Will you be able to live with having a termination, or will you resent a child that you’re bringing up on your own?

Im so sorry you are in this position, I would really be reconsidering a relationship with this man whichever you decide.

HistoryFanatic · 24/02/2023 19:37

Your set up sounds really odd. You have been long enough together to buy a house yet he won't tell them you are together or have you move straight in because of the children. I don't see why the kids might not like the idea of another sibling? Personally a man that gives you that of ultimatum blackmail isn't worth it. If you want the baby keep it. I have a feeling he might be stringing you along and doesn't want anymore children really.

SnookyPook · 24/02/2023 23:57

I agree with everything @Twoinapod said! This sounds really bizarre.

Also agree with @HistoryFanatic that kind of ultimatum/blackmail is not healthy at all and isn't something I can imagine a bloke who is genuinely in love and happy with you would do?!

He's had plenty of time to ease his children into the idea of the two of you being a thing. Tbh you might as well throw a new baby into the mix at the same time as a new house and a new stepmum..! I agree with @Twoinapod that something seems a bit off and I'm not sure he's really on the same page as you at all. Sorry as I know this isn't the response you were hoping for but your post really sat uneasily with me.

As for your decision... What could you live with most easily/comfortably? Could you be happy building a life with a man who strong-armed you into terminating your child? How would you feel if you can't conceive again at a later date? Do you think you could cope raising this baby without him if he does indeed walk and you never hear from him again? Only you can know the answers but I hope you are honest with yourself and are able to reach a decision that you feel calm and happy with.

Seabiscuit1 · 25/02/2023 12:09

Thank you. I agree with anything you are saying. I have broken up with him. I’m not 100% at peace with my decision but given the ultimatum he gave me, I don’t feel like I have any option.
No idea what happens now but first step has been taken.

OP posts:
Twoinapod · 25/02/2023 12:23

@Seabiscuit1 really sorry to hear that, but I’m sure in time you will look back and be relieved. You are worth so much more than being kept a secret. Hope you and your babies are well.

HowcanIhelp123 · 25/02/2023 12:55

He wants to put you through a termination you don't want to try again in only 6 months? Yeah right, he's lying. You are worth so much more than that.

If he's 100% set on termination then your relationship is over either way. Either its over because you keep the baby, or you resent him for the termination you didn't want.

You say just found out, how long ago did you tell him? Hopefully it was a shock/panic reaction and he may come back with his tail between his legs. It's up to you whether you want to forgive him or not.

Katsucurrysauce · 25/02/2023 13:07

Sorry but I couldn’t quite get over the bit that his children didn’t know you were together. That’s utterly bizarre.

SnookyPook · 25/02/2023 21:53

@Seabiscuit1 good for you - hope you're feeling ok. If he doesn't fight to get you back then that says it all doesn't it. Really sorry for you that this is the way it's gone but hopefully with time it will all make sense. Wishing you lots of joy ahead xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread