BFP… and suddenly, absolutely terrified.

[daffodi]

Hoping for ‘mum’ style advice as I daren’t tell my own yet. Thanks so so much if you stick with this.

All I have ever wanted is to be a mummy, since I could talk. I’ve always daydreamed about this moment in my life. Now it’s here, and I feel so uneasy.

I tested positive two days ago on a first response test. It wasn’t an ident as there was colour there. Not entirely sure when I ovulated but researched up on it and I think I’d be around 10-11 days past ovulation.

Admittedly we’ve not been being careful but took the reckless approach of avoiding fertile days and believing it takes people months and months. Lesson learned, as for us it was quite literally one time.

I’m only 22 will be just turned 23 when baby is born, but it just sounds and is so terribly young, doesn’t it? DP is 25. We marry next year and we were hoping to buy a house this year, as it stands we’re still renting and I’m now very worried that buying will be impossible as everyone says to buy before kids. This house is fine for now- it’s home and we have a small spare room but could definitely do with more space. I have just landed on my feet within my career, as has DP. We are both earning nurse/teacher type starter wages without giving away what we do and are workaholics, we’re lucky to both be passionate about what we do.

I couldn’t sleep last night, with both excitement and anxiety, mainly the latter. I am worried I will lose my identity, worried about being judged for my age, worried about losing the fun in our relationship and draining the money from our bank accounts while we’re still so bloody young.

We have both been excited for years about the prospect of becoming parents one day and talk about it fairly often but didn’t anticipate it being so soon… I haven’t even told DP yet as I don’t know how he will take it. It doesn’t feel real.

The positives:

• Both our parents were in their 40s having us, so they will get to be average age grandparents
• Energy levels
• Biological ideal age

Can anyone think of anymore?

I just wanted a space to vent and hopefully seek some reassurance from others that things will be okay! If anyone has any personal stories of feeling similar themselves I would love to hear it… I feel so guilty that these feelings have already been the start to this journey.

Thank you in advance x

Everyone feels like this even if the baby is planned so no need to feel guilty, having a baby Is a big thing it's normal to feel anxious. I don't think there's ever really a right time to have a baby, your always going to have other things going on in your life like work etc but if having a baby is what you want you just make it work. Having children hasn't really changed my relationship, obviously we depend more on each other now but I think it actually brought us closer together. Your identity does change, this I found tough as your always putting someone else's needs before your own, just make sure you take time for yourself to do the things you enjoyed before having a baby. As for people judging you for your age, 22 isnt that young. Don't let fear of judgement stop you, people like to judge mothers no matter what you do, you learn to ignore it.

As @K37529 said, feeling overwhelmed, anxious etc comes with the territory! It is a massive life shift! I was like you, had always wanted a family and was super maternal etc. In my case, I didn't meet my future hubby until I was 27 and we were both just embarking on intense post-grad training degrees so we ended up marrying and finally trying for a child when I was in my thirties. I was 35 when I had my DS. For perspective, even with all this and the genuine ticking if my biological clock, I still felt terrified when I found out! I have now just found out I'm expecting again at 37 and again, feeling a bit overwhelmed! DH and I are very happy together and like the previous poster, I think becoming parents together has brought us even closer and life feels more fulfilling. In fact the other day my DH said if he could have one wish it would be to have met me earlier and had a bigger family with me!

I strongly believe that the right baby for you comes at the right time. If this little bean in you is the start of something then trust that it will be ok and will make sense for your life journey. You sound like you've got you sh*t together (a lot more so than many your age!) and it's great you've always pictured this for yourself. Yes, having a child will change things, but it is wonderful!

It sounds smarmy but honestly, becoming a Mum was everything I dreamed it would be. The love you have for your child is just something else and enriches your life in ways you can't imagine until they are here.

Tell your lovely partner tomorrow and see how he takes things and then take it from there. You've got this!