Hello! I'm currently 7w+3 and struggling with mental health. I've struggled mentally for years prior to falling pregnant and have done multiple therapies and been on antidepressants for a while. I struggle mostly with anxiety and depression.
When I found out I was pregnant I decided to wean off my SSRI's as my mum freaked me out saying it could be dangerous for baby (only very small chances but enough that she struck the fear of god into me!)
A couple weeks later I went for an early scan at the EPAU as I had some minor pain and bleeding, and I left with "intrauterine pregnancy of uncertain viability". This terrified me, as I had to wait 2 weeks for a rescan (and that went well!).
However, in those two weeks my mental health was a MESS. I was terrified that I'd go to the rescan and be faced with bad news, not helped by the fact I had another period-like bleed halfway through the wait. I was in bed 99% of the time staring at the clock or sleeping time away, and I was just constantly anxious.
Now, overall everything is fine. We saw a heartbeat and im just a couple weeks earlier than I thought. All good!
The problem is that I am not sure how to go through a whole pregnancy without my medication and that 2 week experience really worries me for what my pregnancy will be like. I'm too scared to go back on it as my mum unhelpfully kept saying "when the baby is here you'll regret anything that may have caused it a problem" and that essentially I should not put myself first during pregnancy and not take ANY risks (basically, do not take the SSRI due to the minor risk of problems from it).
Im instead trying to come up with ways to cope, mostly in the form of keeping busy and keeping the weeks rolling without being sat around worrying. I've got things planned and I'm really trying but my anxiety is always there on if it'll be okay at the next scan! For this I planned on booking some private scans to be able to reassure myself and get through it that way. Obviously not obsessively, but every now and again between long waits.
The problem is that everyone seems to be telling me that it is unnecessary and that I'd be wasting my money. But then they also don't want me on the medication. And the overall theme is that I should "just deal with it" and they don't seem to understand how hard I'm finding this. I'm really fed up of being told that I should just be able to do this without worrying and it feels very unfair.
My dad is the only one who sensibly told me that I'll only be the best for my baby if I do what's best for me. I know what will help me but it feels like whenever I tell someone my plan to cope through this, they tell me im being ridiculous for even feeling so worried. It's starting to hurt and im struggling with if im even allowed to have any coping mechanisms at this point.
What is also annoying me is that I'm the only one going through this!! They're not!! One of them is my sister who has never had a baby and knows nothing of what im going through. Im just fed up of my feelings being invalidated or cast aside. Of course I want the best for my baby, and I'd never want to risk a problem with them. But I don't know how I can go a whole pregnancy as I am currently.
What do I do? Thank you for listening to my rant, I really needed to get it out!