Missed Miscarriage at 12+5 , How do i cope ? Any experience welcome

[WorzselMummage]

We had our scan today at 12+5 weeks to be told our baby had died a couple of weeks ago. i am completly shell shocked. I have to wait till Wednesday for a D&C and i wish i'd have been able to have to done today, i just want it over now.

Has anyone been though this ? how do you start thinking again ? I feel so fuckign stupid,i've told everyone i've been going on and on about being pregnant, wearing maternity clothes, takign really good care of myself so looking forward to having another baby and for what ? to have my heart broken.

This baby took almost 2 years to concieve i dont think i can go though all that again.

what do i do ? how the hell do you cope with it ?

Hi ,
I am sorry for you loss. Just to say that it happened to me when I was 12 weeks and 6 days and yes it was hard, but the way I dealt with it was to believe that it was not meant to happen. 4 years latter, age 37 had a 10 pounds healthy baby boy and now, age almost 41 I am 10 weeks pregnant. It could happen to me again, but there is no point in not having hope. Nature will decide if the baby can make it.
Lots of women have gone through the same and it just make us stronger.
Good luck

the same thing happened to me about 5 years ago with my 1st pregnancy.i was devastated.i became pregnant again about a year later and after a complicated pregnancy and a very long labour i had a beautiful dd who's just turned 3.i still think about what happened but it does get easier.its not your fault this has happened.its just natures way of letting you know the baby wasn't well.look after yourself x

Thanks for all your messages, it's really helped me to get my head round things by reading them.

I think Df and i have made the decision to try again immediatly and i have already ordered some OPKS & HPTs. This pregnancy was a long time coming so i shouldnt imagine for a minute we'll be pregnant again any time soon.. i just dont want to miss a chance.

I feel a bit like i don't feel as bad as i should feel, i 'knew' something wasnt right so i think i prepared myself for the worst outcome mentally, i feel like i should feel worse but really i just feel numb and resigned to the fact that i cant do anything about it anyway. i've always been a bit of a coper the kind of person to just get on with it i guess i should be pleased that i can.

anyway thanks again and good luck with your pregnancies or TTC xx

No one can tell you how devestated you should be or how little you should cope, everyone does it their own way, but it never helps anyone to fall to bits and you're right to be getting on with it.

Sorry for your loss - went through m/c at 10wks after waiting for 3yrs for first dc, post ds have had 2 mc. I have just been refered to recurrent mc unit at epu - the really good thing that has come out is that if I do get bfp I will be able to get regular scans, particularly early on, for peace of mind and to make sure everything OK. Keep in mind that the good thing is that you were pregnant and that this means that eggs, implantation and sperm must be fairly OK - but this one wasn't meant to be. This makes it more likely that you will conceive sooner rather than later, so hopefully you won't have such a long wait.

(((hugs)))

I had missed mc seen at 12 wk scan. I was devastated but I did go on to have my dd3 afterwards. Until it happens to you you don't realise thjese things can even happen let alone how common they are.

I'm so sorry or your loss...be kind to yourself and give yourself time to get over this before trying again..

Mistlethrush they told me i'd have to have 3 consecutive MC before i could be refered for tests and as my previous MC were 8 & 6 years ago anyway they wouldnt count them

The did say though that if we manage to concieve again that i'll be able to have more scans although i am not sure how reassuring they will be given that i had 2 early ones this time and saw a good strong HB. I am hoping that this MCC was because of a problem with the baby and not because of the hormonal problem with made it so hard to concieve in the first place, if that makes sense. anyway i guess its just a case of getting back on the horse and tryign again, i'll be absolutly amazed if it happens again any time soon but i have my fingers crossed !

Mistlethrush they told me i'd have to have 3 consecutive MC before i could be refered for tests and as my previous MC were 8 & 6 years ago anyway they wouldnt count them

The did say though that if we manage to concieve again that i'll be able to have more scans although i am not sure how reassuring they will be given that i had 2 early ones this time and saw a good strong HB. I am hoping that this MCC was because of a problem with the baby and not because of the hormonal problem with made it so hard to concieve in the first place, if that makes sense. anyway i guess its just a case of getting back on the horse and tryign again, i'll be absolutly amazed if it happens again any time soon but i have my fingers crossed !

Well, my first was 4.5 yrs ago, then ds, then autumn 2006, autumn 2007 - and I was referred OK, so it might be worth trying. However, my first mc complicated by molar pregnancy - which means that any subsequent mc I am completely paranoid about it coming back again, particularly as my hormone levels seem to take ages to get back to 0.

What got me through 2nd and 3rd is that I'm so lucky to have one fantastic ds - a 2nd would be lovely, but, if, in the end it doesn't happen, I'll still have ds.

Treasure what you have, don't put too much into what might not happen - although I hope it does for both of us

Absolutly whatever happens with TTC i'm very lucky to have a wonderfull DD

I'll ask about the MC clinic but i dont hold out much hope, My GP is as much use as tits on a bike.

I'm so sorry

A friend of mine had six MC in a row including a couple of MMC and she's gone on to have two children. I think it's important you speak to a consultant/specialist to reassure yourself.

So sorry to hear of your missed mc. The same thing happened to me and I hated walking out of the antenatal clinic infront of all the excited couples, and down the corridor to the gynae ward to discuss D&C .
I was terrified of the D&C and made them do a quick scan beforehand to make sure it wouldn't happen naturally that day. Of course it didn't.
I've had 2 mc and a stillbirth, and each one is important to me. Whenever I go into a church I always light a candle for each child, even though I'm not a regular church-goer. Don't bother telling anyone if you don't feel like it. No-one will be offended as it's nobody else's business anyway. You don't have to deal with their reactions as well as dealing with your own.
It does make you feel alot more grateful for the child you have, as you say, and I know I feel blessed with DS too .

Hi Worzel

had a MMC at 6w4d in oct found out at 9weeks. it was so strange cos i didnt feel anything only a dull pain in my right side. i had a d&c the next day. it was so much better than having to go home and wait for it to happen i just dont think i could go through that. i have found out dec 31 of all days i was pregnant again and now 10w4d but still v worried but trying not to. mumsnet helped me so much! keep your chin up we are all here for u xx

Exactly, threestars.

Thank you for posting.

We named our baby who died.

I'm so sorry, Worzel.

Please know you're not alone.

I am posting here for the first time. I too had a missed mc last week I was 17+5 and just a couple of weeks of my 20 week scan.

It started with brown discharge after a swimming class, during the night this worsened to bloody discarge and mild period pain.

I took myself off to A&E and was taken straight to the labour ward. They tried to find a heartbeat but could not. At 11am next morning the Sonographer came to scan me and said sorry your baby has died. It measured only 14 weeks. I was shell shocked and my husband burst out crying. I now know this is called a missed miscarriage.

A few minutes later a Dr came in and told me I had 2 options a D&C or medical management. He advised me to go for the tablet option as it was lower risk. I was given a tablet and told to return 36 hrs later to go through with the labour.

I went home in a trance, knowing I had a dead baby inside me. That same day I started passing big clots and bleeding. I went to the toilet and my waters broke and I felt the foetus plop into the loo. I didn't know what to do but decided not to look and flush. I now regret this as I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

The next morning I went in for another scan and they told me the empty sac and placenta were still there. I was told to go home and come back in for more tablets as arranged.
I had to go back in that night as I went into full labour pains and was losing a lot of blood. It was very scary and I felt I was going to collapse. At hospital they managed to manually remove the last remnants of ' retained products' and said the placenta would be sent away for testing. They handed me a very out of date leaflet from the MC Assoc. and sent me home.
I have had no more contact from the hospital but have received so much love and support and counselling from friends and family.
I have been amazed at how many women have gone through mc, it's just not talked about.
Sorry to rabbit on about my experience, but it feels therapeutic to get it out.
I want to try for another baby but am scared.

Larvelider What an awful thing for you to have gone though, Lifes so cruel isnt it

I know what you mean about feeling that you didnt have the chance to say goodbye. I flush both of my previous misscarriages down the toilet as i didnt know what to do with them, this one the hospital disposed of. I asked what they did with it but they couldnt tell me really, just thats it's incinerated. I was hoping they would tell me they incinerated all the 'products of conception' together or at least gave them some of the respect they'd have had had they become the poeple they could have. The Dr i spoke to about it skirted round the issue and i didnt push it. Anyway, i am planning on going and buying a plant in the week and a nice big container and having that as a memory of the baby that never was, maybe you could do something like that that'll give you something to focus on.

We're going to try again too, we're not even going to wait for a period although i think it'd probably be better of we did. I am so desperate for another baby, its heartbreaking. I am terrified too, completly but having soent the last few weeks reading about MMCS it would seem that most people do get a happy ending.

I am so sorry for your loss xx

Thanks Worzelmummage
The plant idea's really good. Its a lovely sunny day today and I'm going to go out and buy a cheery plant.

I'm pleased for you that you are trying again, if we got through what we did already we are brave enough to try again.

one unpleasant question did you see what you passed in the toilet, if so could you make it out ? as I said I was too squeamish but regret that now.

Good Luck and let me know how you get on with the next Pg.

No i couldnt make anything out, its was just like a big blood clot x

good luck to you too hun

Sorry for your loss. I has 1x MC in 2006. then I fell pregnant again, only to have a still birth @35 weeks. They then diagnosed me with APS ( sticky blood) I am 6 weeks now, and have to inject myself daily with blood thinning meds, and take asprin. It is very diffucult to deal with but all that happens in life has its reasons, I am sure you will be pregnant again and be a great mother! Keep the faith.

Sooooo, soory that you had to go through this. Very, very difficult. Had a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks (dead at 11) and another miscarriae at 9.5 weeks.

Was so very, very angry, as my chainsmoking, obese friend had her third child the year before - and I was sporty, good weight, non-smoking... Seemed so unfair. I could's look at a pregnant woman for months and became very bitter and sometimes aggressive and depressed. Two women were prgnant at work and it was difficult, but actually helped talking to them in the end. Found out one of them lost her first at 20 weeks.

Sports, lots of it, helped me a great deal - and talking openly to other women who had m/cs. What didn't help was women who said just keep trying - WRONG THING TO SAY when you think your world has ended.

Anyway - let yourself be angry, cry, be anti-social for a while. I was lucky to have a great hubby who acceptd my outbursts and we talked afterwards abut how we both felt.
Now hoping for best. Whatever the universe throws at you - I hope you wi get through this and a big remore hug if that is ok with you.