TW: Fear of stillbirth taking over my pregnancy and affecting my life

[MRSDoos]

I’m 28 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby boy. I have general anxiety anyway, added to that the fact we have lost babies in the first trimester and I am a complete mess. I am struggling to enjoy my pregnancy and do daily things such as work or be a normal human being without worrying about my baby passing away. Part of me wants to be at home and stop working, part of me knows it’s too early and that I’ll be sitting at home worrying.

Does anyone else relate to this feeling? I already have health visitors coming to see me soon due to my anxieties and am on waiting list for therapy.

I understand how you feel OP. I lost a pregnancy at 11 weeks before this pregnancy, and I think I am still struggling to believe that we will have a baby at the end of this. I'm 22w at the moment. The only way I can try and reframe my anxiety is by telling myself that if something does happen, worrying about it won't make any difference, but trying to think positively and take steps to reduce my anxiety is good for the baby. Easier said than done though! Definitely share how you feel with those close to you if you can. I've found that my local trust have been very good at offering extra support for my anxiety (I'm having CBT at the moment), and there is a specialist maternal mental health team who I'm due to speak to soon too. Can you push for any additional support from your midwife?

I felt the same way in the lead up to DD’s birth, so much so that I left my work handover to the last minute as I genuinely didn’t see the point in writing it as I felt I just “knew” I’d be leaving hospital without a baby.

I was absolutely wrong, and DD is now 6wks old, but honestly even in labour I was terrified it was all going to go wrong.

What I will say is try to get some help for your anxiety before birth, I vaguely spoke to people about my fears but don’t think I ever truly explained just how much it was affecting me. When DD was born this then manifested in a truly unhealthy fear of SIDS, to the point I couldn’t sleep as I was so sure she’d die if I wasn’t watching her, would regularly sob to my DH about how I didn’t want to lose her. Fortunately I had an awesome support network around me, and little by little I’ve been able to somewhat quieten the fear to a point where I can at least assess things rationally, but it truly robbed me of the initial enjoyment of having our rainbow baby and I really wish in hindsight I’d got help sooner.

What you're feeling is completely normal. I lost my first at 33 weeks (TFMR) and when I became pregnant with my second I was a complete anxious mess. I had so many panic attacks and I was in and out having her movements checked.
Just take each day at a time. Try and remind yourself that in this moment there's nothing to worry about (easier said than done). Remember that despite what you may see online, stillbirth is really uncommon. I don't know about you, but when I was pregnant with my rainbow I almost went looking for stillbirth stories to scare myself, which made it appear that it was more common than it actually is.
Try and visualise yourself holding your little rainbow and visualise them growing happy and healthy inside you
Are you having any extra scans/consultant appointments? We were consultant led and it helped me by having a countdown of appointments to the birth '3 more to go then she's here...2 more to go'.
All of this will soon be a distant memory when your little one arrives 🌸

Ahh I feel the same!! I'm 31 weeks and just done a post on complications I currently have which resulted in me in hospital all week. I am beyond terrified, this too is a rainbow miracle baby 😭😭 I had miscarriages previously, and was physically so poorly when I conceived the doctors don't know how I did! So she is completely my miracle.

The anxiety has caused me to develop perinatal OCD. I'm a mess atm so I completely feel for you xx

I had IVF, had two losses which contributed to me being incredibly anxious all through my pregnancy and I never truly believed I would be taking a baby home. It was horrible. Keep talking about your feelings and maybe look into hypnobirthing as the breathing can be quite helpful with relaxing.

You’re not alone. I’m currently 23 weeks but after 6 losses, including a second trimester stillbirth, I’m often filled with doubt and fear and every time I get good news it’s a shock. I have some wellbeing support coming up - 6 sessions of worry management - and I’m also waiting for some birth trauma support - 3 sessions to help me decide on delivery. What has your midwife suggested? Sometimes I find that just having the appointments lined up can help because I know the support is there 💛

As well as speaking to the perinatal mental health team who are absolutely there to help in situations just like yours, you can also look for other support, doulas and hypnobirthing coaches who have also trained in trauma support can offer support to help you through this.

Your fears are grounded in the experiences you have had related to pregnancy, let them come, breath through them and give your self permission to let them go, each and every time.

Hey so I’m currently the exact same I’m 33 weeks pregnant and I can’t stop googling stuff like this still see if the only one like it. I worry every second of everyday and look for reasons to worry it’s so draining . I worry that I’m worrying that much it’s gonna talk it into existence it’s just awful. I’m terrified of losing my little girl. Did you go on to have your baby and all was okay ? Even with this feelings x