Pregnant with 3rd baby now having second thoughts

[ZeeB68]

Hi,so I found out 2 weeks ago I was pregnant with my 3rd baby,I am now 6 weeks pregnant.

I already have a daughter who is 7 and a half and a boy who is 5 and a half ( will be 8 and 6 when the baby arrives)
My husband said for years we was done at 2 as we had our first 2 close together and it was hard,he never ruled out a 3rd but a few months ago he said now we are financially comfortable and have bought our own house we could try for our 3rd and last baby and could try for 1 more.

My kids have been asking me for over a year for another sibling, so I know when it gets to the point of telling them they will be so happy.
I don't know whether it's the hormones or what since the morning sickness has kicked in but since yesterday I have been having doubts and second thoughts about the pregnancy.
I feel so selfish and ungrateful saying this as we did plan this,I don't know if its just the shock as it happened much sooner than we expected it too as it was our first month ttc and it took longer with our first 2.

I spoke to my husband last night about these second thoughts and he is saying I am over thinking things.
My worries are that I am ruining our family dynamic as we have a girl and a boy already, worried financially even though we are financially comfortable and can support another child, worried my older 2 will feel left out or unloved by me even though I know they will be over the moon to be having another sibling as its something they have been asking me for a long time but I've always said no to them.
I'm worried 3 kids is a lot of kids and is a lot of kids to have.

I don't know what to do really, I have an early scan booked in for next Saturday because in 2019 I got pregnant unplanned on the pill and had a Pregnancy of unknown location which was never found so I am having an early scan to check things are as it should and the pregnancy is in the right place.

Can someone please give me some advice, my husband said last night I should share the news with his sister ( as I am close to her) that we are expecting our 3rd baby but I just don't feel like telling her as I don't know what to do and I know how selfish it all sounds.

I go through moments when I'm like I can't wait to see my older 2 kids with there new baby brother or sister,then I have moments of fear and think I don't want to do this.

I was so sure of having a 3rd which is why we planned it obviously,I don't know what's changed or happened to me.

Are my feelings normal and will it pass? Just looking for advice really

Hello didn't want to read and run. Congratulations! Not the same situation but we had our 2nd baby in September. Our oldest being 8 years old (9 next week). Both me and my husband went through the same feelings as you are having although ours wasn't planned. The baby is the best thing to happen to us! Like your children our eldest had been asking for a sibling for sooo long. The older one is a fab sibling, loves the baby, helps us out and is old enough to not be jealous. I think any change in family dynamics can be daunting. My advice would be have the scan, make sure everything is okay, this will make it more real I think then tell your oldest 2 when you are ready. I'm sure everything will fall into place for you 💕

Hi,
Just to say I'm feeling the same. I thought I wanted a 3rd child and it's happened first try of not using contraception - I know it sounds stupid but it's been a big shock. Also around 6 weeks now and suddenly all I can see are the negatives.

I'm also pregnant with my third and I have all the same worries you do. My biggest worry is that my older two will feel left out because I'll have to focus more time on the baby. My second child is only two and all I keep thinking when I look at him is that he isn't going to be the baby anymore and it makes me so sad. However I know they will love the baby, my oldest has been asking for so long for another sibling and my youngest loves little babies, I'm sure everything will fall into place. I think it's normal to get cold feet, the thought of 3 is scary, but I was also terrified when I was pregnant with my second and now I couldn't imagine life without him.

I wanted this third more than OH and felt guilty when i was pregnant
and did have doubt's especially woth how poorly i was(hospital trips) and again now at 31 weeks im so tired its the school holidays and can see how hard its gona be with three. But kids are so excited and thats keeping me going im excited too but apprehensive all at the same time!

Hi OP @ZeeB68 , how are you feeling now? I’m currently going through the same feeling. I just found out I’m pregnant with my second (this is our first month TTC and I can’t actually believe we are pregnant).

I don’t know how I’m feeling tbh. I thought I would be happy but I’ve been crying a lot. I feel really guilty to daughter. She will be just over 3 when the baby comes. The thought of having to adapt a new routine and the lack of sleep is really making me to have second thoughts.

I thought I wanted another too but I don’t know how I will be able to split my love and attention. I love my daughter SO much and the thought of her not being able to get my attention 100% really kills me.

Am I just being stupid and overthinking of everything? I was so happy when I was pregnant with my daughter which is making me think, maybe this is not the right thing after all.

How are you OP? X

I felt like this too! And our #3 also planned, and took 6 months to conceive which is longer than our #1 and #2. However now I'm 8 weeks the fear has dissipated and it all just feels a bit unreal. That's partly because I had HG in #1 and #2 and though I've had moderate sickness this time Ive so far not taken any time off work and gone about life mostly as normal. Which I couldn't have done by this point with my last two. So I have been almost forgetting I'm pregnant at points this time so it doesn't feel real.

Having said that, I'm having my worst nausea day yet today and just increased my sickness tablets to the max dose today so that's now my focus, just how grimly sick I feel.

One thing I admit that makes me super anxious when I think about it is that I think people around me will be really negative about us having a third tbh. We arent well off (although we are confident we can support a third obviously otherwise wouldn't have planned one), we don't have a large house and no prospect of affording bigger, so eventually two of the kids will need to share quite a small bedroom. And it's just not The Done Thing in our circles really. I do know a few families at a playgroup I go to with three or more but they're all wealthy. Amongst our friends nobody has more than two and even though I am one of three myself, I just know my DPs will not be positive about it all. So the fear of judgement and having to navigate rude and sarky comments is making me anxious too.

I feel this way about the judgement, I am 9/ nearly 10 weeks and we're going down to visit family for Easter just after my 12 week scan and as it's my 3rd I'm not sure I can hide it much longer.
Dh is really exited to tell everyone but I'm thinking they'll all think it's irresponsible.
I wish I could be more like dh and not care what anyone else thinks and be happy but I'm just not like that.

Hi everyone,
I thought I would come back and update as I've seen new posts on the thread.

I had my beautiful baby girl in October 2023!
I had the hardest pregnancy, at the time of writing this thread i had hyperemisis and was so sick, looking back to the time of writing this now I am 4 months post partum I realise I was in such a bad head space because I was just so sick with morning sickness. I'm not going to lie I did have thoughts about termination( i do feel guilty writing this now but my experience might help those who are struggling ) but I decided not to go through with that, I had hyperemisis up until I was 7 months pregnant, even after the worst of it past I never felt " normal", I was so ill I couldn't do much with the kids.
I'm not going to lie I had those scary thoughts right up until I gave birth,
But when I gave birth to her when I saw her immediately all those feelings and negative thoughts went away, looking back it was so strange, as soon as I gave birth I felt better, not sick anymore ( I felt sick and unwell right up until giving birth it never fully went away) but as soon as I saw her all those negative thoughts about changing my mind and all my worries disappeared, I've never been like this with my older 2 children but I actually kept looking and baby for the first 2 weeks and crying when I looked at her because I just felt so much love and couldn't believe I ever felt like that or had second thoughts. She's 4 months now and she has brought so much happiness into our lives, I had doubts about my older to children , but they are so so in love with her. My daughter who is 8 my eldest especially, she is absolutely in love with her and like a mini mummy she loves it, my son who is 6 loves her so much and they are both just absolutely amazing with her and I can't believe I ever had worries or doubts. It makes me emotional some times watching my older 2 with there baby sister and how much they love and adore her. Some days are tough but I promise to anyone who is feeling the same way I did, it does pass and does get better. I was feeling like that right up until the end ( probably a mixture of sickness and hormones) but as soon as you see baby it all goes away!
Just thought I'd update you and for those who are still struggling it does get easier!
I never actually knew how much we needed our little baby girl and how much extra joy and happiness and love she has brought into our lives. I haven't found going from 2 to 3 that hard, which was one of my concerns, that may change as baby gets older but as of right now everything is going good! X

That’s great news @ZeeB68 🩷🩷🩷

@ZeeB68 Aw what a lovely update. I too had my third child in October 2023, Halloween to be precise, my little pumpkin.

Im so glad you’ve moved on to a better stage, I had a HG pregnancy, it was truly awful and the effect it has on you mentally not only physically. I too had concerns when pregnant, did I make the right choice but here I am with my four month old little girl, sat with her two older brothers and she’s literally just made our lives even better. It’s a crazy mad house with 3 children, but it’s no crazier than it already was, having our third and final was the best thing we ever did so to anyone else worrying, please don’t, everything gets better when they are here ❤️

Just to say, I'm so reassured reading your update. I'm 18 weeks with my third and have so many anxieties. I have a boy who will be 6 and a girl who will be about to turn 4 already. I know I'm having another boy and although I didn't expect to care about gender, I think it's made my fears worse too (my son was really hard work as a baby and toddler). But reading updates like these gives me hope that it'll all turn out alright.

@Apraisechorus your anxieties are valid and your very much allowed to feel them, pregnancy takes such a toll on you. I have two boys and both were and still are, very different. My eldest son was a breeze and just sails through life very happy and content, my youngest son is a polar opposite and has been very difficult since he was a baby, he’s a lovable little child but very high maintenance. My little girl is so quiet you don’t even know you have her, each of my children are totally different from each other, not one is the same as the other.

Thank you. My son is an absolute tornado. I love him very much and he is smart, inquisitive, loving... But he has not been easy. I think if I was having another girl I'd find it easier to accept, but that's because my daughter was a joy from the day she was born.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed this evening to be honest. I sort of wish I'd never got pregnant and had just got on with my life. But there's no going back now. I wish there was a switch I could press and feel happy.
Terrified of returning to the baby stage. More terrified of another highly strung toddler. Also just worried that everything feels bleak and monotonous right now - another however many years of bath time and tantrums.

Aw hiya, I'm behind you at 10 weeks but can empathise with you. Although my girl is the more 'difficult' one and am hoping #3 is a boy but that's purely because of the logistics of bedroom sharing as the age gap between #1 and #3 will be about 6.5 yrs.

Hope you have someone you can talk to about how you're feeling, a supportive partner or friend?

I’m there with you both and as someone who is now almost 5 months post pregnancy, I promise you it gets so much better. My last pregnancy was my most depressing and I felt such guilt not only for myself, inflicting such sadness on myself but also to my family as they had to watch how miserable I was. I thought why have you done this when you were perfectly happy with two children and didn’t need to have a third. But honestly, and I mean this with all my heart, having my third child was the best thing I could have ever have done. She has literally made life a million times better and it was already pretty amazing before. I look back now and I think my hormones really had me, plus being pregnancy isn’t exactly a joy for me. Once I had her and all those pesky hormones left, I felt so much better and she’s really just slotted in so easily, I’d say I prefer having three children to two, because it’s extra love and happiness in our house. I also panicked about the baby stage again, but it’s much easier when your going through it as to when your looking ahead anticipating. These last four and a half months have just flown by and before long we will be weaning and the little baby stage is over, now this is where my sadness lies now because I’ve just loved having another baby and she’s growing too fast!

You’ve got this I promise and you will eventually be in my shoes encouraging other pregnant women that it does get better cause your living proof of that ❤️

Thank you so much. It helps to hear. I hope and pray I'll feel like this.

I’m glad to find this thread, I really needed to see that other people feel the same way.

I got pregnant within about 2 weeks of us saying we’d loosen up on being careful with contraception. It happened so fast I really was in shock when I found out. I’ve been having second thoughts since and I am so daunted about life with 3.

I also don’t feel great since I got pregnant - indigestion, low energy, moody and I’m struggling with not being my normal self.

I also am concerned about judgement - my Mams first reaction was not to say congratulations, but was to say “were ye planning to have another one?”

I hope I feel ok about this pregnancy at some point as it makes it so much harder to put up so with the physical symptoms of pregnancy, when your head isn’t in the right place.

We’ve an almost 2 year old starting into her tantrum era, and an almost 4 year old who to be fair is easy ish, but I’m finding it hard to have the stamina for them especially at weekends!

Totally normal! I cried for the first couple
of months after finding out I was pregnant with my second. I felt so sad for my daughter that she wasn’t going to be our only child anymore and it won’t be just me and her anymore.

We are now almost 5 moths after having my second daughter. It was hard the first month or so, with having a new baby and adjusting having an extra person in the family but oh it’s got so much better! Seeing them smile at each other and how much my oldest loves her sister is so worth it! Can’t wait to see them grow their bond further and be the best of friends.

Hi just stumbled on this thread.. i just found out I'm expecting my third baby unplanned but at the same time wasnt been careful. Now i dont know how i feel, we are finally starting to feel on our feet financially my other two is 15 & 4 and feel like there great age to get our life back. Our house is small but already not alot of space for us 4 im awake all night thinking of all the negatives i feel sick with worry our house is busy with sports and work i dont know how another child will fit in i feel selfish saying that but i am jusg wondering if it goes away the quilt.

@Janesay20 I am 24 weeks. My eldest is 9 and my youngest is 6. Slightly different as I have been trying for a third for over 4yrs. But I hope them being older and at a school means i have more energy than the jump from 1-2. They are excited but have some wobbles especially my youngest. I worry about space a bit. But I always said i wanted three. So would feel more complete x

I type this from my bed, husband snoring beside me while I am in my usual night time panic about our third. Thank you so much for the above posts as they are what I need to read right now.

I am 35 weeks with our third. My eldest is 5, just started school, and it's been a really hard transition. My 3 year old has just started kindy. Lots of transitions.

I've spent this entire pregnancy worrying (day and sleepless nights) about how I'll manage 3, loss of freedom, how I'll fit in my running which manages my mental health or even a walk, how I'll get baby down for bassinet naps when I have my 3 yr old at home 3 weekdays a week (childcare not option where I live) and school pickup, how I'll fit in my kids and all their emotional and physical needs, how I'll fit in socialising, will I love this baby (because right now I'm anything but excited). I never thought about this when we agreed to go for no 3. All the logistical concerns appeared in my brain after I learnt about the pregnancy

I feel a lot of regret and but much excitement, but I also know 2 never felt complete. I'm worried this regret will continue postpartum and I don't bond with baby.

@Tesskert contact your perinatal team they can help. Also when does your youngest start school as 4yrs old won't be far away? Or are you in OZ as you mentioned kindy? Just make sure you give your DP lots of jobs and delegate!

@Tesskert I feel like your me typing that out I feel the exact same way and I’m only 4.5 weeks pregnant, I can’t sleep with the worry I haven’t even told my other half yet as we didn’t really discuss a third tbh, he has a 18year old from a previous relationship he’s an amazing dad to all the boys but I can’t help think if going through with a pregnancy will be the best idea. Also like you I never felt complete with two in my mind I always said 3 I don’t know weather it’s bcoz I have all boys and long for a girl that never felt complete but I always felt I wanted three. My last baby’s birth was horrendous though and I don’t know if that’s throwing me off also I had a shoulder dystocia birth were my baby was in intensive care for 3 weeks it was horrific so maybe subconsciously that’s in my mind, like you I’m thinking of the freedom we don’t have babysitters so we don’t get out much over nights but if we want dinner or cinema we can get a sitter for few hours and I’m thinking that’s that out the window also the gym which is my saving grace mentally how will I fit it and been out on maternity leave isn’t ideal money wise. I feel terrible feeling like this I’m 37 will be 38 the week the baby is due and I’m feeling would something go wrong like will I be able to cope if it was special needs etc at this age. I just feel sad more than excited to be having another baby but like you three was the magic number. X

@Tesskert I came across this post (as I've been scrolling every '3rd baby unplanned/second thoughts' thread on Mumsnet) and I wanted to know how everything went with the baby and how you are feeling now? Hope you are ok.

I'm in a similar position, always thought I wanted 3 but didn't feel ready yet, but then it happened unplanned and I'm 6 weeks and terrified. Really really don't want to be pregnant right now, worried about what it will do to my mental health, my career, and generally how I will cope with it all. But also feel too conflicted to go through with a termination. I'm curious to know how people are feeling out the other side of it all.