Sharing my pregnancy has not gone down well

[ASwimInAPondInTheRain]

Hello! I have been ttc #2 for quite a long time (18 months) and have had numerous losses along the way.

I'm now 15 weeks pregnant. Last week I told my close friend I am pregnant, she has been ttc #2 for a long time too. I didn't really give any details - didn't say how pregnant I was or when I'm due or how I've been feeling etc.

She sent me a very abrupt message that just said 'congratulations!' and has not spoken to me since (she usually messages me many times a day on multiple platforms). I was sensitive in the way I told her, I think, and spent ages crafting a message that was as much about me telling her my news as much as I was aware this might be tricky for her to receive. I feel her reaction is quite extreme and I'm quite hurt by it to be honest - she has a lot of drama in her life and I am always there for her, listening, supporting, uplifting her and don't really ask for that to be reciprocated.

When I was ttc I was happy for those who were pregnant whilst also being sad for myself. I guess I was anticipating similar in how my friend received my news, instead I feel I have been met with her ire and disappointment.

She is quite an extreme person and I guess I was kind of expecting this, but hoping for a better, more supportive reaction.

Should I do or say anything or just leave it? She has a tendency of cutting ppl out of her life when they've done something to mildly irritate her and I'm concerned that's going to be me next.

Hi OP.
It must be sad that your friend isn't there for you when it seems you've supported her through a lot. Saying that, it doesn't mean she isn't happy for you, she's likely just sad for herself and needs some distance.
Please appreciate that she might want to withdraw for some time ❤️ it can be tough when all you want is a baby and people around are getting one but you aren't. You've been through so much and still managed to be happy for everyone around you, I think that's very nice and exceptional ☺️x She'll probably try to come back to you when she's pregnant as well, but it will be up to you whether to revive the friendship or not. Or she might feel ready to speak to you sooner than that x

I’d probably just leave it, I know how crap it must feel for her but it’s hard when you know you wouldnt treat her that way! I’ve had people like that with me, or who are just negative about my pregnancy in general when I’ve been nothing but supportive when it was them and I had to be the one always not pregnant! I don’t think there’s much you can do tbh! Congratulations on your pregnancy ☺️xx

To be fair to her, she did say congratulations. Maybe that is all she can manage right now. Not
being able to conceive (even a second time) is hard and she just needs some time to process it.

I don’t think personally that her response could be classed as ire. Granted you say she usually would message you more. But I wouldn’t expect significantly more than a congratulations from my friends.

From experience of friends in similar positions to yours, when I've spoken to them about people around them announcing pregnancies, it appears to be quite common for some to need a bit of time to adjust.

It doesn't mean she isn't happy for you, its probably very hard for her and she doesn't want to put a dampner on your news if it's hit her hard. Give her time.

My partners sister cant have children naturally (shes going down the IVF route now). When he told her we were having a baby she (understandably) declined seeing me for a while because she found it too hard. I haven't ever taken it personally and feel I understand somewhat. I have seen her a little since but always make the point not to talk babies all the time and not to push my growing stomach in her face if you know what I mean.

You just have to accept it for what it is and move on. You are allowed to be excited and happy. She's allowed to be sad for herself. If she can't put those feelings aside to support you then that's up to her. She may well come around and you can restart the friendship if you wish. She isn't the person for you to share the ups and downs of pregnancy with but equally you shouldn't have to hide being pregnant either. There's a balance to be had. Right now she's withdrawing so let her and focus on yourself.

You only told her last week, and she hasn't ignored you.

Can you just give her time and space, continue to send her any silly stuff you would normally send, don't make a big deal of it.

she has a lot of drama in her life and I am always there for her, listening, supporting, uplifting her and don't really ask for that to be reciprocated
Was she supportive when you had your losses?

Only you can decide whether you still want her in your life but I wouldn't write her off yet just based on her limited response to one message.

I think you just have to give her time and see if she reconnects. Maybe try contacting her after a week or two and see if she's ready but you may just have to accept that she's no longer able to be a friend.

It is tough when you're ttc, I struggled with no2 too. And realistically although you think you know how you would have reacted if the roles were reversed, I don't think you can really know until you go through it.

Hopefully she can get past it and you can both move on.