Probaby the thousandth thread entitled ... Am I being unreasonable?

[BorgLady]

Hey,

Went to a family party the other day, first time since I've been pg that I've seen a lot of relatives so I brought my scan pic to show.

Most people were lovely, but my aunt kept pointedly talking about a friend of hers whose baby had been terminated at 20wks because of foetal abnormalities. She kept saying over and over that the 12wk scan had been fine.

Fair enough, I know these things can go wrong and if it happened I would of course be devastated. The problem was that her talking about it really really upset my mum, and she didn't stop even when it became apparent.

I can see how my being pregnant would upset her. My aunt was unfortunately unable to have kids of her own and went through years and years of infertility treatments and IVF attempts. In the end, she and my uncle adopted a smashing little boy who is now five.

But at the end of the day, none of that is my fault and I feel as though I am entitled to be happy about being pregnant without having to have a curse laid on me or having my poor mum upset.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you deal with it? Maybe I should be a bit more charitable and understanding, but she upset my mum, and there's no excuse for that.

That really takes the p*ss, I'm amazed you didn't have a stand-up row with the woman.

Some people obviously just don't know when to shut up, my own mother is exactly the same, you'd hope that seeing as I'm her only child she'd be really happy, but instead I just get grief all the time. She actually sent me an email a couple of days after I told her I was pg, where she said that she'd had two sleepless nights because she thinks I'll die during labour because I'm overweight (I was nearly 11 stone and 5 ft 3, I'm not morbidly obese!!). How's that for support!

Since then she's blankly refused to attribute anything to my pregnancy, I threw up in the evening and told her as my dad was also ill so thought I'd give him some support! ("oh, why do you think that was?", "Well, I think it's because I'm pregnant mum!!" "Oh no, you only get sick in the morning if you're pregnant!"), I said that I was absolutely knackered at the moment but she attributed that to something else as well. It does rather make me wonder whether this woman was ever pregnant or whether I am adopted!

Basically you've just got to grit your teeth and get on with it, what will happen will happen irrespective of whether people shove it in our faces. It's horrible for people to mention these things so it's best to tell them under no uncertain terms to eff-off!

This has never happened to me but UNBU. You should definitely be able to try to enjoy your pregancy without scaremongers spoiling this for you.

Sadly I'm not the stand-up-row type. I'm the burst-into-tears type at any sort of confrontation, pregnant or not. Very frustrating!

I'm glad my mum isn't like yours, lolli. Is it your first? Is she in some sort of granny-denial?

You're totally right, needahand. There's enough to worry about preparing for a normal healthy baby without dwelling on all the things that might go wrong.

Grrr.

That would really upset me to. I've had problems in previous pregnancies but always try to look on the positive side and enjoy pregnancy as much as I can, I think I would have cried had she done this to me. It's not the kind of thing you tell pregnant women!

Some people are just nasty and bitter unfortunately. She probably feels very sad that you are enjoying something she never will.

I had similar feelings when my SIL got PG shortly after I suffered a MC. I just thought it was so unfair that her pregnancy was going so well and my baby died . I was never nasty to her but I had some angry exchanges with my DH cos I just didn't want to hear about her baby whereas DH was dead excited cos it was his brother. After their 12-week scan he told me everything was fine and I said "Oh well that's just f*cking great isn't it - all she eats is crisps, chicken and potatoes but her baby is fine!'

I know I was being horrible but I just couldn't help it. Thankfully I am now 24 weeks PG with twins and their baby was born healthy and well in December.

You are not being unreasonable at all - she was being a cow, but imagine the pain she must feel if she feels she has to behave like that.

Hey Lulu - I replied to you on another thread but I don't think you saw it. I am going to Ormskirk, saw a really nice African doc there last time, don't know his name, but he was really nice and put my mind totally at ease. The midwife had told me if one of the babies is breech I'll have to have a c section but he said that was "Rubbish!!!!" and said if the first baby is head down then I can go for vaginal birth if I want to.

Is there a Southport meet-up any time soon? I start mat leave in April and would love to meet some other mums.

i must have missed that !! here is my email addy

lulumama 21 @ hotmail. com

or CAT me!

i am at ormskirk at least once a month for meetings etc...

was it a Mr Ajayi you saw..?

no meet ups planned as yet, but was hoping to do one in the spring... go to the botanic gardens or something..

cannot believe you are 24 weeks already !

Borglady - I'm not sure whether my lovely mother is in denial or not, probably because she seems to think she's still 30 when actually she's 62! She's always been a pain in the ar*e though so I've grown up to expect that from her. She did seem to be a bit better when I showed her the scan pic but I'm sure she'll come up with some more twaddle at a later date.

Borglady and Lollipop you have my sympathy!If they give you anymore trouble I shall stand by with my sheep catapult aimed in their direction. Just say the word!
(Bah!)