Pregnancy/SS referral

[Rachel013]

So, today I had my first midwife appointment.

I didn’t realise how many questions I’d have to go through.

Anyway, they got to the bit about my baby’s father (husband). And I was happily talking and she said “has he ever been arrested etc” and I responses “he was arrested about 5 years ago for being drunk with his friends on a night out” anyway I thought nothing of it.

At the end, she said “ok so with what you’ve said I’m going to have to make a referral to social services”.

At this point I said that I wished I never said anything, and I didn’t see the relevance!

Should I be concerned?

I’m already anxious in this pregnancy, and I honestly am freaking out.

:(

I think this is an example of common sense going out of the window. I’d be surprised if SS even act on that referral! If that’s the only incident I really wouldn’t worry!

There will be protocols and procedures that the midwife has to follow. You know your partner made a stupid mistake on one occasion 5yrs ago and is safe and sensible. For another family, this might be the only inkling that the woman gives that her partner is an alcoholic and a nasty drunk.

Social services may come and visit you but it doesn't mean that your child is going to have a lifetime of interventions and foster care involvement. If your partner were to need support with his drinking they could arrange that to ensure Baby is safe at home with the two of you. If he doesn't need that (and from what you've said, he doesn't) then they will come and chat with you and see that the home is safe and stable and move on.

Don't stress. Social workers are there to help, not whisk children away from safe, loving homes.

@Starsinthesky22 it’s just really worried me, the way the whole appointment went I felt like it was an interrogation :(, I’ve been anxious ever since. She said she’d be in touch.

@CremeEggsForBreakfast thank you - just feels like a nightmare after finding out our lovely news after trying. Feel really sad about it all. I was just being honest :(.

I know what you mean about it feeling like an interrogation. It sounds like my midwife was a little more relaxed and friendly than yours but the whole thing was still a barrage of questions that I really wasn't prepared for. I had no idea about a lot of it - it never occurred to me to ask my MIL if there was a family history of diabetes, for example!

I came away exhausted.

I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if the midwife had had a more brusque personality or if I'd shared something as sensitive as you did and had a blunt response.

But please, try not to worry and just be honest, calm, and relaxed if you speak social services. If all is well with you, you're likely to be the easiest bit of their day and they'll thank you for it!

This is a joke i really hope your ok! this has literally happened to me today. How did you get on? My boyfriend was a teenage tearaway and got a night in the cells and now that's warranted a social work referral. We're both 31 now. Honestly I couldn't believe it when she phoned me to tell me this. Its brought on all this worry for no reason that I don't need. You think being upfront and honest is the way to be but I feel this is too far x

I would have said no 🤐 is this standard ? I've had 4 pregnancies and was never asked this