MIL’s husband automatically being called Papa?

[Dilemmaemmaaa]

My husband’s parents split when he was young and both have other partners now. FIL’s wife is nice, MIL’s husband I find very creepy and controlling of her but that’s another story 🙄 I’m not comfortable with our baby being at their house without one of us because of it but they have never realised this as they don’t ever ask to have him anyway. Her husband has children and grandchildren of his own that he doesn’t see - for reasons my husband doesn’t know, hasn’t seen them in 20 years, raises another red flag for me.

When our son was born, MIL instantly made a big thing of writing (not his real name) ‘Papa Graham’ after her name on any cards etc and really emphasises saying stuff about papa when she sees our little boy. He has never made any effort with him and I don’t think it should have been assumed we’d be okay with him being called papa when he’s not. It should just be Gran and Graham surely? Is this the case with most people in this situation?

Papa means daddy first off!
my mil/fil tried that too, cheeky f!

graham is fine! Just ignore your mil

Setting aside your other concerns, I don't see this is an issue to make a big deal about. Let this one go.

My mother's husband isn't my father nor even my stepfather but he is grandfather to my children. It's not my relationship with him that's being defined (he's Graham/mum's husband to me), it's the children's relationship. To them he is a grandparent, even though to me he's not a parent.

My mil tried this with her husband and persevered for about 12 years before finally giving up and just signing the cards ‘John’ instead of ‘Grandpa’. We just used his name all along and ignored her attempts. However we can count on one hand the number of times they’ve seen the dc in all that time so it’s not something we’re dealing with on a day to day basis.

Papa means father, so this is really absurd. Stick to Graham.