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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How did you know you were done?

56 replies

LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 08:30

My third baby is currently 4 months old. I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship and 2 girls almost 3 and 4 months with my fiancé. After my 1st I knew for certain I wanted another, there was no question I was going to have another baby. After my second I couldn't say for certain that window was closed. But I didn't want another anytime soon, I accidentally got pregnant last year and now I have my third baby. Now I know for absolute certain this is it for me. I'd be happy for my partner to get the snip. And that's how I know I'm 100% done

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Dyra · 02/02/2023 14:40

I know I'm not done. Despite DC2 sending my mental health crashing down to subterranean depths at times. Yet the ache is still there for a third. I've always wanted three, and I'm 100% positive I would be done after that. It's out of my hands though. DH is determined he is done at two, and, as I don't want to be pregnant in my 40s, there's limited time left.

allgoodthings84 · 02/02/2023 18:59

I’m pregnant with my second. My first is 7. I know I’m done, I’ve never wanted more than 2 and I’m 38 now.

Peanut1991 · 02/02/2023 23:49

A massive part of me would love another pregnancy and baby, but I have just recently had to leave my job for my mental health and to care for my two autistic kids. Home life is INTENSE so I wouldn't risk a 3rd kid with autism and it would take me away even more from my two existing kids. So my heart isn't done but it's the right choice for everyones quality of life.

MourningTea · 03/02/2023 07:00

We're pretty sure we are done with the one for various reasons but mainly because we can't afford a second one, as we both work full time due to nursery fees.
Even grandparents have both said they won't help out again (fair enough), so that would leave us out of pocket by at least 1000-1500 pounds a month in fees.

As ds is getting older I can't see me going through the early days again, I would have liked to have two close together but not so keen on having an age gap now.
Also for my mental health as I have had times where I found it difficult. So yes probably not having any more.

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 03/02/2023 07:32

just after I got pregnant with my 3rd I finally brought to the attention of my partner and the health visitor that I thought my daughter had autism. The older she's gotten the more blaringly obvious it has become but I was in denial for a while. But had I known before I probably would never had had a third child. Just because my middle child needs a lot of my attention and it would probably have been fairer for her for us to not. She struggles with the sound of baby crying, she tries to push baby off my knee to free my hands up to play with her.

now we have 3 in very content but I know that there will be no more

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Paturday · 03/02/2023 07:38

Same, I had my third and was relieved to be done, whereas with the other 2 I was always looking forward to doing it again! 😃 happy to concentrate on my health, carve a career, get rid of the baby stuff, etc now. Although still a bit ‘aw’ about her growing up. But can’t believe my childbearing days are over already!!!! 😲😲 Also costs of everything is a big factor - also number 3 tipped the balance as I found 2 very easy and 3 is a comfortable maxed out feeling. Not too stressful but not easy.

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 03/02/2023 07:48

Yes! I think with 2 even at the most challenging moments there's always 2 tasks at hand, feed baby then do whatever need the older child has, with 3 it can end up being a constant loop by the time they're all happy you're frazzled. Leaving the house is a marathon now. Because of the age difference tneres not many day trips that are fun for all. This weekend we're taking the girls to soft play Saturday while DS is with his dad for a few hours and then Sunday we're taking DS and my neice of the same age to ninja warrior while the 2 DD's stay with grandma

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SEMPA1234567 · 03/02/2023 07:49

I think we always knew we’d have at least 2 or 3 but now I’m pregnant with our 5th! When I was pregnant with our 3rd I was pretty certain we’d have a 4th. Once the 4th was born my heart still wanted another but my head said it was silly to have more! Anyway my heart won however I now know this is absolutely it! Many reasons, I’m getting older, grandparents can’t help as much anymore, house is full, no space left in car, money would be very tight if we had more etc etc. I never thought I’d want to stop but everyone gets to their own limit I think.

SmileWithADimple · 03/02/2023 07:52

I've never felt 'done' in the way you describe OP, so the final decision has been DH's. I'm very happy with three, but if at any point DH had been up for a fourth I'm sure I'd have been persuadable. I'm 48 so it's very unlikely now!

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 03/02/2023 07:53

I agree it's a personal limit for your own family. I mean some people have 10+ And all power to them it's not for me, I do value a small amount of me time. I watch a few creators on YouTube and every now and again I'll see they have a new video and tell DP I'm slinking off for 9 minutes or however long it is to watch it. And with 3 that's doable. Oldest is 8 so he dosnt need constant supervision, and the little 2 are usually always together

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Wibblewibble1 · 03/02/2023 07:57

I have three girls and stopped at age 40. I couldn’t have another pregnancy as I was getting older and struggled with sleepless nights - I also look forward to having a lie in , so that was it for me.

Overthebow · 03/02/2023 08:00

Not had a second yet but I know I’ll be done at 2. Kids are expensive and os very important to us that we have enough money to give DCs a good life, to be able to save for house deposits for them, put them through uni and be able to have good experiences as a family such as holidays to different countries and days out. We would have stuck at one DC if we couldn’t have afforded this for a second.

nca89 · 03/02/2023 08:01

I made it a head not a heart decision. I prioritised the children we already had and the life I wanted them to have over any yearnings I had for a third, now they're moving towards the teen years those yearnings are well and truly gone!

BridieConvert · 03/02/2023 08:06

I've always said I wanted 2, husband said the same. We now have 2 and I can confirm I'm definitely done!
Didn't enjoy pregnancy and had difficult labours (second was much worse than first). Toddler and baby are enough of a handful without adding another into the mix and we wouldn't be able to comfortably afford 3.

BridieConvert · 03/02/2023 08:09

LittlemissMama67 · 02/02/2023 11:14

My partners desperate for the snip but he's not old enough. I'm on the patch and I will continue to stick them on till menopause quite happily. No more babies on board for me. I've always been so jealous of people who were pregnant if I wasn't, not anymore. I think a switch flipped when I had this baby. I felt complete, I have all my babies now and I'm content with that

Not old enough? I didn't realise that was a criteria for it! Can I ask how old he is? Now concerned they'd say my husband is too young...

Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 03/02/2023 08:11

First was spontaneous labour at home at 41+4 very quick, born in under 6 hours. Meconium so a rushed actually delivery. but all in all not horrific,

second was a failed induction at 39 weeks due to pregnancy complications took 5 days and ultimately ended in an emergency c-section

third was an elective c-section again at 39 weeks due to same complication. A lot better than the emergency but still a lot to put my body through.

I won't do it again for many reasons but knowing it would be a c-section again and the same complication would probably pop up again. No Thankyou.

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Original poster
LittlemissMama67 · 03/02/2023 08:11

BridieConvert · 03/02/2023 08:09

Not old enough? I didn't realise that was a criteria for it! Can I ask how old he is? Now concerned they'd say my husband is too young...

Show quote history

He's 26

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AngelinaFibres · 03/02/2023 08:46

I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies. I weighed 6 1/2 stone the day after my second son was born. I couldn't go through it again. I think there is more help now for hyperemesis but in the 90s I was told I had to manage until until 12 weeks and then had stematol injections which weren't hugely helpful.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 03/02/2023 09:36

I thought I was done after my 4th son and decided to get sterilised as my husband wouldn't do it, I got to the stage of the pre op appointment and my husband agreed to get the snip due to the doctors saying it would be easier for him and I would need more recovery time which would have been hard with my youngest being 1 & 2 at the time so I cancelled it and fell pregnant straight away with baby number 5. At the time, it was stressful as I really was done but the hope that it was a girl kept me going and after she was born my husband had the snip within weeks.

UnicornRainbowSky · 03/02/2023 11:14

I'm pregnant with my second right now and I know I'll be done after this one. I had a loss last year and my anxiety in this pregnancy has been through the roof. I haven't been able to enjoy it much so just wouldn't want to go through it all again.
Also, we'll have a 5 year age gap (more or less planned) between our kids. For my mental health I can't imagine having kids closer together as I found it hard to cope looking after a little one until about the age of 3.5.
If we waited another 4-5 years after this one, I'd be in my 40s and the physical toll would be too big on me I think. Struggling with this one as it is! 🙈 So yeah, I know we're done, even though DH wants to convince me otherwise 😂

Fridaysgirl17 · 03/02/2023 11:24

I knew once pregnant with my second,that was it,both my pregnancies were horrific,plagued with complications,high risk,& honestly I couldn't do it again & I won't,I had 2 inductions at 35 weeks (medical reasons) I'm content with my 2 boys,I'm a single mom now as my ex left for his OW about 18 months ago & has gone on to have one with her,she's expecting again & he has 2 kids by others whilst in both relationships 🤦🏻‍♀️& ow had 2 already. He has his hands full but he'd keep going as he can walk away if he chooses 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Doowop1919 · 04/02/2023 11:22

I've got a 2.5 year old and an 8 day old. I feel my family is complete now. I didn't have this feeling with my toddler, I always felt like we just weren't finished. Now I know I'm done. Mentally, physically, financially. It's a lovely feeling knowing I don't have to go through pregnancy or giving birth again and I can move on to the next part of life... Enjoying my two boys.

isthistheendtakeabreath · 04/02/2023 11:55

I don't feel done - have a primary ager and 2 year old twins. But I lost several babies and had to go through lots of IVF. I still have 2 embryos frozen (can't ever get pregnant naturally again as lost both tubes to ectopics) I would absolutely give them a chance tomorrow if I could even if it mean twins again

But turns out ex husband was done after our eldest - couldn't cope with the twins and left so that's that

I'm not yet 40 so could I suppose meet someone else and try again and I suppose that thought in my mind is like I'm not totally shutting the door although I know the chances are zero!

whoruntheworldgirls · 04/02/2023 14:27

allgoodthings84 · 02/02/2023 18:59

I’m pregnant with my second. My first is 7. I know I’m done, I’ve never wanted more than 2 and I’m 38 now.

How is it going and how is the eldest feeling about it? Mine is just over 6 and I'm considering a second, will be 38 in summer

allgoodthings84 · 04/02/2023 15:01

@whoruntheworldgirls she doesn’t know yet I’m only 11 weeks but she’s been going on about having a sibling for years and brought it up again last week so I’m pretty sure she will be thrilled. I’m doing fine though. Feel nauseous most of the time but I did when I was pregnant with her too. I feel exactly the same as I did when pregnant with my daughter.