High NT measurement - likely to need to TFMR

[TivoliHA]

Hi Everyone. We got a high NT measurement at our 12w scan on Friday and have been told it's very likely we'll need to TFMR. I'm still struggling to get my head around it as we had a missed miscarriage in October 2022 as well so I was so hopeful this one would work out.
I really just want this nightmare to be over but we have to wait 2 weeks to get our CVS results.
Any recommendations on whether surgical or medical management for a TFMR at 15 weeks + is better to allow us to get pregnant again ASAP. I'm just feeling so empty although I'm still carrying a baby!

Speak to the charity ARC - they support people going through what you are. They are neither pro or anti termination and are brilliant support. ARC stands for antenatal results and choices.
I've been there - 16 weeks and had a surgical termination. I went on to have Ds2 17 months later (I was 40 so getting pregnant was going to take a bit more time)
Take you time - it's hell. Thinking of youxxxx

What was the measurement do you mind me asking?

I’m really sorry. I’ve been there. I had medical management at 14 weeks. It was awful but over quickly. I chose it because I would have had to wait longer to get surgical management and I just wanted it to be resolved. It was right for me. Second the recommendation to call ARC and really happy to answer any questions you might have. Sending lots of strength.

ARC are brilliant. Had a 10mm and had to tfmr - I went for surgical. Physically it was easy but mentally very stressful - had to go to Marie Stopes and they are totally not set up for this scenario.
I had array cgh ICSI 6 months later and had a chromosomally normal embryo implanted, he’s now 10. There is hope.

Thank you all. The suggestions have been helpful. I'll definitely speak to ARC once I've come to terms with the shock a little more.

@Makinglists how long did it take to get your period after surgical management if you don't mind me asking? I'm so happy for you that you got your rainbow in the end.

@doadeer the NT measurement was 7.1mm on Friday when I was 12w3s and 6.6mm yesterday when i was 13w

@royalrecording ecording how did you find the process of medical management? I had that for my MMC but a week later there was still some bits left so they had to do an MVA (similar to D&C) to remove the rest.

@HalfasleepChrisintheMorning sounds like a nightmare but I'm so happy for you that you got your little bundle of joy in the end.

@TivoliHA It was hard. I can only speak to my experience but I was 14 weeks and it was managed medically but in hospital. It sounds like you’re familiar with the nuts and bolts of the procedure but I can talk more about thurs if it would be helpful.

In terms of aftermath and recovery, I got my period about 5-6 weeks later. Everything was fine physically and all passed with the medication. It was definitely traumatic but in a way I feel glad I can look back and have that memory of having gone through something with my baby and ended it together. I’m sure had I had surgical management I would have been grateful to have had a more peaceful end to things. There really is no perfect solution.

I hope you’re able to talk to people about what you’re going through, I didn’t talk about it enough and wish I had been more open about what I was going through with my friends and family. To this day I’m not sure my best friend realises that I didn’t have surgical management, because I felt it was a burden on people to tell them the reality of what was happening. It is appalling what we as a society expect women to bear at times. And what we expect them to recover from, leaving no scars.

@TivoliHA thinking of you. I had a TFMR at 23 weeks in Aug 2021 but am now sat here breast feeding our 1 week old. Always keep the hope. My husband use to say, Head down and keep going. I wish you all the best for the two week wait for results and then whatever decision you make. Please don’t feel pressured into anything, go with your gut feeling and talk. xxx

@royalrecording thanks for sharing. I'm generally aware of the process as we went through it with our MMC at 10 weeks. The baby/sac were much smaller then than they are now but I'll just play it by ear as things progress I guess. CVS results will take me to 15+ weeks so I'm a little scared that it'll be very painful as everything gets bigger. As you say, unfortunately there is no perfect solution. There is no guarantee that everything will come out with medical management but there is a risk of scarring with the surgical option. I think we'll just look at the wait time for surgical once we get our results and make a decision based on that.

It sounds like your cycle returned quite quickly afterwards which is good - although I am sure the wait felt like an eternity.

I know what you mean about talking about it. I told a few people about the miscarriage in October which definitely helped but I'm not yet in a place to discuss this pregnancy outside of having told my parents. It does definitely help talking about it. I know what you mean about society...it sucks but we just have to stay strong.

@Dueinjan23 thank you! I am so so happy for you that you got your healthy rainbow baby in the end. That definitely gives me hope!

I am so sorry, OP.

Just wanted to share that I have had 2 D&C's / surgical management in the last 12 months and am currently 14 weeks pregnant.

The risk of scarring is very low, and I would honestly never go through natural / medical management if I could have surgical management.

Just my view. Absolute best of luck to you.

@TivoliHA yes I’ve also had a MC at 8 weeks and at 14 weeks it was a bit of a different ball game. I guess that’s why they have you in the hospital so they can give much better pain relief options. They will give you whatever you want - I am quite receptive to codeine and I was a bit high when I left, it helped with getting through it. At one point a nurse was offering to squirt morphine into my mouth as I was passing the placenta. I declined!

To be honest the physicality of it was a lot for me. As a nurse was talking me through what would happen she said that I might need to bear down to pass the foetus/placenta and I just burst into tears, it felt so unfair to have to play such an active role in something I never ever wanted to do at all. But it faded and I’m now over a year on and I can just feel grateful that we had problems spotted at the 12 week scan not the 20, and that we had access to the CVS, and that we had choices in how to manage it. It’s just something that happened to our family, that lots of other people will never really understand. We were lucky that it made us stronger.

Hopefully though you can just focus for now on finding the strength and resources you need to get through the next few weeks in whatever way you can. Anything you feel is okay and valid.

Thank you @keepaweatheredeye! I'm so sorry you had to go through 2 D&C's but I'm so happy for you that you're pregnant again. I hope it all goes well for you this time. I think I'll just have to check with the hospital what the difference it wait times is for surgical vs medical and go from there. Definitely don't want to wait for 3 weeks longer or something if they have a long wait list for surgical.

@royalrecording I totally understand what you mean about the physicality of it. It's so tough effectively going through labour when there isn't really a light at the end of the tunnel (ie a baby that you can take home). You are so strong for going through all that. I agree that I'm lucky that something was spotted in the 12w scan rather than getting to 20+ weeks. I just hope the results of the first set of CVS results show us enough to allow us to make a decision. Otherwise, it'll be another 2 weeks until we have the full results back and I'm not sure I have the patience for that...especially whilst I am getting noticeably bigger.

Keeping everything crossed for you @TivoliHA that the results are helpful to you. Our case was very clear from the outset, just from the scan the doctor correctly predicted an Edwards diagnosis, which in its way was a blessing as you say. It made the way forward clear.

I hope you get the clarity and support you need and keep talking here if you need to.

@royalrecording thank you. I will do x

Have been thinking of you @TivoliHA - how are you getting on?