My husband and I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks about 9 months ago. Although it was an accidental pregnancy we had been feeling excited and happy. The miscarriage was tough but we felt that it had at least shown that we did want children, which we didn’t think we had previously, and we started ttc. I was found to have an underactive thyroid but reacted very well to levothyroxine and recently had felt healthier and happier than I had since my teens.
10 days ago we found out that I am pregnant again (now 5 weeks) and I feel miserable. I haven’t felt truly excited or happy at any point since seeing those two lines, my mental health is the worst it’s ever been and the health issues I had before levothyroxine are creeping back in. I haven’t slept properly since 4dpo, I’ve spent the last two days crying and have started having weird thoughts about hurting myself and hating the developing fetus. I don’t feel like I resonate with the reasons why we decided we wanted children and feel a bit like the miscarriage set off a series of events which wouldn’t have happened otherwise.
I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusted that I’m even considering ending a pregnancy which was very much planned for, but equally can’t imagine actually going through with this. If I feel like this now at 5 weeks how am I going to get through the next 8 months and then be a good parent to this baby I already resent. I think I’m leaning to terminating this pregnancy and trying again in a couple of years, if at all. Husband says he just wants me to be happy and will support me no matter what. Any thoughts or insights much appreciated, can’t really believe I’m feeling this way and know it sounds so awful.