17 weeks pregnant and worried about bonding

[Nearlyamumoftwo]

Hi all, I’m really worried about the rest of my pregnancy, and this is such a delicate topic, but I. Hoping others have been in a similar situation.

To be clear, I am aware I am very lucky to have (hopefully two) very healthy children and appreciate this is a delicate topic considering others aren’t so lucky. Im 17 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. Our child was very much planned and when I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic. Our son will be 2y2months when the new baby is born.

As the weeks go on, I am really not as excited as I was when pregnant with my son. I can’t imagine I’m the only mother who goes through this (well maybe I am, who knows) but my son is the most amazing thing ever, I just can’t imagine another child being equal to him, and I’m starting to worry I won’t bond or even like the child. My sons personality is everything I could have hoped for. He’s the right mix of confident, shy, brave, unsure, he’s so polite and it helps that he is (well I think) super super cute. How can another child be as wonderful as him? It’s strange, I don’t feel the mum guilt I thought I would, eg I’m not worried about him being jealous or feeling left out (I’m sure this will happen, but I accept it’s part of life and he’ll get over it) and I’m not worried about the new baby not getting my attention - everyone says there aren’t as many newborn photos of them, you have to always wake them for naps etc and work around the toddler - again the baby will be fine! It’s more that I just imagine loving or even liking this child as much as my 1st and it’s causing me huge worry.

we will find out soon if it’s a boy or a girl. My instinct is leaning towards boy which I’m very happy with as hopefully they’ll get very close - I never had a sister and I’m sure we would have ended up closer than me and my brother! Part of me wonders if it was a girl I won’t feel this way as it will be much harder for me to compare the two, and if it’s a boy (which I think I’ll prefer in the long run) I will compare them too much.

wow, what a long and garbled message.

I guess I’m hoping to hear from anyone who has had more than 1 child and who felt like this when pregnant, and wondering if they’d like to share their stories (both good or bad!)

Hey. I'm expecting my 4th child now. Very much wanted and tried for. I certainly felt like you at the start. I think what helped is knowing the gender and feeling the movements.

It is a strange thing. Even know I watch her move around and I love it, but it's not quite the same somehow.

As a mother though, I can tell you that your love wont be 'shared' between your babies. You'll love them both the same and it's unimaginable until you experience it. Keep an eye on it if you're worried about bonding as you move through your pregnancy, but it's not unusual to feel like this right now. When you meet your baby you'll realise what I mean. X

I was really strongly bonded with DC1 when I was pregnant. He came out in a traumatic EMCS and I had major bonding issues from day 1. I just didn't believe he was my baby.

I had no bond at all with DC2 when I was pregnant. She appeared and it was just love at first sight.

Pregnancy is weird.

Hi @ReamsOfCheese @ReamsOfCheese thanks for replying. Yes I think once I know the sex and feel them move and get a bump things might change.

At the moment I just can’t imagine loving one like my first, and I am starting to feel so bad for the 2nd one. It’s reassuring to know this can happen with others, and I’ll keep an eye on how I’m feeling

This is completely normal, you never expect to be able to love another baby as much as your first but once they come along you'll wonder how you ever thought that in the first place. Don't worry about bonding at this stage, I felt an instant bond with my first the moment I found out I was pregnant, my second I didn't really feel anything until after the 20 week scan. I'm pregnant with my third and again I don't feel a bond it's almost like it's happening to someone else, but I'm not worried I know once baby comes I will love them as much as my first two and you will too 🙂

Hi @K37529 thanks for your reply! It’s weird, I think I will definitely love the baby, but it’s whether or not I will like the baby…..! How could I like a baby who just won’t be like DS1.

It’s reassuring to know others go through this, and is one of those things I won’t be able to feel until I meet my baby, but there’s a part of me which is thinking “what if I’m wrong, what if others don’t feel this is strongly as me”.

Hey! I'm also pregnant with my second, a little further along than you though, and I've made the same remark to my husband several times. How could I possibly love anyone or anything else the same way I love my first child? But I've not been worried about it - I know that when the new baby is here it will just fall into place try not to worry about how or when you will feel that bond, just trust that you will and let it happen. All the best x

Hey, can I join the club too! I'm 20 weeks pregnant with number 2 and feel exactly like you OP. I'm a SAHM and hang out with my DD all the time and she's fucking awesome - we have so much fun together, she's just the absolute best. How can another child be anywhere near as brilliant and how will I love them enough? I'm so worried I'll end up being unhappy with two, even though before I was pregnant having a second child was all I wanted. It's really hard. I'm feeling lots of movement now, which helps with bonding, but it still feels so scary. I just hope it's true what everyone says that somehow you just find a way of loving them both and they're both equally wonderful in their own unique ways